So Alone Verse

"So Alone Verse" (Dansonn Beats)


Being enlightened like this, I could never be frightened of them/
For they live in darkness, and hate the light from my pen
I swear my faith's in the Lord, til he makes my life end/
Til then, I wear his armour like I'm out for revenge
I sent my God a letter, begging for some better days/
It's then he sent an Angel, yet he had a Staffy face
And when it's time to leave, I beg you keep my Staffy safe/
As that Staffy made me happy, on the bleakest days
I'm so scared you will take him, like I beg you don't, please/
Cause that day will break me, like a toy that's Chinese
As a boy what was needed, was the beatings to stop/
And since I never had a father, all I had was hip-hop
I was really good at reading, I could write a rap verse/
A couple teachers could see this, I would write when I hurt
I've been rhyming these words, for thirty years of my life/
And the one thing that I've learned, is these words will not die.


Copyright 2022 The Elusive Mr Dunne
(All rights reserved)

Reviews

[eroticfanatic99]

This is great, I'm Impressed.

[JE Falcon]

GOOD --- "And the one thing that I've learned, is these words will not die."
Maybe something stronger, more forceful. --- And the one thing that I've learned.
These words will not die!

[Cameron Lockhart]

Sorry for not noticing your request right away, but here I am. This made for yet another solid poem from you. I can't really relate to the religious angle, but the narrator's backstory sounds very tragic and intriguing. I also chuckled at the line, "Cause that day will break me, like a toy that's Chinese." I didn't find anything wrong with the spelling, grammar, or other writing mechanics, so that's also a plus.

Keep up the good work!

[Ted Kniffen]

Quite intriguing. There is much here that I understand. The aloneness ... the lack of a father ... the reading anything and everything you can get your hands on ... and a dog. Nothing is better than a dog for companionship ... breaks your heart when they are gone.
I quite like this.
Well done.

[Betty Hermelee]

a heart-breaking piece of pain and feeling lonely and maybe fear as well. you seem angry at those who don't like you poetry, and it bothers you immensely; Now you talk to God and plead with him to help you out of this misery; then God sent an angel to help you and it was your fear that this angel may disappear you also told god/Angel that you used to write Rap and that you've been rhyming for years; even if you die, your words will remain forever. Nice!
Best, B

[Dara]

Very powerful and touches the heart.
This line in particular struck a chord with me.
“Til then, I wear his armour like I'm out for revenge.”
I hope the person in the poem found much better days as he grew older!