Motherless Daughter

Struggling with this one.

Nothing could prepare me for the crush in my chest,

how I forgot to breathe.

Everyone was surprised I wasn’t the strong one, instead

stunned, sedated, barely standing,

a broken orphan.

 

For forty-three years we had our moments

of loving, laughing, fighting,

maintaining stubborn silence.

You taught me how to wear lipstick,

match my purse with my shoes,

respect my elders, tell the truth,

love and protect my children above all.

 

It’s been three years since your heart attack;

I still think I can call and tell you something my kids did, or

ask for your cranberry jello recipe just in time for Thanksgiving.

I’ll be shopping in some random department store,

hear Patsy Cline’s  “Crazy” playing on the Muzak,  and

can’t help but smile, remembering it was your favorite.

Whenever I see a butterfly around me,

I know it’s you  

saying hello,

always watching over me.

 

Every day I see you in your grandchildren

Two girls, two boys,

A couple of tweens, a teen and a grown man,

all carrying the knowledge and love you gave them.

You were a better grandmother than a mother.

 

My sister and I find ourselves

thinking, doing, saying things you did

even though we swore we never would,

then looking at each other through inevitable tears.

We are better mothers because of you.

 

Overnight you were gone,

no warning, no goodbye.

They say you felt nothing in your sleep.

I need to believe that.

Reviews

[lcotterman]

I am tearful and proud! You have written your feelings and in doing so you have helped me to heal a little more. Amazing!!