Heart Attack

Heart attacks are a leading cause of death... Consider what attacks our hearts that leads to feelings, thoughts, actions and words which eventually manifest physically.

An attack of my heart has taken place;
Many moons past and my soul in mourning song, I have lost what is most precious, he's gone.
I have wandered for days far, far away into the wastelands of death's calling.
My senses have dulled. My mind seeks escape. My body is weary. I have tempted fate.
I have tried to forget. I have tried to rage. I am lonely at night and sad in the day.
The cornerstone has crumbled and the tower is falling, crushing my soul and restricting my breath. My sight has diminished, my thoughts all astray, I am so close to lost I am blown away.
The loss of a Father, in plain view, trying to grasp the truth of a lost land, forbidden to journey with the other and forced to succumb to separation. By law and fear, and guilt and shame. Lack of strength to believe in a
man's shadow purpose has inserted doubt and uncertainty for our future.

(Dead of a heart attack. Age 50)





2015 Todd R. Joslyn

Reviews

[dan]

Todd, This paen to your father's memory is so well done that after I read it I said something to my wife and almost felt like I had to whisper. I don't want to seem facetious, I too know the pain of losing my father at the age of 52, it ripped my heart up and dropped it to the ground like confetti. Your feelings here are so real, so raw...right at the surface, forming a rough scab, a manhole cover's weight as needed. Very nice piece of writing. take care...dan

[modtoddinc]

Here is the next poem following my initial fury. This is a poem of grief and fear. I am writing about the loss of my son through the fear of losing myself. Everyday we are apart I feel a little bit of my heart break away. I read a health article about heart attacks that inspired my poem. I also was entering deeper into full-on depression. The following poems delve into that state of mind.

[modtoddinc]

My 50th birthday is next Tuesday. I am writing and saying out loud right now very clearly that I am in no way calling any kind of attack on myself. I hope to live long and prosper. One day I will be reunited with my son and we will rejoice together.

[dan]

I'm very sorry. I didn't know that you had a son who passed. My heart goes out to you...dan

[modtoddinc]

My deepest apologies for being unclear... The difficulties of explaining art I suppose. My son is alive and well. The loss is our relationship with one another. Jealousy, control, justification, fear, and a lack of resources on my side, are presently keeping us apart.

[dan]

Believe it or not, my 1st wife and I divorced when my son was 5 and we were separated by 750 miles (me in Pittsburgh, she and Josh in Jacksonville FL. Know vaguely about what you are going through. I just lost myself in alcohol. (I too am a recovering alcoholic). And I'm so glad to know that at least he's alive, thank God. Holler at me if you need to vent. take care...dan

[wordman]

sad, and thought provoking write todd.makes you take another look at lfe