I'll be Watching (Over) You

When two people need each other the bond is strong. With thanks again to Richard for his guidance and expert help!

I'll be Watching (Over) You

 

This tempest quell, that rages in my breast,

do not allow the freedom of that beast.

For I have guarded it with all my might

but I no longer have the strength to fight.

 

Reach deep inside and soothe this tortured soul,

lest it break free and I loose all control.

For that would be a dark and sorry fate,

come rescue me before it is too late.

 

And in return dear Maid I pledge to thee

a love that here on earth few seldom see.

My heart and adoration I shall give

each day and every moment that you live.

 

With Kisses tender, strong hands I do pledge,

my deep devotion for you needs no urge;

for I will worship every breath you take

protecting each and every step you make.

 

14/07/15

Author's Note

Reviews

[Nicky Sarti]

I know it has been a while, lots of "ship" has happened; to us both I am sure.
How are things? Anything new etc happening with you?
My news is boring and tedious. But I keep trying my best.
Courses have finished, I now have an A-level in Creative Writing! (Get me hey?)
I have a new puppy dog called Jackson, and probably more grey hairs than I care to admit.
Lost my writing bug for a while too, but getting back to it now.
Anyways, back to the review ~~ awesome as always. I love the language; totally me right now.
The music video also fits in with the words really well.
There is passion and love within this poem. But then that is totally you all over isn't it?
Glad I finally got my butt into gear and read/checked the site. Great to hear your writing once again. Promise that I shall get back to posting some of my work again. Take care sweets, chat soon xxx

[DougWinky]

Oh yeah, how's the job search coming? Heard your reputation took quite the hit a few months ago.

Don't hit women John. It's a big reason why you're still on our radar.

[DougWinky]

There is a person who name drops this website's d*********s on reddit all the time.... You're one those named d*********s.


You could say he's watching over you... yeah, you could say that.

[AaronFreitas]

Nice work buddy... always can count on an awesome story from you :)

[andrew mitchell]

A power write that you deliver so well like a swordsman, swift quick strokes of markmanship John. Unbelievable!! So good! And Love the Police!!

[Leslie Philibert]

John is a poet I know well, and this is perfectly adapted...great !

[Kelly Scheppers]

A most eloquent ode and interpretation to the song! You can do no wrong, John...this reads like an arrow straight to the heart!

Richard is a pretty talented guy, I must say!

[Richard🖌]

Dang, guy!
Not many "dear Maids" would want to resist such an offer …
especially, when made by the right man. ; )
Okay, gals, quit elbowing, I'll be out of your way in a moment … LOL!

Tech stuff: Separate Title and verse, and note the following iambic issues and suggestions:
V1L1: This tempest quell, that rages in my breast,
V4L1: With Kisses tender, strong hands I do pledge
V4L3: "do" worship is improper grammar
V4L4: Protecting each and every step you make.

John, it is, indeed, most wonderful to enjoy the spreading of your peotical wings, venturing beyond your usual scope of composing, and your efforts are quite brilliant, to say the least.

My hat's off to you, with a huge smile on this olde mug … LOL! ⁓ Richard

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Richard I am again indebted to you for your guidance and indulgence. It is also your encouragement that persuaded me to try this form again. I am no scholar of English and suffer a mild dyslexia. My son is an excellent poet and writer. his prose is akin to Ian McEwan and he has already been compared to Hemingway. http://www.writerscafe.org/JamesMc

[Richard🖌]

It is a joy for me, John; thus, I most gratefully receive your thanks.
Send your boy my way … I shall receive him in great appreciation.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you Richard you will find him at http://www.writerscafe.org/JamesMc
He is dormant at present as he is studying English Literature and History at university.

[Richard🖌]

Oh!
Tell him to drop by every now and again.
I'll go give him a look-see.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Let me know what you think. I am sure he would enjoy your work Richard. He is on a break from University from the end of the month.

[Richard🖌]

I read his Weeping, and found it an amazingly deep and touching (albeit, alarming) work, until after reading his Author's notes.
A prodigal son you are obviously proud of, and who could blame you?

[John Alexander McFadyen]

He is my joy Richard. But all parents fee that. I have two others and love them equally in different ways.

[Richard🖌]

Ya gotta, John … each of the are their own wonderful person, eh?
I don't know about "all" parents, though … LOL!

[~]

A beautiful write! Romances the ears and the heart alike. The touch of rhyme has been strong hmmm? :D
And I love that song!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you MS. Just reminding myself, with Richard's nudge, not to get too stuck in one form.

[MsJewel]

Your words are powerful...and yet there is a softness that is so appealing. The third verse is my favorite...beautifully romantic.

:) Julie

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you so much Julie.