The night before CHRIS MASS DESTRUCTION

Oh dear... another old work about being ridiculous with friends. This time it's christmassy. Enjoy

T'were the dawn before xmas, and all through the town;

Not a damn soul would know what was about to go down...

For jolly Saint nick had fallen from the sky;

And whom he would meet, was the worst possible guy...



" Ho ho hooooomy god!! we're going to crash! " cried a very jolly Saint nick, " On dasher On the other ones i can't remember! ho ho hoooold oonn! whoooaaaa". Santa spiraled down from the night, and panicked with a very disturbingly jolly fright. He swerved and careened and barrel-rolled out of sight. His reindeer dispersed, it was all for themselves, and don't get me started with those bastardly elves. Pere noel tried his darn best, but still he fell. His sleigh burst into a million splinters, he spun and fell on his knees, this was surely the worst of all winters. For jolly saint nick was in a pickle, not even the merriest gift his fancy could tickle. He crawled on all fours, til he reached the garage doors. he raised his hand for the switch, until a bright light came on in the house; and santa's last thoughts were " son of a b***h!... "

" What the eff? " He murmured as he looked down at the fat red robed man. Their gazes met and Santa formulated a plan.
" Kind sir, would you please lend santa a hand? " puffed and wheezed Chris kringle.
" And what the eff are you? The spirit of all jingle? Get off my lawn you smelly old hobo!". This made santa very angry, and with his last breathe he cried " HOOO HOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!! ".

There was a flash of red and white so pure and bright, it blinded the young man as he recoiled in fright. Santa grabbed the youths arms and his suit began to explode! It was a total Santa overload! Slowly as Santa's face contorted, he bellowed and snorted,
" This will make you have holiday Cheer! But in order to do so, I'll have to smash into you harder than the hardest of beer! "
The youth panicked and cried and tried to fight of the deranged Santa claus, Oh dear god he thought, this is worse than the wizard of oz....

As the light faded and the snow returned to a slow fall, A twisted cackle began to echo, to be heard by all......



That very next day, all around the world, it was christmas and children shouted " hurray! ". They gathered around trees and laughed with their families. But in one small court, just off the coast of Frenchman's bay, Trouble was brewing, on a most foully cold day.

" shall we goto chris' place?" asked will.
" Yes! let's, and at a very quick pace!" Replied Nick. The two friends skipped and sang, arm in arm, as they ran down the street, both listening to a hard metal beat. The sky was grey and the snow fell so soft, as they headed to Chris' house and his wonderful loft. They neared Elvira court, 821 to be exact, and they jumped up in joy, his house we have skillfully tracked!

THey got to the door but to their surprise, in the snow lay the shape of a familiar size. Santa's hat was wet and damp, but nick and will didnt care, for they both had a bad cramp. THey knocked of the door to be expect their friend, but this time appeared the mighty Ajmal Noor!
" Hai AJ! " they said, brimming with excitement, as aj responded with verbal excrement.
" Hey's been playing to much WoW " Nick deduced, " For now his english is rubbish by now. "
Aj executed a a critical kidney shot and flew back into the house, where kathy was baking cookies in a holiday blouse. Nick and will the awesome duo they were, tried to gain the favour of her. But she saw through their cheap trick, and exclaimed,
" these cookies arent for you Good william and nick! ". They both pouted and at the same time shouted
" But we love cookies! For nothing love we more than cookies! ".
But somewhere upstairs Could be heard maniacal laughter,
" But don't worry you two, there will be cookies after!!!! ".
Everybody jumped out of the skins as the evil one flowed down the stairs, the corrector of sins.
" How dare you two rhyme cookies with cookies, You two are such awful Rookies!!! And for your crimes, and your lack of holiday cheer, I will beat you to the ground several times, even pull on your ear! "

Before them was the derranged form of their former friend Chris, who was infused with santa and gave off a hiss. He leapt to the ground and tore them asunder, as the house flew apart to reveal lightning and thunder! The god of xmas cheer had been born, and with him came the holiday scorn.

But as saint chris was about to unleash lots of gore, there came a faint rapping on the old wooden door. All the heads turned to see who it could be, to make their guess, and as the door opened, it was lovable Jess!

" What the hell have i missed? " she asked, sounding quite pissed.
" Chris stop being a rampaging demon Claus, and why can I demand this, well surely because... " She stepped forward meeting the demon face to face, " if you're being a jerk, you can't come over to my place! ". And with that she gave him a mighty thwack, and he jerked and fell with a smack. The mighty Demon Claus spewed from his body, and bellowed " you've all been quite naughty!!!! ". The demon claus raged and lashed out, but suddenly nick began to pout.
" you poser you cheat you fat old fraud, You are not the all mighty one, the holiday God. For I AM the real saint nick, and I've come to put you in your place, you ungodly prick. " And with that said, nick unleashed a powerful smash with his head. The demon claus warped and twisted, as Chris and Jess snuck off under the mistle toe and kissded.

And they got to together in an orderly fashion, and began to sing with a heartfelt passion.
" Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight! For we have slain the demon claus, the master of fright! "

Author's Note

More obvious spelling and grammar mistakes. done of purpose of course. I have a nack for stupid writing