One Night on Barrel-Belly Island

The Most Feared Beard In All The Land

 

 

     Once, there was a giant blue moon. No gianter than the mythologized moon we have come to know dotted in the sky, but giant on it’s own terms nevertheless. The stars were plentiful and spattered all over the sky as if a painter had sneezed into his canvas. The sea was calm and attentive and smack in the middle of it a small ripple shook the most feared (Or un-feared, depending on your recollection of the Great Gobbling Gold incident of 1268) ship across 7 oceans. Pirates are not known to be a friendly breed of bruisers, but what is forgotten is that among the rotten ones are a few good ones. They act like other pirates. They steal, they gamble, they have many wives at once, and they even eat feathered animals, but they have warm hearts. Some even have a ragged tale worth telling..

    In the galley, Fire-beard was pacing back and forth looking at a map and stroking his chin which was miraculously made of fire, and eating a dragon-tongue sandwich. He sat down for a minute and had a flashback. ..
He was once a normal child. Unfortunately he was born with a slight inflammation of the chin, which doctors reassured his parents would “Go away with plenty of water and rest”. But Fire-Beard cried and screamed and nearly burned down the house-boat with what grew to be a full beard of flame. One day when he was just 7 years old, while his father was using his chin as a torch for the barbecue, Fire-Beard burnt off his father’s hand. His father cried and pleaded and cursed that infernal beard. It was too late. His parents left him afloat on a raft in the Crooked Sea. Many years passed, and eventually, after becoming dehydrated and starved and having hallucinated a purple medusa with a boot fetish and having been shot at 6 times by a cannon an arrow and a pistol, Fire-Beard collapsed. When he awoke he found there was a blue cockatoo on his shoulder. As it turned out he spoke beautiful Buccaneese and said his name was ‘Splinty’. Fire-Beard smiled for the first time in months and announced to his new friend that he had decided to “become a pirate”. “You mean, you will steal and pillage and never brush your teeth again?” squawked Splinty. “No, no I will still look after my teeth and remain honorable to the law, freeboot friend” said Fire-Beard, washing his face in the sea.
“I just intend to get back what I’ve lost and perhaps become a little prosperous on the side..and I may change my apparel”.  He gave Splinty a peanut he had been saving in his sock for desperate measures. Splinty flapped his wings in delight. They were happy to have found each other. Fire-Beard’s mood improved even more when he saw in the distant fog the outline of a ship. It was coming in their direction. Soon, he could make out a flag. It was a picture of a broken bottle with a ‘Do Not!’ sign slashed through it. They must have been one of those au courant eco-friendly crews he’d heard of. Well, he read about on his raft by way of news in a bottle. It’s how he’d learned to read. He kept well informed by the Daily Telescope. The ship was now completely visible. It was magnificent. It was just like Fire-Beard dreamed. Giant masts and buckles and ropes and chests tied all around it. He could vaguely see a scruffy man in a red-striped shirt smoking over the side.

“Splinty?”, Fire-Beard beckoned for him to climb onto his finger. “This ship may be our way off this raft and hopefully into a better life.” He looked down at him. “Do you know anything about the broken bottle sign? Are they good? Bad?” Splinty flew just above his head. “I can tell you what they’re not. They’re no evil pirates that’s for sure”.
“How do you know?”
Just then a man shouted something and began pointing at the raft and drew his sword. Uh-oh gulped Fire-Beard. The man behind the giant wheel turned the ship to cut them off. A rope fell over the side of the boat and landed next to the raft.

Aboard The Bone-Dancer Vessel

For 10 minutes the sea was dead silent and Fire-Beard wondered if he was going to be kidnapped and diced into a million pieces by blood-hungry sharks, when a small boy slid down a rope.

“G’day Matey, ragged sea life got the best of ye, eh?”
Fire-Beard looked at the boy mockingly.
“So is that how the pirates are speaking these days?”
The boy looked ashamed and accidentally cut the safety rope, and fell onto the raft.
“Er, well it’s part of our training, oh luminously bearded one.” The boy bowed, his giant feathered hat smacking Splinty on the head.
Splinty Squawked and flew up above the ship.
“Great, now how do you s’pose we’ll get back up there?” asked Fire-Beard.
“Arrr, she’s not a problem, not a problem is she.” Said the boy.

“Can you just speak properly for a minute, lad?” Fire-Beard grumbled.

The boy was shaking in his boots and dropped his sword.
“Um, well, we can simply run across a line of crocodiles and into the ship’s galley.”
Fire-Beard gave him a horrified look.
“How do you s’pose we do that, boy?”
Without answering him, the young boy picked up his sword and shouted some pirate jibberish and began firing his pistol. A line of crocodiles poked their heads out of the water and the boy ran across as fast as he could and jumped into the ship’s galley with a loud crash.
“Throw me the pistol, boy!” shouted Fire-Beard.
He caught the pistol, almost falling in the ocean.
He fired a round of shots up into the sky and when the crocs showed their heads he ran for his life.
Inside the ship, two cooks were rushing around inside a tiny closet of a kitchen banging into each other and throwing ingredients up in the air and waving cleavers.
As if the boy had read his mind, he asked Fire-Beard to join him and the rest of the crew for a celebratory dinner. Fire-Beard was starving. Splinty Squawked with delight.
“What is the celebration, lad?” asked Fire-Beard
“Er, well, I’m not meant to say.”
Fire-Beard looked confused.
“Why not, boy?”
He didn’t answer.
He led them up a rickety staircase and through a music hall, which consisted of an entire ramshackle orchestra, the whole gang. A pair of Vile Innist’s, an oil drummer, a bone-pianist, and of course, a  full crass section.
“Lovely!” Squawked Splinty.
“Ahem, excuse me, but what is your name, lad?”

The boy slapped his hand to his head.
“Where are my manners? I am Kenneth Branneth. Pirate in training aboard the great Bone-Dancer vessel of the Eco-Crew of friendly bandits.”
Fire-Beard looked impressed.
“That’s quite the introduction, lad”
He then shook Kenneth’s hand.
“A great pleasure. I am Fire-Beard, and this here is Squinty. We have been lost at sea for a great number of years, but have dreamed of being rescued one day. We are most indebted to you and your men, naturally.”
Kenneth went tomato red.

“It is our duty to help the misfortunate and keep peace  at sea.”

They continued on up to the main deck and toward the bough of the ship. They could hear great booming belly laughs and clanking of goblets.
They approached a large table bigger than Fire-Beard had ever seen before, where a magnificent golden chandelier hung from the ceiling, and about 8 cheerful pirates of various types and sizes sat, drinking merrily.
The red-striped pirate who Firebeard had seen earlier saw them coming and stopped laughing.
“Ah, well if it ain’t our little swashbuckler-to-be!”  he boomed with a raspy sea-voice.
“Yes, sir.” Said Kenneth Branneth.
“And who do we have here?” he pointed his sword, drunkenly, at Fire-Beard. “A guest, do we?”
“Our raft was swallowed up by your most magnificent vessel, a real honor, O cogent corsair. This young lad saved our lives.” Said Fire-Beard.
“Gwah ha ha ha” laughed the pirate, holding his belly. “Your training has taught you well, m’boy”

A young mermaid lady was whispering to what appeared to be a squid in a white suit.

“Most interesting” said Fire-Beard, “that you have denounced the typical pirate dialect in favor of olde English.”
The pirate shook his head. “We haven’t denounced it, my friend, but more accurately we have just advanced over other crews to suit our pro-ecological nature. We protect and give to the sea that which we get back from it. We learn from the world around us, rather than take from it. We are the real rebels of the sea. We will confront anybody who wishes to mistreat the land.”
He stuck out his luxurious hand. It was covered in magnificent gold and silver rings.
“allow me to introduce myself.” He Said, “I am RustLeg The Brave. Captain of this crew of conservationist cronies. Won’t you join us for a brew?”
Fire-Beard was delighted. He shook his hand. “I am Fire-Beard. It is a pleasure. And this is my best friend Splinty. We would be beholden at the very thought of joining you, captain.”
The young mermaid introduced herself as Miss. Davies, a lost schoolteacher. She had been teaching a school of Scurvy fishmen the importance of green beans, when a strong current pulled her away to the Crooked Sea. There she was rescued by the Eco-Pirates and made one of the crew.
  She’s ever so beautiful, thought Fire-Beard.
“I am the doctor of this here ship and I reckon I’m the best there is in all 7 oceans, but good heavens, man, never have I seen such a growth as you have there on your chin!” Said the squid in the white suit, lowering his glasses for a better look.
Kenneth Branneth was scurrying around the table pouring more dark brown ale in everyone’s goblet.
“Well, it happened when I was a boy” said Fire-Beard. “I was cursed with a rare birth defect. I was born with a beard of fire. Hard as they tried, doc, they just could not put it out.” Fire-Beard then leaned over and lit the doctor’s cigar with his beard.
“most impressive!” shouted the doctor “It’s miraculous.”
“I think it’s very rugged.” Winked Miss Davies.
“However” remarked the doctor, putting his glasses back on and puffing from his cigar. “I reckon with the right budget we can buy the tools needed to put out that fire once and for all.”
“Put it out, put it out!” squawked Splinty.
The doctor rubbed his chin thoughtfully and then offered Fire-Beard a cigar.
“You see that big ominous ball of fire and gasses in the sky there?” Asked the Doc.
“Why, yes, of course the moon. I know it well. For years I had nobody and so I would look up at it every night and pray that it would bring me fortune.” Said Fire-Beard, puffing on his cigar.
“My mother always used to tell me that if I got married at night, the moon and the stars would bless my marriage.” Said Miss Davies.
Fire-Beard looked at her and smiled.
“Under that moon, under that moon, is that great fortune you had prayed for, Beard, the answer to your dreams, the cause of madness in many a man, yes I speak of Barrel-Belly Island.”
“O nonsense is what that is, just rumours.” Miss Davies rolled her eyes.
“Gold?” asked Fire-Beard, excitedly.
“Oh my son, gold, treasure beyond your wildest dreams!” said the Doc, slamming his goblet down. “And it just so happens, that this very crew has pinpointed it’s exact location and is heading to it as we speak!”
“Tonight?!” cried Fire-Beard.
“My dear bearded one” shouted the Squid Doctor, spilling ale everywhere, “We will be ashore by midnight tonight.”
“IF everything goes as planned and we are not intercepted by that horrid hogwash crew from the north, and if the sea, she stays gentle… it is a possibility”  Said RustLeg.

  It truly was a gorgeous night. The men were drinking their ale and cracking jokes, bad as they were, and the music was spilling out from the floorboards of the undead music hall. The moon sure did look something else. It was certainly bigger and wiser than he had seen it before. The stars were like a natural nightlight lighting up the sea. The ferocious waves earlier in the day now had subsided to tickling ripples.
 Fire-Beard was happier than he had been in all his life. He had family now. He was learning the trade and he may become rich beyond his wildest dreams.

He was very lucky, indeed. 

“Let me show you something here” Said RustLeg, hobbling over to a chest on the side of the boat.
Fire-Beard hadn’t noticed his bad leg before because he had been sitting down. He had a cane fashioned from an old bamboo stem.
“What is it?” Asked Fire-Beard.
“Well” said RustLeg, untying the knots around the chest. “It’s something I’ve been holding onto for some time that I want you to have. Sort of a welcome aboard present.” He finally unlatched the chest and pulled out a starfish. It was blue. Fire-Beard had heard of these before.
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly think of accepting a gift” He said, examining the star. “I should be the one offering you a gift for saving my life.”
“Nonsense” replied RustLeg. “Do you know what this does, lad?”
“I can’t say I …”
He was interrupted. “They say that at night it becomes a compass and wherever the fish glows is the direction you follow.”
Fire-Beard looked puzzled. “A compass? Interesting … but you’ve never seen it work before?” He asked.
“Oh, god, no” said RustLeg. “I’ve only heard rumors, bearded one.”
Fire-Beard turned it upside down and pointed it up to the sky.
“So, it may do nothing at all?” He asked, now shaking the star.
“It’s a vague possibility” Said RustLeg, “It’s a vague possibility” He repeated. “But then how come it’s blue?” He slammed a fist into an open palm.
“You make a good point, captain” said Fire-Beard, “it is mysteriously blue.”
RustLeg laughed a great belly rumbling laugh.
“We’ll see when the time’s right, Beardy Boy, we’ll see how precious this thing really is.”
“Well, thank you very kindly, I will treasure this always.” He stuck it in his belt.
“I would have given ye a pistol” Said RustLeg “But I didn’t think the sentimental value was there.”
Fire-Beard smiled.
“This is beautiful, captain.”
 

   The Undead Orchestra stopped playing now and according to the doctor’s pocket-watch, it was well past midnight. Everybody had their belly’s full of ale and chicken and they gathered at the Poop Deck.  The ships Helmsman came rushing over to the crew.

“I can sheeee ..” He sputtered for air. “I can definitely sheeee it.”  He had a whistle from his two missing front teeth.

RustLeg grabbed his shoulders and shook him “You can see what, ya whistling mongrel?”
“I sheeee Barrel-Belly Island!” Said the helmsman excitedly.
Everybody gasped and began chattering excitedly.
“Can he really see it through that old telescope?” asked Miss Davies. “It must be 100 years old.”
“Can it really be?” Fire-Beard asked her.
She fluttered her eyelashes. “I sure hope so. I want to be rich.”
RustLeg jumped with excitement. “Onward to Barrel-Belly, me Scallydogs!” he shouted.
“Onward” squawked Splinty.  He flew up to a high mast and perched.

 

     The ship sailed smoothly through Desmind’s Coral, bypassed Gabriel’s Galleon, and floated peacefully into Chippiwack Cave, which had become an Eco-Pirate’s bottle depot.  After RustLeg returned all the empty ale bottles (The one’s with the 3 giant X’s on the label) the ship finally came to a crashing halt on the shore of Barrel-Belly. The crew all leaned over the side of the boat, bewildered. It was unlike anything any of them had ever seen before. The water was crystal clear and shimmering. The sand on the beach was purely white. And the trees were palm and coconut. Fire-Beard rubbed his eyes. He was in pirate heaven.
“Oh my” squeaked Miss Davies.

“Ok, everybody out, but don’t wander astray, it’s hard to say what danger lie ahead there” Said RustLeg, tapping the exit plank with his cane. “Bygod, she is beautiful ain’t she, Doc?”
The Doctor wiped a tear from his eye and put his glasses back on.
“Aye captain, aye.” 

Author's Note

This is a children's and young people's novel I'm working on right now, just a few chapters on
Let me know what you think, any feedback, disgust, distaste you may have would be appreciated ..