We are fables

We are the men you see down the road,
living a legacy of dreams
gone down the gutter, drowned
under the tide of endless moments,
frozen like the smiles of stillborns,
who are unaware
of the lackluster lives awaiting them.

(A pale threnody rings out
in the plush, powder-blue parlor
where Maw lies resting
in her silvery coffin,
as they lower her into
the worm-infested ground forever.)

We used to believe in colorful premonitions,
tracing the broken frowns on the faces
of those we love.
In our dreams, we tasted the word of God,
and spat it back out!
We thought there was more to creation--
fictional faces swimming upstream
to meet us in our lives,
and the eyes of long-dead lovers
still watching over us in peace.

(I bet Maw's soul descended into
the deepest hell, where piranhas feast
upon her toes, and octopi lay their eggs
where her eye balls had been.)

We were promised the Kingdom of Heaven--
limitless spreads of strawberry fields
and wine orchards
to bask under the glory of God's name.
But today, the world darkens
with the gathering storms,
the horsemen of the Apocalypse
galloping hard at our heels.

(Under the ocean, only jellyfish swim-
translucent bodies, and brains like putty.
The infinite waters swallow them whole
when they die,
leaving not even bones to weep for.)

We are the men you see up the streets.
working with our spines curved
in shapes of drenched books,
bent over screens that keep increasing,
while our visions decrease each day.
In our infinite cubicles,
whispering under the sounds
of the typing fingers,
we long for breaks,
and holidays to go home
to be lonely for a while.
We gobble up pain medications,
and sleeping pills like tictacs,
pay out bills, and save up
receipts and gift cards
to buy back what was stolen from us
when we were born.
We used to dream before,
but now we know
we are the fables
that someone else dreamt.

Reviews

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

We allow theses things due to choosing wrong choices it’s all in our control but once out of control this is the result...those who have eyes see those who have ears hear...great write here..true words and vision of humanity and the way the world has become...sadly true ...🌹

[Moonie]

Thank you for the review! And yes, it is in our hands, but it is not always as simple as that.

[Esteban Morfín]

THIS . IS . DEEP
Loved everything about it! You sure were inspired with this one!

[Esteban Morfín]

So many people renouncing their dreams for so many reasons and living a life they don't want until they go back to the ground.

[Moonie]

Thank you so much for the review! ♡

[Paul Bell]

A silver spoon, a miners spade. One will live to a ripe old age.
Dreams are for the living, a holiday in the sun, just a holiday.
This poem of yours though bleak maybe lets in a shard of sunlight for the discerning reader.
Like your dark stuff.

[Einstein Noodle]

"Moments frozen,
like the smiles of stillborns," brilliant says i! .. and i love this word "threnody" ..i know that word because i used it in a very old poem of mine ... i got a lot of words such as that from reading Dean Koontz books ;)
this poem is so bleak and dark .. reading i try to break the surface but just keep drowning .. my basically eternal optimistic personality is screaming :)))))) one of my favorite pics as well Moon Girl! i think this one might strengthen with some surgical shortening ... some fine tuned shaping as it were ... it is powerfully emotive .. full of angst and the frustrations born of human choices, misconceptions and disappointments also "Scream" at me ;) strong voice ... great title that sets my mind thinking deeper just reading it ..super appropriate pic ...can use some editing (in my opinion) very emotive ... rather shocking closing says i ...we are raised with the moors and expectations of those around us .. truly shaped by them in those formative years ... but we also start rebelling as we approach the self hood years .. and can .. and do .. shape the rest of our lives ... your work has got me going this morning ... thinking on deeper levels and doing my own self check .... you are the Fairest my dear! :)))))))))))
E.

[Moonie]

Methinks you're very right about it needing editing. I don't get time to write nowadays so i just type out the poems in my phone. I think i need to sit down and write it down to edit it the old fashioned style.
Also thank you for your review, E. I always look forward to them, and you should know I'm a great fan of yours. ♡♡
Sending love from my side! Stay safe! :))

[Einstein Noodle]

aw luv you too Moon Girl :) there is inspiration to be in writing .. and genius to be found in editing ..so i have read ;)

[Moonie]

Do you have any suggestions for the editing btw

[Einstein Noodle]

well ... for instant .. try it leaving out Ls 11 & 12 in V1 ... and V2 simply omit "of the funeral home.." ... see how that reads for you and if it still hits your point ... as you edit on down look for redundancy .. as a reader i get the image of the funeral home with other imaging you use .. as you know, i am sure, as you re-write and edit .. you will be inspired with sharper clarity in what you want to present ... its 5 AM here .. i've been up since 3 ... almost time for breakfast .. top o' the mahrnin' to ya lass!

[Pete]

an intricate, troubling journey you take us on as faith and fate is pondered. wonderfully written, so deeply descriptive and philosophically laced. thought-provoking to say the least ... :)

In our dreams, we tasted the word of God,
and spat it back out.
We thought there was more to creation,
fictional faces swimming upstream
to meet us in our lives, and
remedy them for us.

am reminded of a quote from my muse -
"On the death of a friend, we should consider that the fates through confidence have devolved on us the task of a double living, that we have henceforth to fulfill the promise of our friend's life also, in our own, to the world." - Thoreau

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Fairest... We are our 'Spirit' that surely must live on...
I 'feel' this to be true. Although it would be lovely to be laid to
rest in Satin... I expect my Spirit will be my 'saving grace'.
Guess I am a Dreamer and Reality is the Poet's pen.
May the Tapestry of your Life reflect the flowers etched in Gold.
gently, Pat

[Moonie]

That's very poetic, Pat! Thank you for the cheering review even on such a dark poem. Love from my side to you! ♡♡♡

[emipoemi]

You have a hypnotic charm that flows through your work like a mulberry wine (not like I know what that means anyhow) - a dark, foreboding nature with a hint of peace. Like the moon herself. Your moniker serves you well, for your work is fair indeed. There were some moments, if I may point out, where there was an unnecessary comma or a word too many to sustain the dulcet musicality (or not enough to be properly understood - sometimes I think you've used the wrong word) but there was some holy kwap juice in every stanza (the imagery about the sillborns and lacklustre lives; the dreams, the drenched books, and those final lines)!!!! I had to catch my breath after it all. WOW!! Well freaking done!!

[Moonie]

Hey, thanks for the great review! I would love to know about your suggestions for improvement!

[emipoemi]

- The "stillborn, still unaware" progression is great in sound, but "stillborns" are babies who are dead on arrival and so staying in the present tense and the use of "still" doesn't really work. You could still use "still" in a way, but the tense can't really be present.

-" to weave us around our heads" (I'm not sure what this is intended to mean. Great image, awkward piece of the puzzle)

- "remedy them for us" (Again, great image, but here it's more the musicality that needs reshaping, as the most powerful word in the phrase is "remedy". If you can end the line with that word, it would add power. You don't necessarily need "for us", as that's already hinted at in the stanza).

- "the horsemen of *the Apocalypse" (the "the" is part of the phrase, but that's from what I learned)

-" just *as our vision decreases" (not "how")

- no comma after "medications".

everything else is comprehensive and spectacular, and that finale.... - delectable!!

[Moonie]

Hey thank you for so many great suggestions. I toom most of them, and yes it makes the poem seem a lot better. Methinks the poem still needs editing. Basically i wrote it on my phone, never copied it down. I have discovered it is important to write the poem down to get all the flaws. If you have any more suggestions, you can message me since i loved all your improvements.

[emipoemi]

Always a pleasure to help. My only advice is "Don't think; feel"; the poem knows far more what it wants to do than the poet can ever imagine, because of its ethereal nature. No mortal can control the divine, we as poets can only allow it to flow, and good poetry is such that knows where the beats land and how the flow runs. Your use of language is mystical, I'll grant you that, but poetry is not all about the language, nor is it all about the form - it's not one aspect....it's all those aspects combined, cooperating with each other to craft the mosaic that will ultimately elicit a powerful catharsis from the readers.

And that can only be achieved through feeling. Not thought, but feeling. If you ever want to talk further about this, I'm always available.

[barleygirl]

This is a mind-blowing journey from everyday bleakness to a deep-bleak thrombosis at the end! Everything you mention, all the acerbic details, pile on to give an impression of smoldering but smothering rage at the deceit perceived from organized religion. Weird thing, I've just read 3 very powerful poems in a row slamming organized religion gently & deservedly, but yours really slams it hard (which I love becuz I agree even tho I don't feel THIS bitter about it!) You insert the parenthical "mom" verses so cleverly! One one hand, I get the feeling this narrator is down on religion becuz he/she is at mom's funeral & everything naturally looks more bleak at a funeral . . . but on the other hand, I also see this as BLAMING the mom, juxtaposing the mom verses & the other bleak outpouring, it's unsaid, but implied, that mom led the narrator down this futile deceptive path. The last verse is killer crisp with details & all the ways we humans cope with our perceived misery, almost as if to say, yeah, religion sucks, but is our way of coping really giving us the right to slam religion? (given our addictions & abuses?) There's so much more that could be said about this poem! Very engaging! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Moonie]

Wow! I'm blown away by the depth and the wisdom of this review. I'm glad i could convey all that stuff. I think it's a bit of both. The world seems bleak during funerals, and the narrator perhaps blames his mom too.
I basically got the last stanza from a personal experience. I had been working non stop during my med school last year, and had cut off most of the people from my life. There was this day last August, when I was dying to go home early, and I don't know how but the class was let off earlier than usual that day. I went home all happy because i had the day off, but just as I was showering, i realised that i had nothing to do that day. I had noone to be with, and no where to go. And believe you me, I just watched a ton of episodes on my laptop (House md season 6 I think) and slept off at 8 after having butter noodles😂
One of the saddest days of my short life. It made me realise i had to make more time for the people in my life, or it would all go downhill from there. I don't blame my job for it, I rather blame my own selfish nature. That day was like a wake up call that i needed. I began writing more, and opening up to other people after that day.

[Moonie]

Once again thanks for the amazing review; I'm not nearly as bitter in person though. ;)

[barleygirl]

Your response is a brilliant share. Thanks for sharing the genesis of your poem . . . always great to know, but in this case, compelling. I try not to assume the message in a poem is a reflection of the writer's state of mind, but I know some people do!