Undone

It feels like holding my breath waiting for the final blow to fall, the deathblow. Unable to predict when it will fall and unable to stop it from inevitably falling; all I can do is wait for you to undo... Us.

 

It feels like watching the sun un-rising and watching the rain un-falling, like waiting for the death knell to play and the funeral procession to take its first steps. I wait for you to undo...Us.

 

It feels like holding my breath underwater swimming with all of my might trying to reach the surface and take a fresh breath of air as the life-giving oxygen in the one that sustains me has been sorely depleted; however, I feel my strength waning and my muscles burning, that last stroke is always one stroke away and that first breath is always one breath away and I will never get to take it so I wait for the darkness to claim me, that is the feeling of waiting for you to inevitably undo... Us.

 

Every time I look at you I remember how it felt not to have true undying love and how it feels to have all that I have dreamed and wished for come true. All things that I have ever wanted are embodied in you...Please don't undo... Us.

 

But I wait for you to un-yes your acceptance of me as the man that you choose to spend the rest of your life with. All my life I have learned to expect the worse because if I do then I can never ever be disappointed.

 

But if I can't have the love in you then I'd would rather have the blessing of having loved you than to never have had your love in my life at all.
So I wait for you to undo...Us.

 

I wait for you to unsay the words that bound us together, to un-make the love that chained my heart to yours, and to un-love the man who thought he would always have your undying, unending, unconditional love... I wait for you to undo... Us.

 

Like tripping over an untied shoe, never able to stand; driving on an unchanged tire, never arriving at our destination, singing an unwritten song, totally out of key... I wait for you to undo... Us

 

I beg you, please don't un-love me, please don't un-claim my heart, don't un-wear the ring on your finger and don't un-cherish the love in my heart. Please don't un-miss me, don't un-sleep in our bed, don't undo the many thoughts of you that daily run through my head.

 

Don't unmake our memories together and please don't un-hold my hand, don't take away the support that you give me, for without you I'm unable to stand.

 

Don't un-write our wedding vows, or un-invite the guests, don't undo the day that I proposed to you because as I live I love that day best. If you take away the gift of having you in my life, you take away the meaning of me and I'll be left... an un-lived life.

 

This is how it feels to be coming...Undone

 

By: Nathaniel Booker
'Genius under Construction'

© Nathaniel Booker