Grateful

I'm grateful for the

storm

 It made me appreciate the

sun

I'm grateful for the pain

 for everything that made me

b r e a k

As he finished checking my eye pressure, my doctor's eyes peered at me in utter disbelief.

Are you feeling okay, Kathryn? How are you doing today?

I felt fine.

I felt normal.

As I told him this, he scratched his head and kept staring at me in disbelief.

Most people in my shoes would be on the floor in total agony.

 

A normal eye pressure number is between 14-17.

My eye pressure was 81.

Memories like this trickle through my mind as December grows closer.

Flashbacks make me cringe or I sit in awe and thankfulness wondering why I never felt much pain.

My eye injury from the airbag wasn't the most painful thing.

You'd think having your eye lens ripped out, your pupil exploding, and your iris torn up would hurt...

but it didn't.

Besides fracturing the bone beneath my eye, the most painful thing was the trauma and outcome.

When I returned to school I learned a lesson.

Once something terrible happens to you, people will never see you in the same way they used to.

I lost so many friends and so many opportunities.

A lot of people just didn't know what to say or do around me.

On the flip side, I was blown away by how many people were concerned about me.

I had classmates I never had talked to stop me in the hallways.

They'd ask if I was going to be alright.

If I saw a girl with a beaten and swollen face, I'd stop and care for her too.

November 2010 was the very last month of having a normal right eye.

It was the last month before my world came crashing down.

Before I got a taste of hell.

I had no idea, in a few weeks I would break down sobbing standing by the hospital doors waiting for my mother to pick me up.

That I'd be waking up daily with a pillowcase full of dead blistered skin.

Christmas decorations were not happy.

They were all a blur.

I tried my best to appear positive at all times..but on the inside I was shattered to pieces.

Last week I found an old journal that I kept in the months of the car crash.

Going back and reading my entries were heart wrenching.

 

After 5 hours of surgery and healing, here I am 5 years later.

5 whole years.

Strong.

There are days I feel like a freak or some kind of animal. 

There are days I despise my right eye.

I hate having to travel 3 hours to see an eye specialist.

Getting stitches taken out of your eye isn't the most fun either.

I'm supposed to have more surgery at some point, but no one knows when.

My eye is a ticking bomb.

I wish I could remember what it was like to see well through that eye...but I am still grateful for what I have.

The best part is this:

When you realize you got through it.

Something you thought you'd never get through..

You feel like a warrior.

No matter how many times my family rolls their eyes and scolds me for not letting the past go, I've come to the point where I have accepted it. 

I am never going to get over this.

It changed my life forever.  

I've come a very long way.

You have to fall to rise above it all.

Today, I simply know I have 5 years of strength on my shoulders.

I have scars and memories.

Losses and gains.

Tears and joy.

and I couldn't be happier.

I'm thankful for all my scars,

because they only make my heart grateful.

Author's Note

Reviews

[Abhigyan]

You are right in saying
"When you realize you got through it.
Something you thought you'd never get through..
You feel like a warrior."

...well yes it DOES feel like a warrior after the time passes (I have my own experiences)....
but the way you deal it, forget it , retain some parts and stride past the obstacles is what make you what you are.

Awesome artwork!!
PS - Don't sniffle, 'cuz I don't have tissue paper :-P :-D

[wordman]

you know it`s not what you did or the injury,it is how you handled it ,and what you got from it
you are young but you have inspired me on your faith and your pervasiveness..i am proud of you
and would never look on a disability

[Kathryn Smith]

:') Sniffle. AW. Thank you!!

[wordman]

you know you`re welcome.

[dan]

I'm not well versed in the kind of injury trauma you have gone through, but I do know that most everyone who knows of my disability now view everything I do through the prism of that disability. I can sort of imagine what you went through after the trauma...all the people looking away, all of the treatments, all of the lack of self-acceptance. Your story is one of triumph, of beating tremendous odds...being able to have gotten through it intact. I'm so happy for you. (and the song's message is so inspiring and true...nice choice for accompaniment!) take care...dan

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you my friend for sharing this story. We learn appreciation for things we do not have. The artwork and words. A true lesson for the reader. Thank you for sharing the outstanding story.
Coyote