~Shattered Past~

This was not written from my personal P.O.V. but it was something that i seen in my mind so i had to write it down...

~Shattered Past~

Who is that girl
Trapped in the mirror?
She looks like me
But I don’t recognize
The look in her eyes.
Why is she so sad?
Is it because
She’s caged behind bars
Of skewed misconception
Or maybe because
Her sorrow is written on her brow
The image of her past
Stares back into the face
Of her future

 

I’m locked in a world full of lies
So I dodge my own reflection
Because the glass holds the truth
I gaze at these unwanted features
They remind me of my so-called mother
Who doesn’t even deserve that title.
I look into my own eyes
And I see hers looking back…
I scream with every breath left in my lungs

 

WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME!
DIDN’T YOU LOVE ME!!

 

Tears rolling, eyes swollen
I pound my fist into the glass
Shattering all that was left of my past
A distorted torn and broken
Face looks back at me in the mirror
Who is that girl?
 

Author's Note

I'd appreciate your honesty thank you..

Reviews

[Aradie Rain]

I think it says alot about todays world. lots have people have family that has left them. the was good symbolizm with the mirror in here. a mirror everything is trapped, once you look into it. the key though is not to look. ps. your pic is perfect for this poem.

[Rodney Russ]

loved the symbolism.

[justjenn_2u]

I like this poem. I really liked the first paragraph, a third person perspective. I would love to see the entire poem in third person though I like it this way as well. Just an idea. Very good imagery through out the piece. Nice write. Keep up the good work!!!!

[Melanie Jane Boicourt S..]

wipe wipe!! I was wiping my invisible tears. I could have cried but I am in too good of a mood tonight.
Otherwise, very moving, (especially the middle part of the poem). And I like the way you ended the poem with the repeated question.
Now about that 7 years of bad luck!
Just kidding! I do not believe in that.
Love All,
Mejasha

[Sexy Jones]

i really like this.
i just read it at least 5 times.

[An Ordinary Woman]

I like it. I think its very potent as it stands. If you left out the "I's" and "she's" I wonder how you could still maintain the focus on the relationship with your mother, or am I reading it wrong?

Still, it's wonderful and powerful, I like it!

[Frozen.]

"A distorted torn and broken

Face looks back at me in the mirror

Who is this girl?"

This hit me hard, as I can really identify with the feeling of not knowing who you are. To look in the mirror everyday and wonder who that person is staring back at you.

Very good write, keep up the good work.

[Emily B]

I agree with those who came before that it is a strong piece of writing. I wonder if leaving the narrative were left as either she or I if it wouldn't be that much stronger. Focus your intensity until it crescendoes just almost out of control into an explosion of emotion.

Welcome to the cafe.

[Stacey]

I think the last stanza has a really nice rhythm that the rest of the poem seems to lack. I usually don't like free verse unless the writer uses really powerful/descriptive words and the words you used felt kind of simple(that's just my preference though). It might just be because it wasn't written from personal experience though?
Anyway, I hope you take everything I said as suggestion instead of insults or something 'cause I swear I'm not trying to be mean :x

[AK]

Great idea with very strong images and emotion. I hope the outer image can help the inner image to see that there absolutely is reason to go on, reason to hope!

[Dez]

I agree with other reviewers who have said that this piece is powerful. I think that it speaks to a lot of people on a lot of different levels -- it has broad range. I like the switch from observer to subject, but I wonder if perhaps (and it's just a suggestion) there could be a space between the last line of the observer, "Of her future," and the first line of the subject, "I'm locked in a world full of lies," to acknowledge the switch between the two. I think that would add to the effectiveness of the piece. Overall, though, I think you've done a great job! Well done. :)