Fire

This is actually a song, but oh well. I have no

Fire, fire, rolling fire,
Sweeping `cross the sand.
The molten glass left in it`s wake
Reflects it`s maker...

Fire, fire, rolling fire,
Racing through the forest.
The hissing ash left in it`s wake
Calls to it`s maker...

Author's Note

Sorry this poem is short, it`s actually a tiny song I composed. I`m sorry it`s short.

Reviews

[Ron]

Brevity is often best and certainly most read on Writers Cafe. Very glad to see writing abiut things other than boring personal relationships, lost love and such twaddle. This vampire is full of promise some punctuation errors. Suspect a young writer but this one has imagination and talent. I would take more time on this. Tweak it and edit it just a little. A song yes! It is also poetry of promise. Do more it will do you good.

[Cherrie Palmer]

not all poems need to be long, poems are a living entity, they will let you know when to stop. I loved it :)

[GTVile]

Its okay, the short length keeps it to the point. Its very pretty and invokes surreal imagery while staying grounded in a blunt yet still smooth delivery.

[scatterbrain]

and, by the way:
if you want to post a song, then post a song. a song is special because unlike a poem, a song has a specific voice.
i believe this is a poem, not a song. a 2 minute song (being generous to the instrumental sections)?

[scatterbrain]

yikes.

insects and birds jerk in its way...
where did i get that from?
lol... lost my mind in the middle of that critique. that line doesn't fit at all. but, as i said, you get the idea? :P

[scatterbrain]

i love it. i've been going through your stuff and this is what caught me... i'm afraid i've read through merlin and that's...
well, let's not talk about merlin :(

the next poem was okay, and certainly has potential. "power in the pen"? or something. that sounded pretty good, and I can give a critique of that, too. and that next poem. didn't catch my eye, though it's a nice idea to write about.

this poem/song, though. there's much more, I think. perhaps nothing more than 2 more stanzas, but... that first stanza is nearly flawless.
the last two lines:
change "it's" to "its". read that un-contracted.
"The hissing ash left in it is wake
call to it is maker..."

see?

and this is how i'd re-write the second stanza:
Fire, inferno, rolling forests,
blazing green to ash.
Insects and birds jerk in its wake,
and all of Earth calls to its maker...

eh? just a suggestion, and there is no reason why you can't take (or refuse) that suggestion :) i'm only trying to see this poem become something more, and it has such wonderful potential. you have to realize that though you've written these two stanzas as the beginning, i see no problem in splitting them and writing some sort of complimenting stanza. such as:

fire, fire -
- its maker...

The earth spews anger, love, sickness,
(line 2)
(line 3, and you get the idea).

just suggestions :) hope i've helped!

[India Brooks]

I love this! The simplicity of it yet it's complexity of what it could mean. I absolutely love it :) Good work!

[An owl on the moon]

No need at all to be sorry for the length.. this is a very deeply moving song.. flowing across the fire.. Such a vivid expression of the world.. as if formed in glass and light.. Amazing write!

[Kelley]

I like short poems and this one was pretty good.
Thanks for sharing.

Kelley

[Arya_the_elven_lady]

It`s a song, but thanks.