An Open Letter To Sufjan

A Story by Kathryn Smith

I want to save you from your sorrow

Dear Sufjan,

Where to start?

I feel as though I missed out.

I missed out on your flawless work early on. My brother and sister loved you to pieces.

Years ago, in the early 2000s, I remember my brother performing your song Chicago on his guitar at a party once. I thought it was plain silly. Who would want to cry in a car for freedom? What was that supposed to mean?

I was young.

One of those tweeny boppers in love with The Jonas Brothers. Back then, I don't think my hormonal crazy mind was wide enough to grasp on to your music.

Last May, a friend from Ireland introduced you to me. I will be forever thankful he did. Your album Carrie and Lowell has helped me more than you'll ever know.

In the course of three years, I was in a life changing car crash and my Grandma passed away. Exactly one year after my Grandmother's death, I lost my best friend to terminal cancer.

It was all very sudden and abrupt. One traumatic thing happened right after another. It was like a domino effect. It all happened at a young age.

In this past year I have finally been able to breathe, reflect on reality, and examine all that occurred.

As I've been studying you, I've noticed that we were very similar in coping with death. Running away from grief and shutting people out is never a good idea. You of all people know that.

Your words are words I've been thirsting for. Words that I've been trying to get out but cant bring to my lips. Your emotions in Carrie and Lowell are similar emotions I was and still am bombarded with.

I've watched your concerts! I am in love with your voice. I've never been so moved before. You touch my soul.

Sufjan, you have the ability to keep me sane. To give me comfort. To lull me to sleep at night. To make me not so afraid of death.

You have the ability to make me laugh out loud. You're a wonderful story teller! I could hear you speak all day. I wish I could be in the same room with you! You can light up the universe with your mind.

I know you have your struggles. I know you wrestle with depression and more than anything I wish I could save you from your sorrow.

You saved me! I wish I could give back to you. You're a good man. I can tell.

Take care of yourself Mr. Stevens.

Thank you for the music, for your words.

I'll love you forever.

-Kathryn S