Lost on a One Way Street

The easiest thing in the world is to talk about other people, but its rocket science trying to find words that describe ourselves. If someone were to ask me what I thought of myself, I would have one word: nothing. I am nothing. Just a blob, space taker-upper. The ironic part is that's not who I was. Who I was? Who was that I wonder? I was "vibrant", "outgoing", "a gust of fresh air", to me its hard to believe these were things once said about me. Reflecting on the past, life was so carefree. I mean all I had to worry about was school and friends. That's it, school and friends is what my past consisted of. But now things are different, there is no more school and friends who were once inseparable are now strangers to one another.

I got lost on a one way street, Living St. Getting lost on a one way street, only a fool could get lost. Does this make me a fool, am I lost because my brain has become obsolete? I wonder if I listened to everyone else would things be different? If I had done things differently would I not be here typing? These are things that I need to know. Did I lose myself because I have become directionally inept, not following the road signs. Either way whats happened has happened, and its always going to be like that. "Accepting is the first step to recovery."

Life is so different now that I am on my own. Its like I became lucid while dreaming, everything feels so surreal it scares me. Suddenly, having no care in the world turned into a big whirlwind of combustible emotion. Its unfair. How can life give me someone who loves and needs me as much as I love and need him, but how can I be like this. Its not fair, not fair to him.. what scares me even more is one day he's going to see how much of wreck I am and not be ready to handle it. He could become so overwhelmed with my insecurities and loss of confidence, what if he throws in the towel. These things scare the living s**t out of me. He says that its not true, and that he won't leave me. He tells me he loves me everyday, but I feel so numb that I can't even feel it.

When he and I began our lives together it was one of the happiest days in my life, shouldn't I still be happy? I let myself go. I let myself go to a place that is uninhabitable because nothing grows in this place. There is no light, no laughter, there is emptiness. I see that now and with the help of my partner and his love I will overcome this. I will persevere through whatever is breaking me down, and rise from my ashes. I will be happy again. 

I used to think that everything was out of our control as humans, that there was something bigger making all the decisions for us. As I have gotten older and broken out of my childish ways I know now that I have control. I have control over what I say, what I do and how I choose to live. Granted there is a higher power who in the end will release me from the bounds of mortality. I know that I am not perfect even though I want to be, I know that I will get disappointed even though I try my hardest, I know now, that walking in circles will never get me to my destination.

I have one favor to ask...
Compass, don't fail me now.

Reviews

[Homulculus]

Great!

[NITHIN PURPLE]

This is a awesome writing i enjoyed!!