Modern or Mangled?

My belief that our "modern" society is lacking in both virtue and originality.

Honesty in everything,
a virtue old and tried
Though in modern society,
Is it left behind?

What of authenticity�
Of things one of a kind.
Our "modern" society
Is frankly rather blind.

Bring back antique virtues,
And then I'd feel some pride
For this, our modern society,
And I wouldn't have to hide.

Author's Note

blarghy, I really don't think I did as well as I could with this. But I've been blocked, yet again.
I found a cool exercise called "30 poems in 30 days" with a daily exercise. Today's was "write about something you believe" and I came up with this.

http://www.poewar.com/category/poetry/30-poems-in-30-days/

Reviews

[bob, small b. aka invs]

you're a little young to be lamenting lost values, aren't you? i actually agree with this poem for the most part, but it's expected for people my age to be thinking the world's going to hell. a little strange coming from your generation. be that as it may, i really like your writing and your ability to say things clearly and simply and very effectively while still maintaining a decent rhythm and rhyme scheme. very nice work.

[Mark]

Kinda sad, isn't it, that "Honesty" is seen as an ANTIQUE virtue?
And, for the record, this was not "blarghy" at all! What matters is that you felt, and then felt free enough to share that feeling! Perhaps because it was an HONEST feeling, hmmm?
As to "poewar.com" I do not frequent sites whose main thing is contests and competition between poets. Poetry to me is a competition with MYSELF, to see whether the purity of a thought or feeling is strong enough to conquer my fear of it. Being compelled to write forces compromise in the quality and, well, HONESTY of the piece, so I will likely never become a commercial success. Another friend, "Max", has a thing he does called "one word". I will see if I can send you the link. Mark

[Gillian Easterwood]

Although you're not quite satisfied yourself with the poem, I think you did a pretty good job here... And contrary to what has been said below, I don't think it's the exlusive right of "older" people (sorry 'bout that), to criticize the bad things in the world ... As it's your and my generation, who are expected to do something about it ...

[Gandré]

Sadly, you are right, our society is less authentic, and as all the media companies are almost "one"....we have often the same opinion, so we should be different and critize what we don't like and follow our inner voice and create our own values. Very good poem, I loved. Also, thanks for your reviewing my fragment. be well, lara g.

[Bud]

I like this a lot! It really has a lot to say for where we're at as a people in society. Refreshing to see someone out there who believes in some old fashioned virtues and values. As far as you having "The Block", again, it really does show at all here...unless you were hoping for a longer piece. At any rate, Great piece of art! Keep it up! : >)

[Solst Rapture]

This is quite a gem too, though I think it does fail in places. I'll just point them right out to you, and save my words for other poems of yours.

Honesty in everything,
a virtue old and tried
Though in modern society,
Is it left behind?

The last line; something like, 'it feels left behind,' would make it more personal...

What of authenticity�
Of things one of a kind.
Our "modern" society
Is frankly rather blind.

Last line; the adverb, 'frankly' is the problem here I think. Two syllables, to carry the line forward, something like, 'looking'. More metaphor?

Bring back antique virtues,
And then I'd feel some pride
For this, our modern society,
And I wouldn't have to hide.

Second line; swap 'I'd' with 'I'll'?
Ah but look at this, I think it works better.


Bring back antique virtues,
and I wouldn't have to hide,
from this, our modern society
And then I'll feel some pride.

A lovely little poem. Hope my suggestions are of some use.