None are so blind...

A #WriteFridays challenge to describe a setting using all senses except sight. A tough one for me as I am visually oriented.

... as those who cannot see.


The weight of the heavy fireproof pants and overcoat pulls down on me, awkward, stiff, so difficult to move. I feel the air pack on my back. I must remember I need to be very careful going through hatches and small openings; the tank makes me larger, clumsy and slightly off balance.

Everything in front of me is black; the glass of the mask is completely opaque, no light can penetrate. The air I breathe from the tank is metallic, and at the same time rubber and plastic. I hear my breathing inside the mask, rapid, shallow; I realize I am on the edge of panic and force myself to slow my breathing rate. "Just be calm. You have done this before. You can do it." I tell myself.

 Repressing the acid reflux, my stomach churns. A bitter bile burns from my esophagus all the way to the back of my tongue. In the corners of my mouth, an acidic sensation like biting on a lemon. I want to vomit. I just want out of this place; I want to turn around and go back. I do not care if I fail at this task. 

The instructor commands me "Come on, get going, we don't have all day." I grasp the ladder, and descend from the deck, down one level. I fumble with my boots for each rung on the way down until I feel the deck under my feet. 

I feel along the wall until I locate the fire extinguisher and lift it off of its bracket. I check the safety pin and confirm the seal is installed, but leave it in for the moment as I do not mean to accidentally discharge the CO2 I will need at the end of this. I feel further along the wall until I locate the hatch. It is closed tight. I turn the four locking dogs, and swing the heavy door open.

Lifting one heavy boot over the lip of the open water tight door, with one hand, I grip the door frame and step into the chamber. Reaching out with my hand, I can feel the wall through the thick gloves. In my other hand is the fire extinguisher. I step with one foot forward. The splash of water as I set it back down reminds me there is water all the way to the fire and exit. Slowly I take another short step, my gloved hand touching the wall all the way. 

I listen to the crackle of flames, muffled by the helmet liner that comes down over my ears and throat. The heat of the fire ahead of me penetrates heavy protective gear. In spite of breathing canned air, the odor of smoke and fire penetrates, irritating my nostrils, rasping at my throat. I need to knock that fire down long enough to escape this place.

I move towards the flames carefully, one foot ahead of the other, feeling for the beams I know are on the floor, I do not want to stumble and fall in here. I try to remember how many steps it is from the door I entered to the exit when I did this drill with a clear mask on. Was it twenty? Twenty two? I must be getting close as it is warmer, and the flames are louder. I feel an opening on my left, I have reached the doorway, I want to just go through it and get outside, but the fire needs to be put out first.

I know the flames are just the other side of the opening, about eight feet in front of me. I lift the extinguisher up in front of my chest. I recall the word PASS. An acronym for firefighting. Pull. Aim. Squeeze. Sweep. I pull the safety pin and out. Lifting the nozzle up from the side, I lock it in position. 

"Aim at the base of the fire." I remind myself, as I squeeze the trigger and sweep it back and forth. The loud whoosh it makes is comforting as the noise of the fire lessens. My team mates yell, "You did it! Come on, get out!"

Turning to my left, I grab the door frame, and step over the door sill. Hands take my arms and guide me down the four steps to the ground. I tear off my helmet and mask and breathe the fresh air in deeply. Sweat pours down my back, and I can feel my hands are shaking. It is done. I passed the course.

Author's Note

Exercise 12: Description and setting are hard – how does a writer choose what is important to the reader? How does s/he deftly direct the audience’s attention around the frame of their narrative? There are a few ways to accomplish this; here is one helpful exercise. Draft a short excerpt for a new work, or from a work in progress. Include description of your character’s setting using all of his/her senses — except sight. What does the air smell like? What does the rug feel like under bare feet? Are there birds singing? Fire sirens? What is your character’s physiological response? Get under the first layer of what things look like, and invite us in to a deeper description.

Reviews

[Dante Carlisle]

Very well done, and you stuck along with the exercise well. I like that you added the lack of sight into the story, making it so the character genuinely couldn't see, which took out even the idea that you could put in visual stimuli. As always, I enjoy your reading, and I'm glad I took the time to come look at this.

One of the few issues I had was the word choice here:
I tear off my helmet and mask and breathe the fresh air in deeply.

I feel that the sentence could be done better, and really paint us a picture of how much the character treasured that first breath of fresh air. Thanks for the writing!

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

Thank you for the beautiful example of description as it should be in work. Well-done, it was succinct enough to hold my interest and the word choice was impeccable enough to captivate me.


This offers a lot of insight into the life of a firefighting recruit- enough to convince me that either you were one or thoroughly did your research.

A purely mechanical thing- "I check the safety pin and seal is installed" I feel like there's a missing word somewhere in there.

[NoelHC]

Thank you for the kind review Speedy. I had to certify for marine emergency duties to work offshore the east coast of Canada, in the north Atlantic years ago. A one week fire fighting school was part of that training. This story came from that time.
Good point on the missing word, I think I meant to say "confirm" or "ensure" the seal is installed. Fixed now.

[A. H. Pinley]

Thank you for taking us readers through that ordeal. Fire fighters, like the police officer are under appreciated.

[NoelHC]

Thank you for checking this out.

[H.D. Murphy]

Wonderfully written and beautifully described! Thank you for a great read, can't wait to read more of your work.

[NoelHC]

Thank you for your visit and for your kind words.

[Chrissy]

Very well written! The flow is good and you did a good job of using the other senses to cover for sight.

[NoelHC]

Thank you for the kind words. I appreciate your visit.

[613]

This was written extremely well. You truthfully told a story.

- Brittney

P.S. If you wouldn't mind, I would love it if you could please review my work. I'm trying to get one step closer to publishing; but can't do that without your help!

[NoelHC]

Thank you, I appreciate your review. I will take a look at yours, but don't have the spare time to review a book, unfortunately.

[613]

You're welcome. & that's fine. Thanks for the honesty!

[Jennie Baron]

Rank fear is right. Claustrophobia enveloped me at just reading this, I think because I have that tendency to begin with. Fantastic description; well done indeed!

[NoelHC]

Thank you Jennie.y friend comes up with some interesting challenges, I am waiting impatiently for today's #WriteFridays prompt.

[Marie]

You did a very good job with this. Though you did not use sight to describe anything, yet I saw it all from the other senses you used.

It also taught me things about fie fighting i didn't know.

[NoelHC]

I am pleased I was able to paint a picture for you without using vision. I actually did this, years ago, rank fear has a way of making one concentrate and I still recall this intense time. Thanks for dropping by.

[Lyn Anderson]

I like it. Very vivid and intense. I might remove a few commas, which create unnecessary pauses when there is no restrictive clause present. I might also remove the have in the last sentence. It takes away from the present feel.

[NoelHC]

Thanks for dropping in, and for your advice. I agree on deleting "have" and will look over where extraneous commas are, I like to spray them about randomly for some reason.