Hidden Marks

If you pull my pants down

You'll see it

You'll see the marks,

You'll see the burns,

You'll see the cuts.

The marks were made from duct tape that helped me feel skinnier

The burns were a way to forget how i felt about you

The cuts were a way to deal with your disappointment in me

My thighs...red as a rose

The burns...fresh as the rain from the sky

The cuts...scarred as my soul

If you pull my pants down

You'll see it

You'll se the marks,

You'll see the burns,

You'll see the cuts.

It's all because of you

Reviews

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

I’ve purposely blocked the preceding writer who reviewed you with his long dialogue I’ve. Read lots of his awful reviews they are never positive so please don’t be upset by his spiel he does this to all he can

Sorry he was so mean especially if you are in an emotional fragile space of mind and low self worth or self harm his is the last thing you need ,,,

I liked your poem
Do not be hard on yourself as I said to a writer this morning who wrote something similar
This is from an old gal aged 62 nearly 63 be easy on yourself life changes
Love yourself cherish who you are God gave you a beautiful soul let it shine
You are unique there is never ever gonna be another you don’t waste y our life in self harm doubt hate
Love who you are it’ll get better ❤️‍🩹
Don’t waste your life on negativity be positive it’s hard at first
Squash negatives push in the positives

[Kat]

Thank you for your review it makes me feel a lot better after reading what he said it really put me in a bad headspace this morning so that really set the tone for my day and thank you so much for all your support!

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

I thought as much that’s why I wrote what I did I don’t normally block people but wow lol 😂
Anyway keep writing
For every negative thought u have write down two positives
Make a diary
One day most of your thoughts will be better
I have bad days myself xx

[Kat]

yeah he went beyond the line with that review honestly
i will do that it sounds like a good way to not harm myself xx

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

I’m no psychoanalytic person I’ve made mistakes in my life wow a book of em but one thing I learnt life goes fast don’t waste it on self hate etc I’ve done my fare share of that and guilt only last few years been more positive and I’m old so yeh talking from experience don’t wait that long

[Kat]

Your right i mean i should grab life by the horns right my friends and i are in highschool and we're always saying to each other (it's mostly during a relationship thing but it's still true) "tell this person how you feel take your chance cause there is a very likely chance that you will never see them again after highschool"

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

Not necessarily
My kids still friends with their high school buds
They 26 32 34

[Kat]

Hmm nice it'd be nice to still know the same people in the next 6 years we're all freshman

[littlekinglord]

I have felt this way before I also have scars on my body from years of abuse but I am here to say you should not be ashamed of them they are reminders of the past and now you can see where you have become. I believe in you every single day.

[Kat]

Thank you so much!

[JayG]

While I’m certain that to you this is deeply moving, because you’ve written it as an essay, in which someone unknown is talking to someone never introduced, what emotional content can it have for the reader? What reason have you given them to say anything more than, “Uhh…okay.”? None, because you’re talking TO the reader about things for which you provide no context.

Sure, for you, when you read, knowing the characters, the situation, and the backstory, each line points to images, events, and emotions that are stored and waiting to be called up in your mind.

But pity the poor reader. Unlike you, they know nothing of the situation, of the speaker, or the backstory, when they read. And since there is no second-first impression, they need context as-they-read. So, for that reader, each line points to images, events, and emotions that are stored and waiting to be called up in *YOUR* mind. But you’re not there to clarify when it’s read. So...

Look at the piece as a reader must, and how they will react as-they-read. Remember, unlike you, they don't already know what the next line will say.

• If you pull my pants down

As presented, this reads as is we’re talking about what this person will do as a result of that action, not as a negative.

• You'll see it

"It?" What in the pluperfect hells is the reader to take "it" to be?" Because you have context AND intent guiding you, you know what “it” is before you come to the word. The reader will assume that you mean a sex organ, or perhaps a deformity. In any case, this line needs to be deleted. Without it, at least the reader learns what’s going on.

But…breaking the first line off where you do, simply to make it look like a poem, kills understanding, and demonstrates why you can't change an essay into a poem with a scissors. Look at the first line as it should have read:

"If you pull my pants down you'll see the marks,"

That, at least makes sense.

• You'll the cuts.

Did you EDIT this before posting?

Here’s the thing: At the moment you’re telling the reader about unknown people doing things for unknown reasons. So, because you’re writing in a nonfiction style that makes it read dispassionately, you give them no reason to care. The reader can’t hear you reading it, and have no way to know how you want them to read it. Remember, the reader sees the punctuation AFTER they read the line. So a series of context free declarations is as exciting, and emotionally moving to a reader as any essay or report. But people read poetry for the emotional experience, not the facts. Tell the reader "my leg hurts" and what can they do but shrug? That’s why your goal is to make THEIR leg hurt as-yours-does, by making them feel the same emotional pain for the same reasons. And no way in hell can you do that with the book-report writing skills we were given in school. No way.

Telling the reader, “Some guy broke up with me so I started hurting myself,” without making them know why that was the reaction, is data, not poetry.

My suggestion, other than more careful editing, is to first, read the excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. He focuses on structured poetry, but still, what he has to say about the flow of language is something every writer should know.

Then, read a book or two on the techniques of poetry. There’s LOT to it that’s not obvious. Remember, they offer degrees centered on writing poetry. You have to assume that at least some of what’s taught is necessary, and useful. And the more you know about what you’re doing the greater the options, giving you a way to express yourself in a way that better moves the reader, emotionally.

As they say, if all you own is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. So if the only writing techniques you have are nonfiction...

I know this is pretty far from what you hoped to hear, but you can’t fix the problem you don’t see as being one, so…

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

A very powerful and dark poem. I am sure there are quite a few who relate to these words. Thank you for sharing your art with us.