The Girl I Love

A Story by Nami K

Love can be an unpredictable thing. You never know when will it come or how much is it going to hurt. Especially when the other person is your best friend, who is also the same gender as you.

The Girl I Love

It's the twelfth day of October and I'm in my first year in middle school. The sky is cloudy and there's a slight breeze. A loud noise was heard as someone hit the ball in the air. The girls in the class are playing voleyball, while the boys play basketball in the upper court. I would usually watch the girls from afar or play a bit with them, but not today. Today, after a very long time, I'm feeling excited again and describe everything from the concert three days ago to my classmate. The concert that made me forget my pain for a while. The concert that gave me true happiness. I haven't noticed it yet. That that quiet, foreign girl from my class is close to me and listens to me. After a while though, she approaches me.

"You went to their concert?" she asks in a low voice, but I can see a spark in her eyes.

"Yeah! I did!" I answer her with the same excitement from before. Her eyes light up and a big smile forms in her face.

"They are my favorite band!" she says happily. A warm feeling fills my chest as I open my mouth to speak.

"Really?! Mine too! Did you go to the concert?" I ask her as a different type of excitement rushes through my body.

"Unfortunately no, even though I wanted to. It was the same day with my birthday as well! I told my mom to buy me a ticket for present, but she didn't." she says with disappointment.

"Oh, that sucks. It would be so awesome to celebrate your birthday there!" I tell her and she agrees.

What happened after that conversation was something I could never predict. I had no friends. I had lost contact with my best friend as she was in another classroom. I was the weird girl in the class that no one wanted to be with. I wasn't pretty, or thin... I didn't even have long hair. But for some reason that mysterious girl didn't mind hanging out with me. We slowly became friends and even wanted to form a band together at some point. I was

having a lot of fun whenever I was with her. I felt more relaxed... More myself...

"Hahaha, are you stupid?"

I used to say that a lot. I was always joking. But I didn't know she was getting hurt. Day by day she getting more and more angry. Until that day.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing... It's just not nice when your best friend says all the time that you are stupid."

"Eh? Who's the one who says that?"

"It's you!"

It hit me hard. I didn't know she thought of me as her best friend. Of course I apologised and from that day on I always remembered that she was my best friend. I also never called her stupid again, even as a joke.

The time I spent with her was precious. The more time I spent with her, the more attached I became with her. She showed me another world, completely new to me. She taught me things no one could ever teach me. She opened my eyes in so many ways. She was the reason I became the person I am today. Everything in me I owe it to her. But at that time I hadn't realized it yet, even though we had talked about it many times. About how girls are attractive. It took me a while, but the day came when I started to question my feelings for her. That was in the second year of middle school...

"Hey, who was that guy you were talking about with your friend on facebook the other day?"

"Oh, right. I didn't mention it to you. I met him on the internet. We are in a relastionship now!"

"But your friend said something about him being a her?"

"Yeah... Umm... He's actually a girl, but dresses like a boy."

"So... You are in a relationship with a girl?"

"Yeah... I'm bisexual after all."

"Yeah... Yeah, right... I guess... I'm bisexual, too."

"You are not a bisexual."

"... Don't say that..."

I never got used to the fact that another girl claimed her. Whenever she would speak with her from skype in my house I would always be beside her, hugging her. I always hugged her and touched her.

Time passed and she broke up with that girl from the internet. She would get in relationships and then break up. She was never really serious and I was always her best friend, so I didn't mind it. Until that Halloween party, when we were in our first year in high school.

We were drunk... At least she was. Me, as always, was acting like I was drunk to act silly and used the alcohol as an excuse. At some point, while I was sitting on a chair, she came and sat on me... Kissing me twice. That day my feelings became even stronger for her.

After that our relationship didn't change. We kept on being the best friends we were. Occasionally she would let me kiss her. As the time passed, even though I told my self to stop, my feelings only became stronger. I couldn't be in a relationship for more that a few weeks and I always had her in my mind. But she was my best friend. I couldn't tell her anything. I didn't want to destroy our amazing friendship. But my mind wouldn't stop telling me that I love her. After all that time, after all the time we had spent together, after the countless hours of talking about all types of things and doing all kind of crazy stuff, I knew that I wasn't just in love with her, but that I deeply loved her. Truly. And that no matter how many days, months or years passed, I would never stop feeling the same for her. Because she was my best friend. Because I loved her as my best friend.

Two years passed and my feelings only became stonger and more painfull. It hurt... It hurt so bad. A few days before our last year in high school begun, I sent her a message.

"Call me when you can. I have something very important to tell you."

A few mintues later the phone rang.

"Hey, I got your message. What's wrong? I was so worried."

"Oh, it's ok, don't worry. I need to tell you something, but we need to meetup. When are you free?"

Once I hung up I immediately regreted it.

What am I doing? What am I doing?! She'll hate me! I'll never see her again! I'll destroy our friendship! What am I doing?!

The day came. We met at the train station. She was beautiful as always. She didn't waste time and after asking me about my day she asked me about that matter.

"I'll tell you later, so let's have fun now."

We had a great time, walking around, eating and talking about stuff. I was so happy to be next to her, but I was also terrified for later. The time passed quickly and we headed back to the train station. We waited for the train and talked with some acquaintances we found. But when the train came I found the courage.

"Can we wait for the next one? I still haven't told you about what I wanted to talk about..."

We went a bit further away to be alone and sat down. The words wouldn't come to my mouth though.

"So, what it it?"

"Uhmm... Yeah, I'm saying it now... Umm..."

"Are you in love with me? Haha."

"Haha, you get it quickly."

"Haha... Wait, seriously?"

"Yeah... Since the second grade of middle school till now."

"Oh..."

"Yeah..."

"You know, I also feel the same. I just didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to destroy our friendship."

"That's... I thought the same thing... Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't want to destroy our friendship. And now I also have my boyfriend, but even if I didn't, I still wouldn't want to tell you, because if I did my feelings might changed as the time passed. And I didn't want to stop feeling what I feel now whenever I see you."

"Oh... It's ok, I understand. I mean, I also didn't want to change our relationship or something, I just had to say it... You know, take it off my chest. I'm really glad we feel the same."

We both smiled. We went back home and while we were on the train I felt like the happiest person in the world. I still had my best friend, I had told her about my feelings and she also felt the same. I was so happy and my chest finally felt so light.

The happiness didn't last long though. As time passed I felt like I was losing her. I knew that the last year in high school was a tough one and I tried to understand, but it still hurt. Then one day she told me that she would go abroad to study. My fears became true as I was truly losing her. But I was her best friend and I had to support her.

It is the 27th day of July. I am waiting at the mall for her. To see her before she leaves. I still have a few days I can spend with her.

"Hey!"

She is drinking coffee and I'm eating a sandwich. We are talking and laughing.

"Let's hang out a bit more these days, before you leave."

"Eh? Didn't I tell you? I'm leaving tomorrow."

"Eh?"

I hold my tears while we keep on talking. I don't want her to see me crying now. It is not a good time.

Once we are finished with the coffee and the sandwich we go to some stores to buy stuff. We are having so much fun.

The time we had together was not enough at all, but we were laughing all the time. When the time came she had to leave I waited with her for the train. But it came too fast.

"Please, wait for the next one."

"Ok."

I sat on a seat and pulled her on me. While we were sitting together I was caressing her, kissing her cheek from time to time.

"Do you remember the day we met?"

"Haha, yeah."

"It was so much fun back then. I was talking about the concert and then you came and said that they were also your favorite band. Then we became best friends and were the freaks of the school, with the colorfull hair. We wanted to form a band and you were learning the guitar. I still remember the teacher teasing me for only hanging out with you... Then you moved out and left from school, but we remained friends. We went to your country and a few months later we went on that Halloween party. We got so drunk... It was so much fun."

"Yeah, it was... But we'll keep in touch. There's the phone, facebook, skype. We won't lose each other."

"Yeah."

The train came and before the doors opened I gave her a big hug. We let go of each other when we heard the doors, but before she went inside I pulled her back and kissed her. She didn't want to, but it was the last time... She got in and we waited for the doors to close. I could see she was sad. I was also sad. I started making silly faces. She laughed and made silly faces as well. I kept on doing that until the doors closed. I waved my hand as the train started moving. I didn't cry. I went home and didn't cry.

Months passed since then. We both started our new lives. It took us a while, but we started talking normaly again. I no longer feel the pain in my chest. Only a few nights like this one I get emotional. But I move on. I've already decided that this is what I have to do. So I'm moving on. She is still my friend. My best friend. My first love. And I will never lose her no matter where she goes. No matter how many years pass. I will never forget her. Even if I find my soulmate I will never forget her. For she changed my life. For she is the one who made me into the person I am today. For she is the girl I love.

© 2016 Nami K

Author's Note

This is my personal story about me and my best friend. Don't expect something erotic.
Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes, english is not my native language.