I Am The Beast?

Something I wrote during a bit of writers block, so take what you will from it.

I have known despair,

I knew her well,

Deep in her embrace

Heaven was a hell,

I escaped her clutch

a bit too late,

following along

I seal my own fate,

her tortures still remain

Vivid in my mind,

Unable to flee

I drown away the crimes,

I became a monster

There beside a beast,

She encouraged every act

that's now haunting me,

Debauchery, rape, murder,

All the things she loved,

My hands committed these,

What am I possessed of?

Or, it's my fault?

She's my scapegoat?

I guided her hand

to every fragile throat,

I am actually the monster,

the cruelest of monsters,

far less than a man,

another human masquerader.

Reviews

[Against All Authority]

Not an autobiographical poem, but I thoroughly enjoyed your analysis of it; You are adeptly insightful.

Thank you for you comment. : )

[Mr. Hamilton]

it also doesn't sound like you "escaped her clutch" a bit too late. It sounds like she was trying to help you and when she realized the horrors trying to be forced upon her from every unimaginable direction, she escaped first, and it sounds like you may have underestimated her intelligence,and now you're angry because she outsmarted you because she did not want to stick around being victimized any longer, all for the selfishness of two others, I'm most positive. Good for her! I see a lot of angst in this poem. You can call me "the analyzer". I hope you find the light sometime in your life. Sounds like you had it, but it is gone. You might reconsider your surroundings. That is first and foremost.
(I'm also a psychoanalyst. I have helpoed solve many criminal cases)

[Mr. Hamilton]

If she left you, as it would appear, you may have to do something about yourself being a monster before it's too late. Also, people show themselves in patterns of behavior. Maybe she only experienced this darkness with you, and fled when she saw the nightmare.
And, surely if the sad debaucle you seem to have made with your life continues, it will only prove all along you were the monster.
I hope everything works out for you. She can return to the light you say she is. I think the hell part, though, came from you. It sounds psychologically from this poem that your angst toward her is because she did not condone the things you admit you created. At least you "manned" up, buddy. Good for you. Now you need to find some hope for yourself. And it's never going to be found in the dark.