the boat that ran away

The Boat That Ran Away

Afterwards, he said, he meant to pull in there.
He had planned to tie up and stay,
but the day the boat got away, he swore & slammed
his cooler against the pier, and he said that
I had chosen a bad port & how stupid it was
to pull up anywhere on a good river,
that had a free flow, just because of flowers.
And it was the flowers, their fault, I mean,
for diverting my attention, but the red paints
were in full bloom & I wanted to take them home with me.
So I forgot to tie up & he was busy checking the cooler.
I forgot everything but the blood red color & the soft
green of the grass in sunlight.
And the boat was restless & obviously somewhere
on the river, had developed a mind of its own.
Let's see, it may have mumbled, I believe
I will travel on a little on my own. A good day for it.
Or maybe it was just the weight of us & the arguing.
Either way, the little boat looked peaceful enough,
as it wandered away, perfectly content with its day.
I imagine, I should have pulled in earlier,
for he was man intent on free moving water, and not one
to waste much effort on anything that stayed solid.
So after a long rant, it was a long walk,
that could have been beautiful & the lost anchor
laughed off by love and patience, but instead
it was a long, tense walk back to the marina,
where the boat had been hauled in by the manager,
who had a reputation for being responsible.

Reviews

[W.k.kortas]

This is, quite simply, the full package--it's wonderfully paced, it's almost cinematically visual, the imagery is varied and inventive, and the narrative is just flat-out genius. This may be the finest of your works, which, by extension, means it stacks up favorably with any poetry produced anywhere, anytime. It's pretty much beyond praise.

[Chris Bighorse]

What a magnificent piece! There are very few poets out there that can focus thoughts and words in the way that blends the two together. Much of this poem is suffused with that expressive alchemy that allows readers to experience the content of the poem with a cinematic disposition but keeps the mind alert to what lies beneath the words.

I've never thought of the ampersand as a literary tool before but now I can see what RK is talking about. My first reaction was leaning toward the negative. The symbol seemed a little too distracting to me at first because I found my attention getting drawn back to those little symbols and found it annoying. After reading what RK had to say on the matter has opened my mind to various methods which to use the symbol. The ampersand, as used in this poem, allows the thoughts which usually surround the symbol to be compounded into a single thread of coherency, as if the two thoughts were expressed at the same time; a technique that I haven't experienced yet and am quite impressed by.

Which brings me to my criticisms!

The use of the Ampersand during the last stretch of the poem seem excessive to me, as the actions that surround the symbol seem disjointed from each other and I have a hard time making any connection between the two thoughts.

I also think that this poem could use some stanzas. There are incredible parts of this poem that need to stand out more than they already do and I think line breaks would be a simple way of giving the poem more loftiness without having to construct whole new proses.

These lines I think can be taken out of the poem:

'And it was the flowers, their fault, I mean,
for diverting my attention . . .,'
This line, to me, is a little distracting. The line itself diverts attention from the real meat of the rest of the line.

'obviously somewhere
on the river, . . .'
Again, too distracting I think from the better parts of the poem. There is no need to reestablish where the boat is in the poem anymore. The boat is the central theme and we, as readers, don't need this reminder that the boat is in the water (obviously!)

'I imagine, I should have pulled in earlier,
for he was man intent on free moving water, and not one
to waste much effort on anything that stayed solid.'
I just can't make any sense of this line. I think it's half finished. There might be a little more hiding inside you somewhere that will better connect these two sentiments.

'& the lost anchor
laughed off by love and patience,'
Again, I think this is an unfinished thought that lies outside the context of the rest of the line. It's hard to establish an image of movement (walking to the marina) while talking about something that holds you to a single location. Even though you tell us right away that the anchor is lost the image is still there, burning a hole in your beautiful contemplations and musings.

The title of the poem doesn't sit well with me either. It makes me think about a child's story, not the sophistication and elegance of a graceful and moving poem.

Don't worry, I won't leave you with just criticisms. The overall aesthetics of the poem are phenomenal. From the first line to the last, I really enjoyed the subtle images and reflections that you so eloquently point out. Also I get the slightest essence of Kurt Vonnegut in the simple imagery you expose the reader to and how deeply effective those minute gestures are.

I really enjoyed reading the poem and I will definitely be coming by to read more of your work.

Chris B.

[Rachel Knight]

Great. Great, great, great, great, great. I might as well start with your inclusion of my favorite punctuation mark: the ampersand, sometimes used without much purpose in poems, moves the rhythm along a bit and adds to the quickness with which one can read this poem. The quickness is purposeful because it allows the reader to follow the mind of the narrator in a slightly disjointed (maybe it was this, or maybe it was that) but altogether cohesive way.

No word is superfluous. All are well-chosen to convey the feelings of the narrator and the nature of her relationship with the "he" she communicates with. (The narrator may not be a woman, I suppose, but I read it that way.)

The imagery works well, and is film-like as some have noted below. Good use of color, good use to tying emotions into physical scenery.

Emotions are well-expressed. You bring out empathy in your audience, a feat which is second to none on the list of traits of good poetry.

[AK]

This one found me too. It's brilliant!
It reminds me of a poor man who was excited at the prospect of buying a boat that was parked with it's trailer on a parking lot adjacent to the office building where my wife worked. The man saw the big "For Sale" sign on the boat and he pulled into the parking lot in a frenzy. He really wanted to buy a boat. In his excitement and haste to get out of his Jeep Wagoneer he failed to put the gear shift in "P", he only had time for the "R". He bailed out and climbed into the boat without ever noticing his Jeep slowly, deliberately, with increasing speed chugging backward across the parking lot...
My wife is very proud of her car. It's the only one like it in our town you know... one of only two in our State. She always parked it just below her second-floor office window, on the end where no one would scratch it. Oh yes, she had noticed the boat parked there days before.

What an odd "crunch" she thought, just beneath her window. Then someone from the parking lot below called her name, a coworker. "You need to see this" they said.

The man looking at the boat never had a clue until someone yelled to him... He too "meant to pull in there."

There's something inherently hazardous about men with boats.

[No]

circumlocution actually works to establish a tangible flow in transition between thoughts in this. i very much liked the way the boat can be used to represent just about any thing in life that has slipped away and the way that we find some tangent to embark on, some other reason to blame without blaming ourselves. we're all afraid of guilt and of responsibility and its a small but powerful themes that manages to subtly haunt us all. every day. all the time.

[Sel Whiteley]

You paint these river scenes so well. As W.K.Kortas says, it is almost filmic. You paint a great image of the boat and by giving it thoughts, it seems personified, we can actually relate to the boat. For me, there is a metaphor to this: the river, the journey, the men not staying, carried on by fast water, but maybe that's just what I read into it.

[R J Askew]

From the ordinariness of life comes the extraordinary...you succeed in making the boat seem like a child that is sick of its parents pointless bickering. The gentleness and understated humour of the poem makes it a delightful read. It captures a difficult moment of mishap and bad-temper, but it does it in such a way that it seems almost beautiful. How silly these humans are! Love the somonlent humour of it...ach, what right have humans to be at odds with each other at such a moment in such a setting?

My favourite lines are ...

I will travel on a little on my own. A good day for it.
Or maybe it was just the weight of us & the arguing.
...and...
who had a reputation for being responsible.

[Ed Hart]

"What's the matter with women, anyway? Don't they know a thing about what's important? Did you see that one today? Head in the clouds, or someplace else, if you catch my drift. And catchin' a drift is exactly what I had to do. Right by the dock there. Nobody in it. Just as peaceful as you please. The two of 'em came in later. You should of seen 'em. What a sight. He was fit to be tied. Damned if she wasn't holding a bunch of flowers. They were all scraggly by the time they got here, including the flowers. But she wouldn't let go of 'em. Them flowers is what she went after, an' she was gonna keep 'em. Hmmm......!

[Kevin Vorshak]

Stupendously written moment in time, depicting what an unfortunate circumstance might have been. I loved the personification of what the boat may have thought as it decided to journey on its own and the addition of the anchor as another point for what might have been was genious. Loved this.

[Ken Simm.]

I can hear this spoken in an almost conspiratorial whisper. The words run gossiping together like the river they speak of. Shining and catching the light until they run inevitably into the responsible manager who stops the quicksilver flow dead. A lovely, lovely piece.

[Creepy Swine Guy]

... and the next day the sun came up just the same, the sky remained overhead ... and while I cannot be sure, I suspect that it won't make any difference 100 years from now.

Patience and a light heart are wonderful gifts.