To the Me Who Was…

This is in answer to MusicMania's challenge to write to the our 13 year old selves in the Poetry Challenge Group.

You there… yes… you

You’re the me that was.

I’m the me who’ll be you.

A chance to end is lost.

No love behind her gate…

Another year has gone.

Just lost… lost in her hate…

Beaten down… down… down… done.

I know you wanna die.

Think you’ll end all the lies.

Again secreted the tools… sigh

The means of your demise…

Starving yourself to perfect

some ideal upon you shamed,

with no one near to protect

from her vision on you profaned.

Another Summer’s on the horizon

At hand now’s a short reprieve

Don’t despair… she never won

Off to Gran’s where love you’ll receive

These Summers are your respite

from the unremitting torment.

In those halcyon days will joy flit,

until home again you must be sent.

You’ll survive her madness

and leave her insanity behind.

Life will shine for you, I promise,

Coming to you, a heart and eyes so kind.

I swear to you, by all Heaven,

More love and joy will come

Than all the suffering she’ll leaven.

For each dark day, a hundred in the sun…

Love and joy so much better

Than you can imagine of a lover

Pressed down, shaken together…

I pledge… yes, and running over… 

Whispered kisses and a healing space…

A lover strong and kind and bright…

A gentle heart of endless grace…

Ebony eyes will shine with Love’s light…

They will shine only for you and for the person you will become in me.

by D. Denise Dianaty

Reviews

[Lydia Shutter]

Perhaps it is better we can not see into the future. If the future was a foregone conclusion, we might not work as hard to get through the bad times. Unique poem here. I don't do the challenges so I was unaware of it. Lots of good introspection and honest emotion in your words. I enjoyed it. Lydi**

[MomzillaNC]

Thanks. This one brought up all kinds of emotions… when I think on what I'd have missed out on if I'd given in to that teen angst, destructive impulse… It's frightening and makes me even more grateful for all the love and joys I have now.

[Pryde Foltz]

Whispered kisses and a healing space…
A lover strong and kind and bright…
A gentle heart of endless grace…
Ebony eyes will shine with Love’s light…

Acceptance and forgiveness leads to grace. This is a graceful write, for sure:)

[MomzillaNC]

Thanks so much.

[Confuser]

I thought it was lovely; kinda threw me when the font changed/it seemed to go in another direction; but your writing is great you know that. I enjoyed reading it so much. Thank you.

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you. The font changes are deliberate to delineate the truths and the future the 13 year old me cannot fathom.

[Confuser]

Oh, I just read it again. I still love it. Actually, I knew why, my mind must have wondered, and it was like I was reading another poem. The re-read, something, I do often, can make things much clearer and it did for me; and it reminded me of going to my Grandmothers' and coming home again. You're a great writer.

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you.

[Confuser]

You're welcome.

[MusicManiac]

Wow, you always write so beautifully, no matter the topic!

First of all, I'm glad that you took up the challenge--I know that our teenage years can be rather personal and even though writing is all about expressing ourselves, sometimes topics are too personal to share. You cover such a range of emotions in this poem and your choice to change the font was really a clever thing!

You have some wise things to tell your thirteen year old self, and I found that while writing mine, I didn't even realize I had those things to say until I, well, said them.

I don't want to comment about things that I don't know about, but you obviously have experienced and learned a lot, and hopefully this challenge not only helped (in some weird way) yourself, but others reading as well.

This is a very heartfelt piece, thank you for sharing it!

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you. This piece did just seem to write itself.

I've come to terms by now with that bad old place my heart no longer dwells. I hope the success of my story helps others though.

[MusicManiac]

You're welcome! And I hope it does as well!

[Jordan]

I like the concept of this piece. What you have done here is exceptionally cool, not to mention relatable - I think we all want to travel back and share wisdom with our old selves. I think I'll try this challenge!

Great job!
Jordan

[MomzillaNC]

Thanks. It's MusicManiac's challenge. I look forward to reading your answer to the challenge.

[therisa]

Momzilla, your poem reminds me, of my teenage years, which I want to forget and erase, forever. Of the sorrow that I experienced, from my family and other kids, who bullied me. My struggles, to keep afloat, with my schoolwork and personal issues.

Sorry, for the downer, from me.

[MomzillaNC]

Thanks for the RR. Sorry it dredged up hard memories for you.

I experienced bullying and worse in school. Outside of school, an abusive mother, an absent father (always overseas in the Navy) and pedophilia. I survived and found true peace and joy. Those terrible things helped form me, helped make me who I've become.

[therisa]

I know, but still dislike having this memories of mine. As for the RR, you have been very fair, in accepting my RRs. Something, I need to work on, these memories of mine.

[MomzillaNC]

I pray you come a place where your torments become merely the mould that formed the happier you.

[therisa]

In time, Momzilla.

[R Smith]

great a poem of you telling you to be strong for the future will end well, that's a wonderful concept to be able to walk back in time and say 'be strong, you'll be ok' fantastic Mom, well done :)

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you very much. I look forward to your answer to this challenge.

[R Smith]

er, good point, i had'nt thought about that lol

[MomzillaNC]

I was actually surprised by this challenge from MusicManiac. I never thought about addressing some aspect of my past self.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

We all are continually changing with every event in our life, every mistake we make and every achievement we accomplish… most of them are minor so they go unnoticed…

As TIm McGraw sings "I'm not as good as I'm gonna get but I'm better than I use to be."

[MomzillaNC]

Very true words. Thanks for the review.

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

You are most welcome.

[realmwriter]

You pulled through and your 13 year old self would be happy to know it. You found love and your 13 year old self would be ecstatic I am sure. Somewhat emotional for me. Though I am not sure why, or that I can do this challenge much justice.

[MomzillaNC]

Thanks. I think you have a great poetic voice and will compose something wonderful. Just be honest… don't be afraid to express the pain and show where it led you.

[realmwriter]

I will try. But I don't know If I can be in touch with me then and speak to me now. But none the less, I will try.

[MomzillaNC]

You can do. I know you can.

[realmwriter]

I can try, I can try.

[MomzillaNC]

I'll be disappointed if you don't.

[realmwriter]

I'm adding it to the challenge now. See what you think. Titled, "I Let It Go"

[MomzillaNC]

I loved it. I knew you had it in you. Nyah! ;P I told you so!

[realmwriter]

Lmao. That actually did make me laugh out loud too. Thank you for the push. I needed that.

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome. And, yeah. I'm bein' a bit silly today -- happy to amuse!

[The Black Warrior]

OHhhh, this is beautiful, love the imagery, the wording, how gracefully it flows...Nicely done!

Simply wonderful...Exquisite ;)

[MomzillaNC]

Thanks so much.

[The Black Warrior]

You are very welcome, this is indeed a truly beautiful piece!

[Tate Morgan]

I remember 13 For me it was an easy year as i was a swimmer i guess i have always been lucky i never ever desired death and always loved whatever age i was never wanting to get older

[MomzillaNC]

I think you were lucky. But, I can't regret the past that made me the person my husband loves, the person who became my son's mother.

[Tate Morgan]

Exactly I must agree