I Think I Finally Lost My Mind

Basically a long line of what the f**k moments that have brought me to this point.

Pacing back and forth from room to room, looking at my phone every minute wondering if its you calling.

The disappointing feeling I get knowing that I never get to hear that adorable accent of yours

Crying myself to sleep every night for 3 whole weeks because I'm so used to hearing you play video games while on the phone with me

I don't eat anymore, I hardly sleep, I drink more than I normally do

All I can think are thoughts of pain and anguish knowing that you're not here

You invade my dreams like its nothing at all, and I'm left hollow and alone because of the void you just left inside me

If you only knew the level of control you have over me from so far away

The fact that my heart doesn't even beat the way it used to

I'm angrier and more prone to random fits of violence, drunk or sober

I have more of a lust for my blades than I do of anything else....even sex...and that doesn't happen no matter how depressed I am

How the f**k did I allow myself to get this far?

Why did I let you unintentionally rule me?

If you only knew the depths of my emotions

I'm fragile enough as it is, willing to give up my life here if it meant being closer to you and making you happy because I know you need me. 

I'm one of the only people who knows what to say and how to say it to get you away from the edge

What it all boils down to is that you've completely mind fucked me and you don't even f*****g care that you did

You said you want me to have the best in life not knowing that I already had it just being a part of you. 

That was my happiness, that was my truth, that was my love

Just to be with you.

And now? I'm a shell of my former self.

Smaller than what I once was

My mind is racing, can't enjoy anything even if I tried

I'm cut off from anyone and everything around me

I stay inside with the doors and windows locked just so no one knows I'm there.

The end result of your far torture?

I've lost my f*****g mind. *jumps*

Author's Note

There are most likely a lot of grammatical errors here...bear with me, I was typing too fast and pretty much losing it at the same time.