Creating Concord

Inspired by a Samurai sword wielding poet and now amended with his poets heart and his tutors eye!

Creating Concord

Send in the doves of peace to call the truce,

an end to war will be the only truth;

for as our brothers all took up their arms

swords we've lain down will bring an end to harm.

And when the carnage comes unto an end

mine enemy will then become my friend;

as we break bread together in this tent,

our love for man will be more evident.

 

So joyfully we welcome this rebirth

the tastes of freedom, friendship and great mirth;

from overflowing relieved, thankful hearts,

thus knowing on this path awareness starts.

 

And so to building cities on the sand,

a place where we begin to comprehend

that we can share this precious earth again

regardless of the colour of our skin.

 

13/07/15

Author's Note

Reviews

[Roxie M]

I am deeply grateful for poets, like you John, who seek to love others to bring peace to our planet... God help us...thank you for keeping the word out ther.

[R Smith]

excellent work John with a fine message for the world :)

[Leslie Philibert]

Another fine poem I will enjoy on a sunny morning.....

[Richard🖌]

John,
To read a work from you in a form not your normal style is treasured enjoyment, indeed, as it is done in such a fashion that proves how flexible your excellent skills truly are.

Iambic pentameter is one of the most challenging aspects of poetry one could undertake, and I must say you've performed an exemplary effort, with but a few issues to easily address that will make it virtually perfect … note the following examples/suggestions:
V1L4: swords we've lain down will bring an end to harm.
V3L1: So joyfully we welcome this rebirth,
V3L2: the tastes of freedom, friendship, and great mirth;
V3L3: from overflowing relieved, thankful hearts,
V3L4: thus knowing on this path awareness starts.

Check punctuation throughout … the song is absolutely spot-on.

John, regardless whatever issues there are to address in this marvelously compassionate piece, I think your message is one the entire globe would gladly join in sorting, were it presently within the power of everyday humankind to do so, and it is emblematic of how your beautiful mind, heart, and soul work.

Thank you ever-so gratefully fro sharing you and your fine craft with us, My Friend! ⁓ Richard

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you Richard for sharing your expertise, guidance and advice. I have amended and am happier with it now. Thank you so much.

[Richard🖌]

A grand work, John!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Will a lot of help from a friend!

[Richard🖌]

; )
Ain't it fun!

[~]

A beautiful song of peace offering to the world. Only if all of us gave up on our own selfish ways.. setting our differences aside is not that easy for some.. sigh.. only in our imagination on this side of the creation :D

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Indeed but more want it and dream of it than don't. Thanks for your comment MS

[MsJewel]

What a lovely world it would be....

:) Julie

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I think most of us want it that way Julie. Many thanks.

[wordman]

when god returns this will be a reality
and only then

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I do think 'man' needs to take responsibility and not defer to some ethereal deity. That way lies the use of god to destroy as in Islamic State. Many thanks WM.

[Alfred Kukitz]

The beauty self evident, the dream so real, the last thing needed is for reality to turn the great wheel. Bravo John!

Regards,
Al

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Indeed so Al. Many thanks.

[andrew mitchell]

If only we could live in harmony but I doubt it cos the world has the haves and then there's the have nots! A good write to ponder and Both Johns got it write

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Indeed Lennon did Andrew; many thanks.