April 13th: Cannonball

Break Down

 

I was scared to death I was losing my mind

I couldn’t close my eyes I was pacing all night

 

I think I found the light at the end of the tunnel

 

but I wont hide inside I’ve got to get out

I've got to get out

Lonely inside and light the fuse

L  i   g  h  t  e  r         now

Well here we are.

April 13th.

It's been 3 years since she passed away.

I am learning that grief is a very strange thing.

I’m not exactly sure what to do anymore.

Or how to react.

Sure I am distraught, but it’s not as bad as it used to be.

It's very weird to me.

Am I selfish that I just don't really feel anything anymore?

I just miss her. It’s as simple as that.

It was sudden and very traumatic for certain.  

Yet, I am at the point where I’m ready to let go.

Would it be bad if I did?

Walking out of grief is an incredible thing.

And now I will start living today

Today I close the door

I’ve got this new beginning and I will fly

I’ll fly like a cannonball.

It may have taken 3 years, but I've realized I'm ready.

I'm ready to accept that she is gone.

This acceptance has given me wings and a sense of freedom.

Freedom.

I let go of fear and the peace came quickly

I was in the dark and then it hit me;

I chose suffering and pain and the falling rain.

I know.

I know I’ve got to get out into the world again.

 

Why is it still so hard to let go of grief?

Why do some of us like wallowing in our darkness?

I'll never understand.

but what I do understand is there is only one thing left I can do:

Close the door.

Open a new one.

Keep walking.

Life is a lesson.

I think she'd be proud of me. I will live for her.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-KhJmh074A