Gym Shenanigans - Five A Side..........

Seriously, I cannot believe they’re starting a FIVE-ASIDE SATURDAY INDOORS FOOTBALL LEAGUE! As I read the poster there's so much information, I'm intrigued.  It says top prize to give away and a special visit from Patron of the 'Darling Buds of May'. 

I Wonder who it might be, guess I'll have to join up and see. Wonder if it's a famous football player like 'Beckham' or then again, it's more likely going to be the Lord Mayor from Peckham. Mr Beckham would be perfect  just what this club needs.  A famous person grace their presence  would be great for our club indeed.

Back from my reverie I’m wondering what else are they going to offer in our club?  Oh well, 5 A side... mmmmh...wonder if that includes the sub?

Apparently all welcome to come and have a go, indoors sounds good, wouldn’t fancy playing outside in the snow.  It says their looking for male and female teams, blimey that’s a first, how times have changed it seems.  Doesn’t say that they can’t be mixed,  yet all the guys’ teams already listed look sorted talk about being fixed.

I doubt the guys would have wanted to play with girls in their team; really, sometimes sexism can seem quite mean.  Who needs the boys an all girls team will give as good as we get.  Come on lads put your money where your mouth is...and make a be.

Just thinking about it now, I'll ask Josie's, she's not a bad player for a lass. I doubt it would be up Susie's street, she's got way to much class!  As for Rosie, I know she'll join up like a shot, anything to do with David Beckham, she thinks he's hot!  As for me, football is definitely not my thing, but I'll gladly help any charity to raise cash and chip in. I would still much prefer a day out with the girls mind you, out shopping in Harvey Nicholls with a few cocktails is what I’d much rather do.

Still one player short need to find a 5th to join in, hmmm, maybe I should ask Bronwyn.  She's always game for a laugh and will do anything to help out.  Oh maybe not, I'm sure she's been suffering from gout!!! I'll try Penny, she's definitely game and in for a pound, I'll give her a buzz tonight to tell her about  and invite her round.  I hope it all goes to plan thats our team sorted,  enough teams now lets hope it doesn't get aborted.

Such a sacred sport played for years years by men and now women are playing more and more.  They play equally well and yes fella's women can score. Yep, women are playing football at a professional level today, move over fellas, women football teams have come along way. However, it is fact that footballers have the best legs in the world there also sexy and bad. All things said  cyclist’s legs are mighty fine I hasten to add.  If I had to choose between Beckham & Armstrong, one without the other that would be so wrong.  Two of the fittest men on this planet, legs made of steel and both with abs as hard as granite. (just guessing.. lol)

There’s so much information to take in, need to be clued up about rules don’t want to come across nice but dim.  If there’s one thing I’ve never been able to understand about football that’s the off-side rule.  Guess it wasn’t something I was taught in school. Not even my brothers could explain this part of the game. I'm sure it's when the ball rolls off the pitch or maybe that's not quite the the same. lol! 

Anyway, I'm sure we'll do our best, play as good as we can just like the rest.  So many things to remember about the game.  One thing for sure those things they call Penalty Shoot outs can seem quite lame.  Only watched a big match recently on TV and nobody had scored, by the time they got through the Penalty shoot outs I was bored.  One team looked like there were about to win as their players all shot the ball into the back of the net. Whilst the other team, didn't play as good and lost the match and probably lost some poor sod their bet!

The best way round it is to play like we know what we’re doing, and if anyone says anything we'll pretend as though we’re just jesting. Memories come flooding back to when I played in school. Went in for the tackle, tripped up over my own feet and fell flat on my face like a fool! It wasn't funny and my back side hurt like hell.  Maybe this time I'll wear something padded made out of gell. There were so many spectators back then who came to watch that day....lost all my street cred and any chances of impressing and getting together with Ray.  

Yeah... Ray was our schools young loves dream at only fifteen, he was the hottest thing back then and looked just like James Dean.  With his gorgeous hair and smoldering good looks, every girl had his name scribbled on their school boo text books. Not sure how I'll fare all these years later, hmmm last time I heard how Ray was doing, he was training to be an actor.  lol!  

It seems, the 5 A side isn't actually taking place indoors as there is no room, it must be down at the local indoor astra turf club I presume. All for a worthy cause, as I read down the list I stop for a pause.  Yep it says to be held at Footie Five Indoor Club, it says here, teams of 5 and an extra sub. lol!

 

Blimey, it’s programmed in for the next five weeks, and the winners of the league get to play with a real club and learn more football techniques. Charming, why doesn't it suprise me that the prize is geared towards the MALES,  so not fair. That needs to be changed to something that 'we' all can enjoy and share. After a quiet word with the Manager of our club, he's offered the females a free pass, a massage and a soak in the jacuzzi tub. Nah, I'm sure I can ask for one better than that, a friend of mine is in the know and well in with a premiere club, now that's a fact. If he can pull a few strings, we'll get to date a dishy player from the local premiere league club, hey, we won't mind even if he's only just the sub.   

Right enough pondering, where do I sign, yep right their on the dotted line. There's loads of teams already signed I see, look there's just room for my team and me. Typical of lads with nick names they give themselves down at the pub, some sound really silly. Why on earth would you want to abbreviate your name and reduce it to Willy!

As I read the list it’s made me laugh out loud as I spot a funny player nick name  name. Can you imagine some one calling out..."Over here Willy...on mi head” during a serious game.  Thinking long and hard (no pun intended) as to what my name should be.  Hmmm, not that, no not that either, think I'll be sticking to the name my mother gave me. 

  

 As I’m about to scribble my signature down on the sheet, I hear a voice call my name out, oh no it’s Confident Pete.

 “Hey BB, see your signing up your female football team good to see your keen” he says

 "Hi there Pete, yeah I'll do anything to help out, if your struggling for a player don't hesitate to ask and give me a shout'.

"We've already got our team signed up" he declares. There's me, Gary, Larry and Barry oh and not forgetting Harry.  But if we need a rub, umm, I mean a sub, I'll give you a buzz".

"Oh right", as I try not to sound too astound I can't stop thinking what a creepy perverted dog hound.

Definitely going to keep my eye on that *Sleaze ball*. If the girls get wind of his sleaziness, there's bound to be a brawl.