Chapter Two

I hadn’t seen Ryker or Ben in school on Thursday. I didn’t have any classes with them, just sort of knew who they were because everyone at school knew who they were. It was Friday and I was so excited, yet so nervous at the same time. I had spent all of last night listening to Bassnectar songs on Youtube and Googling what to wear to a rave. But I had no fuzzy leg warmers or neon bead bracelets or tutus. I had no idea where to find any of that stuff either.

            I had found websites that sold rave wear but I needed something for today. I couldn’t wait three to five business days for it. I went to Party City and found some tutus, but was just too unsure to actually commit to buying and wearing one. What if I was the only one dressed like that? What would I do then? Feel like a complete a*****e is what.

            “Hey, Lindsey,” I heard Ryker’s voice call out from behind me. I turned to find him and Ben walking towards me. There was a girl with them too. Her name was Haley Sterna. I’d been in the same chemistry class as her last year. I had always been jealous of her perfect complexion and shiny golden hair.

            “Oh, hey,” I replied, trying not to seem so excited.

            “You ready for tonight?” he asked with a wide grin.

            “So ready,”

            “It’s gonna be sick! Bassnectar kills it every time,”

            “Yeah, I’ve heard,” I lied.

            “So you’re still good with us picking you up at six, right?” he asked.

            “Yep, sounds good!”

            “Don’t be making us wait for you either,” Haley added. “Doors open at seven and it’s a half hour drive to Chicago. We wanna get up close to rage.” I had no idea what raging was or why we wanted to be up close for it, but I wasn’t going to question her.

            “Yeah, of course,” I said.

            “Alright, so we’ll see you at six then,” Ryker said. “Don’t forget your rage face!” He flashed me one last smile before the three of them turned to walk away. What the f**k was a rage face?

            I grabbed my homework from my locker, stuffed it in my book bag and walked out to my car. Six o’clock wasn’t gonna come fast enough, that was for sure.

 

            My hair was straightened to perfection. My lips were glossed. My lashes were dark and my eyes lined in black. I wore my shortest pair of cutoff denim shorts along with a cropped t-shirt I’d bought at Forever 21 on my way home from school and my gray pair of Vans. Hopefully I didn’t stick out from the rest of the ravers too much.

            My phone buzzed. It was Ryker calling. I glanced at the time. Five fifty-seven.

            “Hello,” I answered.

            “Yo, we’re here,” he said. There was loud music blaring in the background.

            “Ok, be right out,” I said. He hung up before I did.

            I sucked in a deep breath, taking one last glance at myself in the mirror. Here we go.

            I walked outside and walked up to the little green Honda Civic that was sitting there. Haley was in the driver’s seat with Ben next to her, so I climbed in back next to Ryker. My heart was pounding.

            “Hey!” Ryker greeted me with a huge smile. “Damn, you look good!”

            “Oh, thanks,” I replied with a blush. I didn’t get a good look at what Haley was wearing, but I saw those bracelets on her arms. She had so many that they reached her elbows. She also wore some type of flower crown over her blonde, teased hair and had self-adhesive gems placed on the sides of her pale green eyes. Damn it, maybe I should’ve went all out and bought that tutu.

            “Let’s do this!” Ryker shouted.

            “Hell yeah!” Ben shouted back. He turned up the music even louder than it already was and we rolled off down the street, away from my house.

            You blocked me on Facebook and now you’re going to die

            Ok, this music was definitely strange. Who was this British chick talking and why was she such a stalker? I wasn’t sure whether or not I liked it, but they were all enjoying the s**t out of it. The guys were both fist pumping and whooing out the window while Haley grinned and nodded her head along with the beat. I wasn’t really sure what to do. I didn’t know these people all that well. I definitely wasn’t comfortable enough to dance in the car with them.

            The rest of the car ride went like this, with them dancing and me sitting there trying to ease the anxiety that was churning in the pit of my stomach. We parked the car and when we got out, I finally got a good look at Haley’s outfit. She had on a pink bra that she had decorated with jewels and flowers, matched with a rainbow tutu, some blue fishnets and pink fuzzy leg warmers. She looked like a fairy princess or something. Compared to her, I looked like s**t.

            “You guys ready?” Ben asked.

            “Hold on, let me crotch the pills here first,” Haley said to him. He reached in his pocket and handed her a tiny plastic baggy containing eight little blue pressed pills. She turned so that she was facing the car and stuffed them away somewhere under her tutu. “Ok, now I’m ready,”

            I was guessing that stuff was ecstasy. And there were eight pills and four of us. Did that mean two for each of us? Did that mean I was going to be given drugs tonight? Holy s**t, my anxiety doubled instantly.

            We started walking towards the building. Ben and Haley were holding hands. I’d figured out that they were dating, and had been wondering if that meant Ryker invited me as his date. If he had, did that mean that he was going to ask me to dance with him later? The thought of that made me feel like I was going to throw up. I didn’t dance. Like ever. There was a ten out of ten chance that I sucked completely at it.

            We waited in a long line, Haley smoked a cigarette and the light breeze kept on blowing the smoke in my direction. I kept breathing it in and it was starting to make me feel sick. I hated cigarette smoke.

            The line finally started moving and when it was our turn, we showed our tickets and IDs to the security guards, who then passed us along to another set of security guards. Haley and I were ushered off to the right to be patted down and Ryker and Ben got sent to the left. The guard checked the pockets of my shorts, only finding my phone, drivers license, credit card and some cash I’d brought just in case. She then told me I was good and I stepped away. Once we had all gotten through security, we headed into the venue.

            There were half naked girls and douchebags in bro tanks everywhere.

            “You guys got any Molly?” some creepy guy with beady eyes asked us.

            “Not for sale, bro,” Ryker replied, nudging him away. We kept on walking until we got to the room where the stage was. Ben took Haley’s hand, who took Ryker’s, who offered his to me. I took it and Ben led us through the sea of people, trying to get us as close to the stage as possible. We ended up about twenty feet away, but there were way too many people for us to move in any closer.

            “Hell yeah, guys, we’re here!” Ben cried with a wide smile. No DJ was on stage yet, but they had some electronic music playing while we all waited. Haley kissed her boyfriend and began dancing, swaying her hips and gracefully moving her arms up above her head. I watched enviously as she moved with the music. Ben placed his hands on her hips and moved with her. I stood there next to Ryker, beginning to regret coming here. I could taste the awkward tension in the air.

            “So you excited to see Bassnectar?” Ryker asked me.

            “Yeah, for sure,” I told him. He looked down at me, and a small grin danced across his perfect lips.

            “Is this the first show you’ve been to?”

            I blushed and looked down at my Vans. Was it really that noticeable? “Uh, yeah,” I murmured self-consciously.

            “No need to be embarrassed,” he assured me. “I’m glad I got to be the one to take your rave virginity.” He laughed, letting me know that there really was nothing to be embarrassed about. He didn’t care that it was my first time at a rave. He wasn’t judging me for it, and that both shocked and delighted me beyond belief.

            “Well now that you know it’s my first time, can I ask you something?”

            “Go for it,”

            “What the f**k is a rage face?”

            He began chuckling, but not in a mocking way at all. “Have you ever rolled before?”

            “Rolled?”

            “Yeah, as in like ecstasy,”

            I knew this was coming. An uneasy feeling crept up inside of me. “Oh, uhm…no, I haven’t,”

            “Then you wouldn’t get it,” he replied. “We have two extra pills if you’re interested though. No pressure, just putting it out there,”

            “What does it feel like?” I wondered aloud. Twenty minutes ago I would have never asked this question for fear of him thinking I was just some straightedge loser. But now I felt differently about him. I was actually beginning to feel comfortable around him.

            He smiled, getting this distant look in his chocolate brown eyes like he was reminiscing on something. “It feels like…like you’re flying. Like all of your senses are heightened and you just feel everything. The music isn’t just music, it becomes a part of you. You connect with it and feel every bit of it. And it all just feels so f*****g good.”

            He made it sound like something magical. I had never been offered drugs or been associated with anyone who did them. Even if I had wanted to do drugs, I would’ve never known where to look for them until now. It sounded pretty amazing, but I was scared at the same time. I didn’t know very much about ecstasy. For all I knew my body could react differently to it and I could die tonight. Then again, if these three and probably about ninety-five percent of the rest of the people here did it regularly, could it really be that dangerous?

            “Wow, that sounds pretty amazing,” I replied.

            “It is. It’s like nothing you’ve ever felt before. And like I said we have two extra. They normally go for twenty a hit, but me and Ben deal so we get them real cheap. I’d only charge you twenty for both if you wanted them.”

            Twenty dollars for one tiny pill? Holy s**t. They must be as good as he said if they go for that much money. I had thirty dollars on me. I could buy them both and still have ten dollars left for water or food. I really wanted to try it. The three of them would all be rolling soon, I didn’t want to be the only sober one. I’d been empty and numb my entire life. It was time for me to feel something different.

            I reached in my back pocket and pulled out a twenty, slipping it to him subtly. “I’ll take them,”

            He grinned and tucked the twenty away into his own pocket. “You won’t regret it,” he told me. He tapped Ben on the shoulder to get his attention.

            “What’s up?” Ben asked, turning away from Haley.

            “Lindsey just bought those last two pills, ok?”

            Ben looked at me, seeming a little surprised. “I didn’t know you rolled,” he said. By now, Haley had turned towards us to see what we were talking about.

            “I didn’t until now,” I confessed, hoping he’d be as cool about it as Ryker was.

            “This is gonna be your first time rolling?” Haley asked me. “Oh my gosh, you’re gonna love it!” She smiled as if to assure me that I would.

            This was crazy. I wasn’t expecting them all to be so nice to me. I kind of was expecting them to be partying and using weird lingo like raging, completely excluding me since I didn’t know what they were talking about. But no, this was pretty nice. I was most surprised at how nice Haley was suddenly being. I didn’t know her very well, but I’d always just assumed she was a b***h because she was pretty and most pretty girls were.

            “Is this like your first show?” she asked me.

            “Yeah, actually,” I told her.

            “Ahh, no way! Well trust me, Bassnectar is the absolute best. Like you couldn’t have picked a better DJ to lose your rave virginity to. He’s gonna go hard as f**k,” She glanced down at my bare wrists. “Do you want some kandi?”

            “Candy?” Why did she bring candy with her? Was it some sort of rave thing or what?

            “Yeah,” She pointed to the bracelets on her arms. Ohh, so that’s what those bracelets are called.

            “Ohh, kandi,” I laughed, sort of embarrassed even though I knew my lack of rave knowledge didn’t make them think any less of me. “Yeah, why not,” I replied.

            She held up two fingers, forming a peace sign. I stared back at them, unsure of how to respond to this. She picked up on my confusion and explained to me what was happening. “Ok, so when you trade kandi, you do it by using PLUR. PLUR stands for peace, love, unity and respect. It’s like what we live by at shows and stuff. So hold up your hand like this,” I copied her peace sign and she pressed her two fingers to mine. “Peace,” she recited. She curved her hand, forming half a heart, so I did the same with mine. “Love,” Next she intertwined her fingers with mine, holding my hand. “Unity,” And lastly, she chose a piece of kandi and slid it from her arm, across our hands and onto mine. “Respect,”

            She let go and smiled at me. In that moment, I felt something I had never felt before. Acceptance. It didn’t matter who I was or that I’d never been to a rave before. I was here now, surrounded by all these people who were all dressed up in neon, dancing and laughing and just enjoying eachother. In that moment, I knew that this was where I belonged. I had finally found somewhere that I felt comfortable. I had finally found a place where I could be myself and not be judged or mocked for it.

            “Thank you,” I told her with a warm smile. But I couldn’t thank these people enough. They’d opened up my eyes to a whole new world.

            Suddenly, everyone erupted in applause as two DJs made their way to the stage. Music began playing and lights and lasers began flashing. If I were epileptic, I’d be seizing like crazy right now.

            “Whooo!” Haley shouted, pumping her fist and moving her body along with the beat. Their DJ booth said Porn and Chicken on it in bright orange lights.

            “I thought this was Bassnectar,” I shouted over the music to Ryker.

            “There’s two other DJs that go on first,” he shouted back. I nodded. Ryker tapped Haley on the shoulder and she turned to look at him. He opened his mouth and pointed to it. She nodded back and reached into her tutu, pulling out the small bag and handing it to him.

            Ben reached inside the sling pack he wore on his back and pulled out a bottle of water. After fiddling with it, Ryker tucked the bag of pills back into his pocket. He handed one pill to Ben, one to Haley and one to me. I looked down at the small blue pill resting in the palm of my hand and my heart began to race. This was it. I was about to take a hit of ecstasy.

            Haley took hers first, washing it down with a swig of water. She then passed the bottle to Ben and he took his pill. Ryker took his next, and then handed the water bottle to me. It was my turn. I sucked in a deep breath, both scared and thrilled, and took my pill. I handed the water bottle back to Ben who put it back in his sling pack.

            “In about half an hour, you’re gonna be flying,” Ryker told me. I smiled back at him. They all began dancing and I swayed to the music, not going as hard as they were but still moving with the beat. I was ready for this roll to hit me. I was ready to experience what this magical little pill could do to me. I was ready to feel.