Spoon Supremacy

Let me tell you this, a mighty and sublime tale of the past, one of great importance, between two utensils. The spoon and the fork. While today they are friends, before, they were fierce enemies.

It was the dawn of the first day the great Spoonler would lead the spoon people. Many were excited for he was a charismatic and courageous person, and he was supposedly destined to bring back greatness to Spoonland since the last battle when the forks humiliated them badly. They would not let them win this time. 

“We will invade their lands,” he said to his people. “We will rise and show them that we are the ones in power! I will fix this mess of a nation!”

Every spoon cheered, for they knew Spoonler would be a great leader and would erase all the embarrassments of Spoonland in the past. First, the leader said he wanted to unite them all. All around Spoonland, there were fork-controlled territories with many native spoons that he wanted to bring home. But how would he conquer the territories without angering the forks? It did not matter, anyway. He would launch his attack soon, and he already saw how scared the forks were. For a while now, the forks quietly watched from afar as his power and authority only ever increased. They feared him, and he knew it. 

So one day, he sent his spoon army to take over the fork territories. With little resistance, he soon had them in control. But there was still a big nation that he wanted, to the east of Spoonland, and he wanted it badly.

“What should we do?” a fork representative said, during their council meeting. “The spoons are getting powerful. Should we not fight back?”

“Curse those soup-holders,” the leader, Forkston, said. “We steak-stabbers will always show them who’s boss. Rally up the fork army and tell that ice-scream-scooper of a leader to back down or else we’ll attack them.”

Spoonler got the message, but he did not care. One day, he sent his spoon armies and took over the nation in the east. This angered the forks greatly, and they declared war. And so over the next few days, the utensils had a massive battle on who would reign supreme in Kitchenland. For a while, it seemed as if Spoonland was winning. Spoonland even gained some spoon allies in the far east; the teaspoons. Together, they fought back the forks. 

The forks lost so many troops that they needed support. Fortunately, there was another neutral side that helped them. It was the human. The human was seemingly neutral in the war. She aided neither the spoons nor forks. She was powerful, too. Probably more powerful than the spoon or fork armies. And, though she was neutral, during the war she aided the forks with supplies.

“Hmm, why are my forks getting all bent all of a sudden?” she said. “I have to buy new ones, then.”

So the forks had an ally on their side in the war, too. Even if she was not actually aiding them in battle because she did not want to join in on the war, she gave them supplies. The forks gained more troops and the war seemed to be even.

Over time, as Spoonler increased in power and control, the people soon saw his true side and found that he was not a good leader at all. One day, he made a speech for everyone to hear. 

“I have decided that spoons are the most superior utensils in Kitchenland,” he said. “Spoons are the most perfect. All the rest are aesthetically inferior. But what I believe to be the most inferior are those dumb knives. Just look at them! They’re ugly and they believe in cutting. That’s all they do. They don’t feed a human mouth with soup or meat but they only cut. From now on, I want every knife in all of our territories to be sent to workplaces to labour for us, to the point when they will die of exhaustion or terminated if they show any form of resistance.”

This was when the spoons began to doubt him. “But, sir,” one said, “that isn’t right. How come they have to labour and not any other utensil?”

“Shut up!” Spoonler said. “You will follow my instructions, everyone. If you help these knives or agree with their beliefs, you will also be sent to the workplaces.”

And so the armies of Spoonland obeyed and began to hunt for all the knives. It was a terrible, desperate time. The knives were forced to run, hide, or fight back. But they always lost and were caught, then sent to the workplaces.

Some spoons were empathetic and helped the knives. Some also hated their leader, but he was in control now and was practically unstoppable. This went on for a long, long time. It was a sad era for the knife race, who felt as if all hope was lost. Many died at the workplaces, and the spoons that ran them were terribly aggressive. 

Spoonler’s hatred for anyone that was a knife grew so much that he began ordering mass executions. He made his troops set up rooms filled with so much oxygen gas that, even if the knives were made of stainless steel, they rusted. Full families of knives were killed because of this. In fact, all over Kitchenland, dozens and dozens of knives died from Spoonler’s atrocities. His so-called, “oxygen chambers.”

Then one day, the human saw how many forks and knives she had lost, and said, “Wow, I have too many spoons now. I don’t even have soup that much.” And so this was her declaration of war on Spoonland and Teaspoonland. Her attacks were huge as she took some teaspoons and gave them away to some relatives. The teaspoons fought back hard, but the human had a powerful weapon. It was her hand, for when it reached in the drawer and grabbed a bunch of teaspoons she did not need, many teaspoon lives were lost, as if it was a giant bomb that had dropped on their land. The powerful weapon claimed many of their lives. Later, in the future, the human would apologize for that atrocity on the teaspoon people, but at the time it seemed like a victory. 

Years had passed since the war had first begun, and everyone was getting weary. For a while now it seemed that Spoonler was winning. More and more knives were being executed, he was gaining resources and power as he held control over his territories, and his plan for Kitchenland domination was almost complete… except for one nation. Forktain was a land of brave people. Over the course of the war, they watched as allies all around them fell, and soon they were one of the last nations against the spoons. And while Spoonland desperately tried to conquer Forktain, they held strong. This was the nation that the fork leader, Forkston, was the leader of. He had repelled Spoonland’s attacks for a while now, and his people were becoming desperate and worrisome. So one day, he decided to make a speech to give everyone hope and courage to finally win the war; a speech about all the different places they would fight. This message was practically heard around the entire world for all forks, and it did as expected. The forks united in a final attempt to end Spoonler’s reign.

Over time, as the forks had victory after victory, they closed in on Spoonland and the spoons. Soon the spoons were outnumbered and helpless. The teaspoons had surrendered long ago; the spoons of the south had their leader overthrown by its own people. Now, Spoonler was powerless. Spoon morale was at an all-time low, and he had to accept defeat. One day he was believed to be the destined ruler and saviour of Spoonland, the next he was forced to lose against the forks, once again. It was so humiliating, and it would also be if he would be as if so cowardly to let them take him! So, as the fork armies closed in on him on the dining table, he jumped off it so they would not get the chance to push him off themselves. 

Finally, the war was over. All over Kitchenland, the forks celebrated. The biggest battle in Kitchenland history was over! No more massacres of the forks; no more persecution of the knives. Other minority groups were hunted by Spoonler as well, for many sporks, knorks, and spives suffered a terrible fate. But for now, world peace.

Today, all of the atrocities and battles are viewed, “in the past,” and ties between the former enemy nations of spoons and forks are positive. Many things have been forgiven, and, especially for Spoonland, there was once a time when spoons were generally considered evil, but not anymore. And for the nation itself, it has prospered well. But the history of the past two colossal battles of Spoonland against the world would never be forgotten; should never be forgotten. The newer generations of spoons and forks today learn about Spoonler and Spoonland in the old days, so that such a big fight between the whole of Kitchenland will never happen again.

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