The List

A poem.

Everyday I feel this burning within me,

I need to get online,

I need to see the list.

I need to see if I am there,

Eyes smiling with pride.

 

And everyday I'm filled with disappointment,

I am not on the list,

I am not good enough for it,

I am not worthy,

And I die a little inside.

 

Every night I lie awake and wonder,

Why was my name not there,

Why was someone less than me there,

Why wasn't I on the list,

Envy filling me for the others as I lie and think.

 

And every night I ask others,

If I'm actually any good at this game I play,

If they just say I'm good so as not to hurt me,

If I really do deserve to be on the list,

And they're just crazy for not putting me there.

 

The list,

Oh how it drives me isane,

Oh how I would give anything to be there,

Oh how I need to be on there,

The torture it invokes on me.

 

Damn you top writers list.

Author's Note

Yes, I was bored, and very frustrated with never being good enough to be on the top writers list.

Reviews

[Danielle Asher]

did you ever read Rilke's "Letters to a young Poet?" If not, read it! It's a short book and you need to hear what Rilke has to say to young writers like ourselves. I could not say it as good as him if I tried.

That list means nothing even though I totally understand the feeling. and you always write so beautifully to express your frustrations.

[The Archangel Gabriel]

Life is not all about "The List." I think that it is largely a popularity contest anyways. If your writing reaches out to just one person, it has earned its place in eternity.

"The list,
Oh how it drives me isane,
Oh how I would give anything to be there,
Oh how I need to be on there,
The torture it invokes on me."

Here's hoping that you make it! I loved this work!

-Gabe

[Nana Carmine]

That was great- you sound slightly crazy Niki. Don't lose your mind- it's only a list and I love your writing list or no list