Dreams Don't Lie

Lily's world is turned upside down when she is shot and finds out the truth about her father and the mother that she never knew, which is linked to a recurring dream that she had.

Dreams Don’t Lie

I awoke from sleep again, with tears in my eyes and my heart racing. I quickly grabbed my Bible from under my pillow and started to read in Proverbs. It was almost completely normal for this to happen to me, so it wasn’t that big of a deal. Every time, the dream was the same: me, screaming for my mommy and kicking and hearing someone calling me Nicky and the world becoming blurry. Ever since I was four years old, I had this recurring nightmare and I am 19 now. I don’t know what triggered it and honestly, don’t know where it could have come from. I don’t remember much of anything before I was four or even eight anyway. I have scattered memories, but it’s hard to pinpoint any of them. I don’t know anything about my mother. I’ve always wondered and asked, but never get any answers.
“Are you ok Lily?” my younger sister Rena asked me, coming into my room. We lived with our father, pretty much since she was four, which was 12 years ago, and though we had different mothers, we were very close and a lot alike. One of the only ways we were not alike was the fact that I was one of Jehovah’s Witnesses and she was not. As a matter of fact, I was the only one in my family that was. As soon as I turned 16 and could drive, that was the first thing I did. For some strange reason, I was always so attracted to Jehovah’s Witnesses. My father was so against it at first, that he threatened to kick me out, but something kept him from doing it. Now, he doesn’t care. “Yea, Re,” I said, looking up from my Bible. “I’m fine. Just the same old nightmare. My therapist just told me that it is due to some trauma that I suffered as a child that I do not remember. I don’t see how that whole first four years of my life can just be erased from my memory.”
“Who knows,” she said. “Well, I’m going back to sleep now.”
“Ok,” I said. “Goodnight.”
As she went back into her room, I opened up the patio door of my princess like window and went out to lie under the stars. I looked up at the stars and just imagined what my mother may have looked like. I had a few stepmothers in my life, most of which were evil and I could not even imagine the love of a mother. I wanted to know who I was, where I came from, who my mother was. I didn’t know if she had died or anything like that. Little did I know that I was about to find out.
About five minutes later, I heard gunshots and ducked inside my room. Rena joined me seconds later, screaming. We got underneath my bed and just quietly hugged each other, crying. Running through my head was where is my father? Who is shooting in our house and would they find us?
At that moment, I saw shoes come in. I gave Rena the pillow I had been holding and got on top of her underneath my bed to protect her. I heard two shots fired in my room and felt a sharp pain in my side. I didn’t scream but I was in so much pain. The shoes soon left the room and I heard more shots being fired. But they were coming from outside.
“Oh my god Lily,” Rena said as we crawled out from under the bed. “You’ve been shot.”
“Ya think?” I said, holding the gunshot wound. I fell to the floor and blacked out, hearing my sister calling my name.
I woke up a little while later in the hospital, still in a lot of pain, with my little sister sitting next to my bed crying.
“Rena,” I said, reaching for her hand.
“Lily,” she said, hugging me. I would have winched in pain had it not been for the fact that I was so happy to see her.
“Are you ok?” I asked. “What happened after I fell asleep?”
“You were unconscious,” Rena said. “But anyway, apparently this guy was after Dad, of course, and no one died. We were the only ones in the house. But Dad has been arrested. Apparently there is something else that he has not told us.”
“Really?” I asked. “Well I figured, but what could it possibly be?”
She went over to the TV and turned it on. My father’s name and the name of the shooter were plastered all over the TV. Come to find out that my father had done so many things that were terrible and included putting hits out on people and raping women. It was so mortifying; I could not handle all of it.
“Oh my gosh Rena,” I said. “And now I’m shot.”
“Lily, this isn’t even what I wanted to tell you,” she said. But before she could even get the words out, the newest breaking news in this case shocked me more than anything ever had:
‘EDWARD REDMAN CHARGED WITH KIDNAPPING IN 15-YEAR-OLD KIDNAPPING CASE!’
“What?” I said, trying to sit up but cramping in pain.
The story went onto say that 15 years ago, my father, who actually was not any relation to me, hired men to kidnap me from my family, the Daniels in North Carolina. Also arrested was my first therapist, who was not only charged with covering up the kidnapping but also admitting to giving me drugs and brainwashing me into my new identity. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I just kept crying. It also went onto say that this information came out after a picture of me was shown on CNN, since my father is such a high profile person, my real parents recognized it. It all made sense now. The secrecy about my mother and the recurring nightmare of someone calling my name Nicky. All of that terrible dream really happened and I was too young to know what was going on.
All I could do was cry. I cried for days. My current therapist, who honestly had no idea of what was going on, came and sat with me. She didn’t want to talk about it. She just loved me enough to stay around. My sister was there too. It was a lot to have to take in.
I went home from the hospital about four days later and though I was still in pain, I managed to make it up the stairs to the very room where I had been shot. I lay down on my bed, where I could see the two bullet holes in the mattress. I was still very upset about this discovery. I was more upset about it than I was about being shot.
“Lil,” Rena said coming into the room and sitting on my bed.
“My life is totally turned upside down,” I said, turning towards her slowly. “I just can’t believe all of this is happening. I am not really any relation to the man who had raised me. I have a whole family that I didn’t know existed. And no one knew about it. I just don’t get it. Why would you kidnap someone’s child like that?”
“I don’t know,” Rena said. “But what I do know is maybe you should find the answers for yourself.”
She was right. My 15 year old sister was right. If I was ever going to heal from this, I needed to take the initiative. Now the only question on my mind was going to be ‘How?’
A few hours later, my friend Angie, who also studied the Bible with me when I was 14 and 15, came to see me. She had been out of town when the shooting happened but had been calling in and checking on me. She was like a big sister to me and she was also my nanny when I was a young teenager. Everything always felt alright when she was around.
“Honey, are you ok?” she said hugging me.
“I’m ok,” I said. “Still in a little pain.”
“I’m so sorry I haven’t been here for you,” she said. “I’m sorry that I didn’t recognize the signs that something was wrong when you were younger.”
“I know you had nothing to do with it,” I said, laying in her arms.
“Have you thought any about trying to contact your biological parents?” Angie asked.
I started to cry. I had been thinking about it a lot over the last few days. I was so afraid though. So afraid to leave everything familiar behind.
Angie stayed with me and Rena that night, especially since her mother couldn’t get here until the next morning. But I couldn’t sleep. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get out of bed either. I had to keep reminding myself that I really had just been shot a few days ago. They got the bullets out when I was in the hospital so at least I didn’t have to worry about that.
That particular night, I stayed up most of the night praying and crying. It was going to be so hard for me, but after a while I realized that after being gone for almost 15 years, I really needed to go see my parents. Especially my mother. I never had a mother before, so it was very special for me to know that my mother does really exist. I just hoped that the things that were said about her were NOT true. I pulled out my laptop and started researching my real name, Nicole Daniels. There were a bunch of different stories about my disappearance. What was also interesting to me was that my dad had been sending them pictures of me over the years. At least one every year. They had been constantly and consistently looking for me all these years, especially because they got a picture of me every year. The only problem was it could only be seen by the naked eye. No cameras or anything could copy it. It was on a special paper that could only be seen in person. So in order for them to have searched thoroughly for me they would have had to physically take the picture around the world and literally show it to people. My dad was a technology nerd, so he figured out how to make this kind of stuff. And you would think that with that kind of paper, it would be easy to track, but it wasn’t. It was a homemade paper and my dad was very secretive about that part of his work so no one really knew about it. So, based on this information, though my parents knew I was alive, they also probably knew that Red had no intention of giving me back, especially because I still had no idea as an adult.
It took me two weeks to get back to where I could move well enough to drive. Being shot in the back was not much fun at all. I had been waited on, hand and foot by not only Angie, but also by the many brothers and sisters who had come to see me. They were all so sweet and sympathetic to what I was going through, even though none of them could fathom it. I remembered one older sister said to me, “Imagine how Jesus felt after his baptism when he suddenly remembered a whole existence that he did not at first have any memory of. That is kind of how you are. Learning about a family and a life that you never knew. Jesus had to take it all in for 40 days. Maybe you should do that too.”
I thought a lot about the sister’s words. And about how I would have felt if I had a child that came back to me after 15 years. I decided that I was going to go visit them. Rena was with her mother and I was all alone anyway. Not to mention, my dad’s house was going to be totally sold at an auction sale.
I called one of the news stations that published my father’s story and of course, they wanted to interview me, but I declined. I didn’t want to talk about how all of this felt. Mostly because I didn’t exactly know how it felt. All I knew was that my world was completely turned upside down. I asked them for an address or telephone number for my parents and they actually gladly gave it to me.
I stared at it for hours. I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do with it. Whether I wanted to file it away forever and put it out of my head or whether I wanted to give this family a chance. It was a relatively easy call to make once I thought about how I felt about wanting to know the truth about my mother. And also my father too because Red was not my father.
That day I went over to the prison to talk to my dad. I needed to know his side of the story. And the reason that he took me.
They were very difficult in letting me see him. After an hour of negotiation and pleading, they made me sign a consent form that basically said that I agreed to testify against him, in case he admitted to anything else, and I was allowed to see him.
When he came into the room, I started tearing up. He just stood there with the same tears. I got up slowly and went up to give him a hug, both of us crying. He put his arms around me, trying to avoid the gunshot wounds on my back.
“I’m so sorry. I never meant for you to get hurt, in any way,” he managed to say through our tears. “But don’t let anyone tell you anything different, I love you. I always have. Even when you would fight me when you were little. Even when you were mad at me for various reasons and ran away. I loved you.”
“I don’t doubt that,” I said. “I just can’t wrap my head around you doing this to me.”
“I don’t know what I was thinking, but I know that I was in love with your mother,” he said. “And as much as I hate to tell you this, there was a slight possibility that you were my daughter.” I let go of him and slowly backed away.
“What are you saying? And is it something that you have already revealed? Because I really don’t want to be at your trial, but I signed a consent form and went through a lot to get to come see you.”
“I have already admitted to this,” he said. “Let me tell you the whole story. I’ve known your mother since forever. We grew up together. And her husband too. When we were younger, we were very good friends. But anyway, I returned from making a lot of money to find that they were married and I wanted her to have an affair with me. I really wanted a child from her because she was so perfect. But of course, she refused because she is one of Jehovah’s Witnesses and she loved her husband and would never be unfaithful to him.”
“My parents are witnesses?” I said, shocked. That explained why I was one now and why I had always been so drawn to them. And possibly why Angie was around when I was young.
“Yes, they are,” he said. “Your therapist could not get that out of your heart. Because it was in your heart, not your head. That’s why you only have scattered memories of being 4 and up until you were 8. Once you turned 8, she stopped because she didn’t want to permanently damage your memory. Not to mention your sister was there by then. But anyway back to the story: I was mad and upset, so I … set her up and raped her.”
I honestly figured that it happened that way. I couldn’t think of why a married woman would want to sleep with my dad, even though he is a charmer and is also fine.
“I’m not shocked about that,” I said.
“Figured you wouldn’t be,” he said. “And I’m guessing, until now she never knew who raped her because I drugged her and someone else did the kidnapping for me.”
“So, how did getting me come into play?” I said.
“Well, the same way. I saw her a few times after that, of course her not knowing it was me and she was pregnant with you,” he said. “I apologized to her for how I acted before with the whole affair thing and she was like she always was. Forgiving and wonderful. I was certain that you were mine. The timing was right. And then, I saw you with her when you were 3 and I wanted you, so I hired one of my guys, actually the same ones that got her before, and they took you. I told them not to hurt either of you, though. Well, from what I read in the police report, one of them hit her with something and then got the chloroform and knocked both of you out with it. She came to about an hour later and you were gone and there was $500 on her desk.”
“And you found out I wasn’t your child when?” I asked as the terrible dream took over my head. I was kind of upset because that was exactly how it happened in my dream: I heard a thump and locked the door and I heard someone screaming my name and then the door was broken open and someone picked me up and the world got fuzzy.
“One day, I had to take you to the hospital and they had to take a blood sample to determine your blood type, just in case you needed the blood. You were probably 7. And the blood type was completely wrong. It was something that was completely wrong. There was no way that your blood type could have been that with any of my blood running inside of you, no matter what your mother’s blood type was, which I did find out, by the way. And you have her husband’s blood type,” he said. “But by that time, I couldn’t have let you go. I loved you too much for that and I knew what would happen, so I kept you hidden and kept a low profile. I didn’t want to hurt you anymore, when you were still so young.”
“Well, it’s a little late for that,” I said. “But thank you for telling me the whole story.”
“Can you promise me something?” he said. “I know I’m probably not going to be out ever again, with all the charges and crimes I am linked to and connected within the last 4 years. Please don’t forget me. And take care of your sister. Her mother is a great person too. “
“Are we your only two kids?” I decided to ask since everything was out there now.
“Yes,” he said. “Biologically, though, she is my only child.”
“Ok, time is up,” the warden said coming into the room. We both stood up and he gave me one more hug. It was strange to me that after all that has happened, I still didn’t want to leave him.
“I’ll write you,” I said, as he hugged me still. “And I’ll visit you. But you need to get some help. You are hurting as much as I am.”
“Always caring about someone else, even if they have hurt you,” he said. “That was the first thing that made me love you. You were scared when you first met me, but I hit my hand on the table and you ran over to make sure I was ok. You even put a Band-Aid on it. You have your mother’s heart.” He kissed my forehead. “Now, please don’t leave your parents waiting too long.” I nodded and left the jail, feeling like my upside down world was turned back up.
I went to the meeting that night, it was first meeting back since that shooting and everyone was so happy to see me, as I was to see the kingdom hall. There was nothing more comforting to me than being at the meeting with all of my spiritual family. As I listened that night, I couldn’t help feeling like I was home again after being gone for a while. And that made me think of my parents. I got up at the beginning of the service meeting and took the number out of my pocket, along with a picture of my parents and Red back in high school that he had given me. My mother was so young and beautiful. I couldn’t help but tear up as I stood in the carport at the hall with one of the brothers watching me and called my mother. Of course, she didn’t answer. But hearing her voice on her voicemail message made me cry. I think I just took the phone away from my ear and cried. The brother who had been watching me came out and held me while I cried. He eventually hung up my phone after about five minutes and I just stood there crying.
“It’s ok Lily,” he said. I eventually stopped crying and went back inside. I stood out by the literature counter with the brothers that were out there. They eventually made me sit down, so I sat there with all of the brothers trying to absorb the meeting.
As I sat there, I prayed as much as I could. Then after the meeting, I socialized as normal as possible. I was laughing in no time too. I absorbed this time with my brothers and sisters and enjoyed every single moment of it.
I got home that night and there was a package for me. It was from North Carolina, which probably met it was from my parents. But when I opened it, there was a picture book in it. I sat on my bed in my room, which by now had been packed up pretty much. I was sending most of my clothes that I couldn’t fit or didn’t want to the little girls in my congregation and my stuff was going to be moved to a small apartment in the city that I had found. My dad had told me what account to get the money for the apartment out of and not only paid the deposit but also paid the rent for the whole term of the lease so I didn’t have to worry about it.
I sat at my desk that night and looked through the pictures. It was from one of my two older brothers and had pictures of him and his wife, my other brother and his girlfriend, my parents, grandparents and various other people. There were also several pictures of me as a little two, three, and four year old. Most of them were taken with my mother and then there was a really cute one of my father laying on the bed looking at me and I was smiling at him. I fell asleep that night, looking through those pictures.
The next morning, I woke up to my phone ringing. I looked down and didn’t recognize the number, so assuming it was a news station, I ignored it. And then at the moment that it stopped ringing, I thought it could be my mother, so I tried to answer it. Missed call from another number with the same area code. I decided to call it back.
“Hello?” I said, still very tired.
“Hi Lily,” the voice said on the other line. It was a man’s voice. “This is Tom Daniels.”
I sat right up. I didn’t really know how to respond.
“Hi,” I said. “So, I guess you are my father then, right?”
“Looks that way,” he said. “Sorry didn’t get to your call last night. It was midnight here.”
“Oh my goodness,” I said, just remembering the time zone difference. “I’m so sorry.”
“Oh don’t worry about it,” he said. “All we could hear was crying anyway.”
“Yea,” I said. “So much is going on here. Just trying to find my way through it.”
“Oh trust me, that much we know,” he said. “But we don’t know what you know.”
“Well, after talking with my Dad yesterday and looking through the pictures I got from Joey this evening, I know a little more than I did last week,” I said. “And I know that my dad thinks the world of you guys, especially my mother. And I know that you guys are witnesses too. And I know that I am your child biologically. I know a lot more too.”
“Well, seems like you at least have the basics down,” he said. “What had he told you about your mother before?”
“It was your classic story,” I said. “She was on drugs, he saved me and he didn’t know where she was. I never believed that though. Well, I hoped it wasn’t true. But I never knew anything else. I didn’t even know what she looked like. But I do know that he sent you guys a picture every year on his special photo paper.”
“You know quite a bit actually,” he said.
“I woke up from surgery and found out pretty much everything,” I said.
“Yes, we heard about that. That’s actually how we found you,” he said. “They showed a picture of you on the news after the shooting happened and we recognized it and called into the police up there. We didn’t know that your name was Lily until a little later.”
“I know,” I said. “It’s difficult. I feel like I have two different identities, which for all intensive purposes I do.”
“Well, technically, yes, but deep inside you are Lily,” he said.
“But to you I’m always Nicky, right?” I said, thinking I was finishing his thought.
“No,” he said. “You are my daughter, no matter what your name is or who you think you are. I’m going to love you either way.”
“Oh,” I said, kind of floored by the statement. But it did make me feel better about the fact that I didn’t want to have to change my identity to fit in with my new found family. “Honestly, I don’t remember anything about being Nicky anyway. I was almost completely brainwashed and my memory destroyed. The most prominent memory that I have is when I was taken.”
“You remember that?” he said. “Did you not tell anyone?”
“Of course I did,” I said. “But everyone dismissed it as something I made up in my head that was based on another traumatic event in my life. I have had several, so it was logical.”
“Oh wow,” he said. “So, has it pretty much been just you all these years?”
“No, I have a little sister Rena,” I said. “She’s 15. Her mother is at least in her life though. Red has had her since she was 4 too, but it was for a different reason. Her mother was very young and he paid for her to go to college and grad school and to get her PhD.”
“Oh, well, that’s good,” he said. “When I found out it was Red, I was totally floored. I had seen him a lot around the time that you were actually born and when you were little, but like I’m sure he told you, we were good friends back in high school, so I really didn’t suspect anything from him. Not to mention, after it happened, he was around. Claire didn’t actually tell me about what had happened with the whole affair thing for a long time.”
“Wow,” I said. “So, how is Claire?”
“Claire is trying to make sense of all of this,” he said. “She’s happy that she knows who raped her, but she is really upset by a lot of this. She had seen a lot of Red that particular period of time after the rape and after you were taken. And he was a close family friend before our kids were born. She is also relieved that we finally know where you are.”
“I can imagine,” I said. I was silent for a second trying to figure out what to say next.
“Well, I need to go,” he said. “My lunch break is almost over. I just wanted to return your call. Is all ok for right now?”
“Oh yes,” I said. “Of course, my dad’s agent is liquidating and selling the house and I have to move out. But I have a nice apartment in the city waiting for me. And it’s close to the Kingdom Hall that I go to.”
“Well, that is great,” he said. “I want to just let you know that if you want to come see us at any point, just come. You don’t need an invitation or to let us know. I know that you have to come on your time, so there’s no rush or anything. I just wanted to make sure that you know that.”
“Ok,” I said. “Thank you so much. I’m glad that I have finally gotten to talk to one of you.”
“Yes,” he said. “I am so glad to know that you are ok. And a lovely woman. And it’s great to just hear your voice.” I could hear him getting a little choked up.
“Please don’t cry,” I said. “I can hear it in your voice.”
“I won’t,” he said. “I probably won’t cry again until I see you.”
“Yea, I can see that,” I said. “Well, I will talk to you again soon, Tom.”
“You too my dear,” he said. “Take care.”
“You too,” I said as we hung up the phone. I wanted him to say ‘I love you’, but I realized that he wasn’t going to. And I knew it wasn’t because he didn’t love me. It was just because he knew he was dealing with an emotional young woman. Well, honestly, one thing I was not was emotional. But what he had told me about how my mother was dealing with all of these mysteries being solved really made me think. It made me think that maybe I wasn’t the only one going through a confusing time in my life. I decided that after I moved completely, I would go to see them.
One week later, I went to my dad’s preliminary hearing. Most people thought that I should not have gone, but I wanted to be there for my dad, so I went. All of the allegations and charges he plead guilty to except one. There was a charge that talked about how he sexually assaulted me on one occasion that I ended up in the hospital, which was untrue. I don’t know who brought that up, probably his crazy ex-wife, but it was totally untrue. I knew exactly what happened that particular time and was willing to testify if anyone wanted to challenge it.
After the trial that day, I went in to see my dad. He was very shocked to see me.
“What are you doing here?” he asked. “I saw you at the hearing. Why did you decide to come?”
“Because you are my dad no matter what you have done,” I said. “And I’m nosy.”
“I was waiting for that,” he said. “So, have you talked to Claire yet?”
“No,” I said. “I just can’t bring myself to do it.”
“You should,” he said. “She probably just wants to hear your voice.”
“I have tried to call her, but Tom always picks up the phone,” I said. “Maybe she’s not ready to face me yet.”
“Ya know, she did fight for you,” he said. “The guys said that she really was fighting to keep them away from you. But they got the better of her. And there was nothing that she could really do. She probably feels totally responsible. For not protecting you.”
“I never thought about that,” I said. “Well, either way, I am going to see them next week.”
“That’s wonderful dear,” he said. “I wish you all the best.” I gave him a hug and shortly after that I left.
That afternoon, Angie came over to my place to cook lunch for me before I left for Wilmington.
“I am actually a little nervous,” I said. “Mostly about meeting my mother. I have yet to talk to her. I don’t know what to think.”
“Don’t worry,” she said. “Everything will go just fine. My concern that you will not want to come back after you go to meet them.”
“You don’t have to be concerned about that,” I said. “If I really feel that way, then I will at least let you know.”
She laughed as we enjoyed lunch together. I later called Rena and she was so excited for me. Everyone was really. I was still nervous, but I knew that it was something that I had to do. As I boarded the plane that next morning, I knew that it was going to be a very emotional visit, but I was ready for it. As we took off from the airport in Seattle headed for Charlotte NC, I prayed very hard to not mess this up and for things to go well.
When I landed in Charlotte, I got a rental car and drove the rest of the way to Wilmington, which was four hours away. As the piedmont slowly turned into sand dunes on the beautiful beaches of North Carolina, I made up ridiculous scenarios of what could happen when I got there. By the time I finally arrived in Wilmington, it was early evening and I was blasting Kingdom songs as I followed the GPS directions to the Kingdom Hall, since it was Thursday night and everything.
I changed my clothes and went inside, where I was greeted by many different people. And odd as I thought it was, it seemed like most of the people that I talked to knew who I was. I went into the auditorium that evening and found a seat up in the front in the middle of the third row. I put my things down and as soon as I came out of the row, I ran into a brother and fell down. ‘Real smooth, Lil’ I thought to myself as the brother helped me up and others came to check to see if I was ok.
“Oh, I am so sorry, sister,” he said after the commotion had calmed down. “The brothers keep telling me to slow down.”
“Oh don’t worry about it. I am the clumsy one,” I said. The brother was very good-looking and had a very gentle and kind demeanor about him. “I’m Lily Reddman.”
“Nice to meet you Sister Reddman,” he said.
“Please call me Lily,” I said. “I am too young to be Sister Reddman.” He laughed.
“I understand,” he said. “Just like I am too young to be Brother Hargett. David.”
“Well, it’s nice to meet you,” I said. “Even under the clumsy circumstances. I fall a lot. I’m just glad I didn’t mess up the stitches in my back.”
“Oh. You had to get surgery or something?” he asked.
“It’s a long story, but something like that,” I said.
“Yea, everyone has their story,” he said. “Well, I hope to see you again soon.” He walked away smiling and I think I was blushing, so I got up and went back into the foyer. I sat down in the chair by the door and greeted everyone as they came in. Before long it was time for the meeting to start, so I took my seat. I had noticed that someone’s books were in the seats to the right of me.
As we all sang the song, I saw out of the corner of my eye a woman come and sit next to me, looking for her song book. I picked up the large print songbook and tapped her on her shoulder to hand it to her. She turned around and, sure enough, I was face to face with my mother, Claire Daniels. She immediately knew who I was, as did I.
“Lily?” she said. I nodded. She put her hand over her mouth and the next thing I knew, she had embraced me in a hug. Perfect time for the opening prayer. As I stood there, holding my mother’s hand, I could feel myself about to cry. I knew nothing about my mother except that we were both here for the reason of serving Jehovah and that was enough to make me feel like I had known her forever. After the prayer, she borderline pulled me out into the foyer, where Tom was standing behind the literature counter. “Tom?”
“Yes,” he said, turning around. His face did something very similar: total shock and disbelief at the sight of me standing there. “Lily.” He came from behind the counter and hugged me so tightly. “When? How?”
“Hi Tom,” I said, still in his arms. I could hear him crying. I could hear both of them crying. All of the other brothers were looking on, most of them smiling. It was a surreal feeling. I knew that this was one of the first places that I actually saw as a child and to be back here with parents was a real completing feeling. I could no longer contain my own joy and I cried too.
Eventually this moment wore off and we went back to our normal places. And it made that meeting that much better. Hearing my parents’ comments and even my father’s talk was very comforting to me. Of course, the truth would be something that we would always have in common, but it was after the meeting that I was nervous about.
After the meeting, my parents both scattered to say hi to all the people that I had already met and David came back up to me again.
“So, you are Brother and Sister Daniels’ daughter? The one that was kidnapped a long time ago?” he asked coming back. I nodded. “Word spreads fast in the hall.”
“Well, it’s a tiny congregation,” I said. “Looks like all of you are close knit, like my congregation in Seattle, only smaller.”
“Yes, we are,” he said, looking around at the congregation with a smile on his face. “We’ve all been through a lot together. Many hurricanes, tragedies, and Satan trying to tear us apart. But that has only made us stronger.”
“That’s like when I was shot,” I said. “My congregation was pulled together in a way that I never expected to take care of me and help me through everything that happened.”
“Wow, that sounds crazy,” he said. “But it’s good that it brought your congregation together.” I smiled. “Well, gotta finish with the contribution boxes, so look forward to seeing you again.”
“You too David,” I said. He walked away and I left my row and started socializing with many more people. I felt kind of shy, but they quickly broke me out of that. Especially the older sisters who knew me when I was a lot younger, before I can remember. As it got closer and closer to 9:30, people started going home, including Claire. I looked for her everywhere and she was gone.
“Claire went home already,” Tom said. “She went to get the guest room ready for you. That is, if you don’t already have a place to stay.”
“No, I don’t,” I said. “I was going to look after the meeting, but since you offered, I can’t say anything but yes.”
“You’re right,” he said. “So, let’s be on our way then.”
I got in my car and followed him back to their house. The sandy dirt road leading up to the house was barely visible in the darkness of the night on the ocean. The stars and the big huge moon were the only lights to guide us to the house that night. Only Tom’s headlights and my headlights behind him let me know that I was going to right way.
We pulled up to a medium-sized two-story house with a big front porch. I loved the house from the outside. It was so nice. It wasn’t like my Red’s house, way over the top, which I liked. I got out of the car and the warm ocean breeze blew my hair and filled me with the smell of salt water.
“I love this house,” I said, trying to get my suitcase out of the truck of the car. That was when I felt a little pull from one of my stitches. “Ow.”
“Let me get it,” Tom said, coming to pull the bag out. “Are you ok? You didn’t pull out one of your stitches, did you?”
“No,” I said. “I just strained it a little. It’s fine.” I put my hand up the back of my shirt and of course, my hand came out with blood on it. Not too reassuring for my father.
“Oh my goodness,” he said. “Do I need to take you to the hospital?”
“No,” I said. “It’s nothing serious. I’ve done this several times. All I need is one of my gauze pads. No big deal.” I could tell that he was totally freaked out by this.
“Ok,” he said, walking with me towards the house.
When I went into the house, I instantly got a flashback. I wondered if this was the house that I had been taken from when I was a little kid, but for some reason I doubted it.
“Wow,” I said, looking at the staircase almost right when you come into the house. On the right was the formal living room and Tom’s study, then on the right was the den and the kitchen. It was very much the epitome of a southern house. “Is this the house that I grew up in?”
“No,” Tom said. “Shortly after we lost you, we moved here. We lived in a smaller house on the other side of town when that happened. This house used to belong to my parents. We came up here for the summer though.”
“Oh,” I said, trying to search my memory for all of the things that I was seeing. I was so sad because none of it was there.
“Honey, we’re home,” Tom said. “And Lily needs help with something.”
“OK,” she said from upstairs. “I’m almost done in here if you want to give her a grand tour.”
“Ok,” he said, picking my suitcase back up. “Well, let’s just go upstairs. You are a big girl. You can explore the house in the morning. We need to take care of those stitches.”
“OK,” I said. I wasn’t going to argue with him. We went up the stairs and in the skylights I could see the stars shining down through the glass. Tom knocked on the only door in that house that had a glowing light spilling out the bottom and Claire opened the door.
“Here you go,” she said, opening the door. I went into the room and it was your average room, with a window bench on one side and a door on the other side that faced the ocean and let in the cool summer breeze.
“Great,” I said, coming in and laying the bag that I had on the bed. “Thank you.” Tom brought in my suitcase.
“You have a bathroom right through this door,” she said, showing me the door. “And this door opens to let in the breeze if you want. And… I think that is it.”
“Ok,” I said, standing there very awkwardly. I felt rather out of place in their house. With my super expensive suitcase and duffle bag that Red had gotten for me, that I’d had for years too.
“Well, if you need anything else, just let us know, ok?” Tom said. “Do you need help with the stitches?”
“No, I know what to do, but thank you,” I said. I wanted so badly for them to say something else, but neither of them did. They both just looked at me.
“Well, I guess we’ll be leaving you to do your thing. If you get hungry, there’s plenty to eat in the fridge. Help yourself to anything you want. And we will see you in the morning. I know you must be tired from the plane ride here,” Claire said, tugging Tom out of the room.
“Yes,” I said. “And I drove from Charlotte, so I’m pretty tired.”
“What a long drive,” Tom said. “I did it a lot when I was young though.”
“Yup,” Claire said. I couldn’t help but smile at them. “Well, good night Lily.”
“Good night you two,” I said as they left the room. I went up to the door after they left and listened quietly. About halfway down the hallway, Claire stopped walking and started crying. I could hear Tom say to her ‘It’s alright, honey.’ I wanted to go out and comfort her, but I felt kind of powerless to do so. I just went to the bathroom and took care of my stitches. The hardest part was always wrapping the tape around myself. It took me like 20 minutes to get it wrapped around correctly, but I did it and felt a lot better. The wound was healing slowly, but it was healing well. It made me think of the process of healing that me and my family were going to have to go through in order to get back to our new normal lives.
A few minutes later, after I had gotten into my nightgown, there was a light knock on my door. I went up to the door and opened it very slowly and Tom was there at the door. I had already unpacked everything and put it in its spot. I was not a super fashionista like Red and several of my stepmothers were, but I had a crazy skill of packing a lot of things in a small place.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hi,” I said, opening the door wider so he could come in. “You can come in if you want to.”
“Ok,” he said, hesitating at first and then coming in. “Did you get your stitches taken care of? I hope I’m not nagging you or anything.”
“Not at all,” I said. “I understand why, so can’t be mad at you. And that was what I had to do first. Didn’t want to stain my pink nightgown.”
“Well, that’s great,” he said. He looked like he wanted to say something, but for some reason, he was so hesitant.
“Tom,” I finally decided to say. “There’s no reason to be hesitant towards me. I’m a very mild person and I know that you feel kind of awkward around me because you know who I was as a child, but you don’t know who I really am and how my personality has changed.”
“I know,” he said. “I look at you and I see my little girl that I missed so much.”
“I know,” I said, remembering what Red had told me about having a little girl on one of my trips to see my cousins in LA. “Once your little girl, always your little girl.”
“Exactly,” he said. “But just by observing you the past few hours and talking to you the last few weeks, I have come to the conclusion that you are the same. Very gentle and kind and sweet.” I sat down on my bed.
“I want to show you something,” I said, looking through my book bag. He sat down next to me on the bed. I finally found one of the pictures that Joey had sent me, the one with the picture of me on the bed with him when I was a baby, smiling at him. I pulled it out and gave it to him. He started to laugh a little at the picture, but I could also see his eyes tearing up too.
“Did Joey have this picture?” he asked me.
“Yes and many others that he sent to me. I think I brought a lot of them back,” I said. “I don’t need all of them. They are your family memories and things like that.”
“True. But this one we have a copy of, so you can keep it,” he said, giving the picture back to me. “Have you talked to Joey?”
“No, but I have emailed him a few times,” I said. “Haven’t talked to Mason at all though.”
“He calls pretty often,” Tom said. “But he is always travelling, so we don’t see him that much anymore.”
“OH,” I said. “Yea, Red wanted me to be a world traveler like that, but I am just fine with staying put while everyone else explores. They need someone to take care of home, right?”
“Well, most of the time home actually takes care of itself,” he said. “But I understand completely. That’s how one of my brothers was. He always held down the home front while the rest of us went to Bethel, did missionary assignments, travelled, got married, everything. But for him the place he could help the most was at home.”
“Yea, that’s how I feel,” I said. I was glad that I was actually engaged in conversation with Tom.
“Well, that’s great,” he said. “Well, I need to be getting to sleep. Long day tomorrow. Fridays.”
“I dread Fridays,” I said. “Maybe I will be excited about this one.”
“Maybe,” he said, standing up. I stood up with him and walked him to the door. “Well, I will see you in the morning.”
“Ok,” I said. I wanted for him to just pick me up in his arms and never let go. So, I made the first move and wrapped my arms around him. Once he computed what had just happened, he gently wrapped his arms around me too. It was like I had to show them that I wanted the closeness before they would show me that they wanted it and I had no problem with Tom, but with Claire, it was a different story. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight sweetie,” he said. “I hope you know that I love you and I never stopped loving you.”
“I know,” I said. “I wish I could say it back to you.”
“Don’t rush it,” he said. “It will come with time.”
“Ok,” I said, finally letting go. He looked at me and smiled as he left the room. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, so I slowly closed the door and went over to the patio door to let some ocean breeze in. I went over to the window and let the breeze blow my tears back into the room and back into my eyes. The wide range of emotions that I was feeling at that moment were a lot to process, but I knew that the more I got to know them, everything would finally fall into place.
Realizing that I was incredibly hungry, I put on my slippers and tiptoed quietly down the squeaking hallway, down to the kitchen, where Claire was sitting at the kitchen table.
“Hope I didn’t scare you,” I said, once she saw me.
“As creaky as that hallway is, I heard you,” Claire said. “Decided you were hungry?”
“I already knew,” I said. “I just had to get ready for bed beforehand.”
“Ok,” she said. I went over to the fridge and saw a nice fruit salad, about half-eaten, and took it out to eat it. “You don’t want anything else?”
“It’s a little late for anything else,” I said. “I’ll just wait until morning.”
“Ok,” she said. She just sat there at the table, looking into her cup like she was studying it. I sat down at the table with the fruit salad and after praying over it, started to eat. There was an eerie quiet in the house. All I could hear was my chewing. I wanted to say more to my mother, but I couldn’t think of anything, so I looked around for something I could use as an icebreaker. Then I remembered the pictures I had been looking at and put in my pocket. One was the picture with my father on the bed and in the other, I was probably about two or three and my mother and I were asleep in a rocking chair by the window in my old bedroom.
“It’s so quiet out here,” I finally said breaking the silence.
“It is,” Claire said. “That’s a good thing for me though. So quiet that I can hear everything going on.”
“That’s true,” I said, stuffing another pineapple in my mouth. Then I understood what she meant. She was making a subtle reference to when I was taken. It also occurred to me that they moved out here because of the fact that it was quiet and Claire didn’t have to worry so much about what might happen.
“That makes sense,” I said. She looked up at me and smiled. Then she went back to studying her cup, which was now closer to empty.
“Claire?” I said. She looked up at me and in that one moment, I could tell that she was still coming to grips with everything that has happened in the last couple weeks, not to mention countless years before that. “I know that the last few weeks have been hard and emotional for you. They have been for me too. After hearing everything that you have been through, not just with me, but in general, I can only imagine how it makes me feel.”
“Yea,” she said. “I try not to think about any of it. It’s too depressing sometimes. But I do want to tell you this: I never gave up looking for you. Not once. I always dreamed of finding you and you running to me and remembering me.”
“Well, I’m sorry that I don’t remember you,” I said. “But, all my life, I have been struggling to remember you. Even now, I want to find you in my memory somewhere. My first memories are of when I was four and being in my therapist office with Redd and him telling me not to be scared. I could never remember anything before that.”
“You didn’t remember us before that?” Claire asked, extremely surprised. “What was his story? He was notorious for making up stories.”
“As I grew up,” I explained. “Redd always told me that he slept with a young college student and I was the product of it, but that she was wreckless and on drugs and that she left me on his doorstep in bad shape.”
“Wow,” she said. “He really saw me that way?”
“Oh no, not at all,” I said. “He made her up. It was no reflection of how he felt about you. He loved you. He borderline worshipped that ground you walked on and said that you were the best mother he ever knew.”
“Wow,” she said. “I still cant believe that it was him that did all of those things to me and to you.”
“Yes,” I said. “And come to find out that the reason I have very few memories of before I was eight is because Redd had my early memories erased. My first therapist gave me some experimental drug that slowly erased my long term memory. So all of my memories from before I was eight are fuzzy. And from before I was four, I don’t remember at all.”
“Wow,” she said. “That is both amazing and alarming. If he could use that to erase things you want to remember, he could also do things to erase things that you don’t want to remember, which wouldn’t be terrible.”
“Well, there was one thing that he could not erase from my memory as hard as he tried. Especially because it caused me so much pain,” I said. “He could never erase this terrible dream that I have.”
“A dream? What was it about?” she asked. I was afraid to say what the dream was about because I knew that she was the only person that would know exactly what I was talking about. I didn’t want to bring up any more painful memories than I had to.
“I don’t know if I want to tell you,” I said. I put down my fork and took the empty plate and put it in the sink gently, so as not to disturb Tom.
“Please,” she said. “I have longed to see you and I just really want to know how all this has really affected you. If for no other reason, to figure out how to fix it.”
“You can’t fix this,” I said. “But you are the only one who would remember this.” I closed my eyes and then proceeded to tell her about the dream, which was essentially the day that I was taken from her. She listened closely and seemed intrigued as I told the story of the dream.
“I thought that I was the only one who had nightmares about that horrible day,” she said. “Nightmares that I woke up crying from and immediately grabbed my Bible and held it close to me and cry and pray.”
“I did the exact same thing,” I said. “And I have nightmares about it to this very day. As a matter of fact, the last time I had the dream was the night I was shot. Nothing was more traumatizing than getting shot twice in the back and being under a mattress.”
"Yea, I can understand that," she asked. "Do you know why I avoided talking to you before you were here?"
"No," I said. The fact that she admitted it to me shocked me enough. "But I think it maybe because you wouldn't know what to say to me. Or how to explain yourself. Or even how you would hold it together. How you could tell me that you are sorry for not protecting me. How you love me as much then as you do now and how difficult it has been for you without me all these years?"
My mother just burst out crying. I got up out of my seat and gently wrapped my arms around her.
"I thought that you would resent me. Or be mad at me for not being able to keep them away from you," she said, through her tears. "I went through a lot of emotional trauma after that and I didn't think that I was fit to be a mother anymore. I even told Tom to leave me and take the boys. Eventually though, it was my boys who snapped me out of it." She stopped crying and looked me in my eyes. "I am so so sorry. I never wanted anyone to hurt you. Can you forgive me?"
"Claire, I used to want to hate you so bad for leaving me," I started saying. "But I didn't know the story at all. But I never hated you. I just always wanted to know you. And I love you. I always have."
Claire gave me the biggest hug. She just stood there, holding me close to her heart for a while.
"It's so late," she said. "Well, I'm going to bed now.”
“Yea, I think I am finally tired,” I said. “Thank you for talking with me.”
“No, thank you,” she said, hugging me one more time. “For forgiving me. And being strong for me.”
When I finally got up the stairs to my bed, I was so incredibly tired, but my sleep that night was so peaceful and calm that when I woke up at 10 am the next morning, I was actually well rested.
I woke up and went to the window. The cool air from the ocean blew my hair. I thought about the conversations I had had with my parents separately and realized that they both went through a lot when I was taken. But also that I was there to heal them more than they were there to heal me. So I was going to do everything that I could to be there for them. My mother said it best when she said thank you for being strong for me.

Author's Note

There is plenty of dialogue, but there may also be some grammatical errors, spelling errors, and misplaced words. It is also not finished. It is a work in progress.

Reviews

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WOW powerful, full of deep imgaery. Intriguing as well.
Nicely written