Self Imposed Damnation

Self Imposed Damnation

A Poem by Monstrositee
"

Its another "force yourself to sit and write" deal. Please criticize.

"
Bred for the slaughter, 
The sinners and martyrs,
All fall on their own in the end.
Darkness surrounds you.
These walls let no sound through.
This emptiness, your only friend.
Now that you've seen this,
how bitter defeat is,
You still think you'd do it again?
As you lie broken,
I hope your eyes open,
To see the wounds that time can't mend.

© 2012 Monstrositee


Author's Note

Monstrositee
Counting syllables sucks, almost as much as I suck at doing it.
still looking for tips, criticisms, comments, and other remarks.

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I do like the feel; reads a little like lyrics, don't know if it was intentional.

I'm more of a free verse advocate so I am VERY bias, but maybe don't count the syllables AS you write, save it for a later draft? The images and the atmosphere your word choices make are very forceful; perhaps write in lines, as if you were writing prose, pick out what is worth keeping and tailor into a structure later?

You do seem like a very natural writer.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I do like the feel; reads a little like lyrics, don't know if it was intentional.

I'm more of a free verse advocate so I am VERY bias, but maybe don't count the syllables AS you write, save it for a later draft? The images and the atmosphere your word choices make are very forceful; perhaps write in lines, as if you were writing prose, pick out what is worth keeping and tailor into a structure later?

You do seem like a very natural writer.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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Roe
Dark poem, great flow, very good write.

Posted 12 Years Ago


dark and foreboding. i like the imagery and it really does justice to the title. you form is just fine. you should just write however you feel and not restrict yourself to rules, etc.

Posted 12 Years Ago


thanks :)

Posted 12 Years Ago


This is ruthless and powerful! Most of the poems that I've read, that are based on syllable form, seem to loose their meaning; that is not true for this piece. Great work.

Posted 12 Years Ago



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354 Views
5 Reviews
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Added on February 28, 2012
Last Updated on February 28, 2012
Tags: sinners, martyrs, slaughter, broken, wounds, friend, death, walls, defeat, more loosely relevant tag words

Author

Monstrositee
Monstrositee

Lansdale, PA



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"I'm so defensive that I actually work to make people dislike me so I won't feel bad when they do." I am not unique. I need not think. I am just like you, and you are like me. Though some may hide.. more..

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