Greed

one of the seven deadly sins....

The wealth will be mine.
I will steal if I have to.
All will respect me.

Author's Note

yea kind of fails but a haiku on greed...

Reviews

[vukcic]

Is this a series? I'm curious to read the other six.

Haiku is a difficult format, and the ones that stand the test of time are the ones that don't actually talk about their meaning. For this, I think maybe you should write about something that can be considered an analogy for wealth and the drive to attain it. Something that is found within nature, because the best haiku are on the surface about the natural world, but convey meanings beyond that. Also, most haiku are in 5-7-5 syllable format, though, as with all poetry, a skilled writer is allowed to break the rules a bit. And since haiku is a Japanese form, the syllable count doesn't always translate smoothly into English.

Naming the haiku "Greed" will be clue enough to its meaning.

I just realized that I'm basically telling you to rewrite the entire thing, and for that I apologize.

[zainul]

Very good attempt.
Perhaps stimulated by sense of guilt.
I appreciate your point of view.
I got your piece while trying to search my piece with the same name.
Best wishes.

[Marie Harrison]

Well that sums it up. Great job!

[FlawedByDesign]

If there is one deadly sin we cannot live without, that has to be greed. As simple as it is, the haiku gets the point across well enough, but it's not your traditional haiku having 5-8-5.
Well done.

[M. Freeman]

I love the last line. The first two are a bit rough, and could use reworking, mainly because I think they're just a bit obvious. Again, too, the title. I think, "greed" and I think "ambition." The two are sort of connected.

Anyway, that's just me. You have a knack for writing lines that carry real weight and power. My only suggestion would be to counterbalance it with some emotional subtlety. All in all, though, not bad.

[Ice QueenJen]

not bad, and direct to the point.
good try too.... I would like to read the others if there are any too.

[Lydia Blackwell]

I still don't get haiku's, I never could, but nice try.

[TAO]

fails? seriously? I'll tell you what, not the greatest haiku I've seen, but I do like it for the simple fact that it gets the point across. For some reason, it insipres thought on the anti-christ... I'm not so sure what that it is, but it is what it is.

[Kasey Jones]

Good poem. To make the second line 7 syllables, try saying 'I will steal if I have to.' The 'it' is unnecessary.

[An owl on the moon]

What a powerful image through your Haiku! There is such an attitude that wealth bring respect and power.. and that nothing will get in your way. Excellent work, and so thought provoking!

[Ian]

Nice!
Although I always have problems reviewing short pieces... I like it ^^'