The Friends that Come to Play - Anxiety and Depression

The truth on my two best friends - Anxiety and Depression

A lot of people say that you won't know how someone feels if you didn't go through the same experience as he or she does. Well that's frankly true.

And that also goes the same for depression or anxiety. No one would really understand what you are going through no matter how much they look, touch, smell, hear, or even taste you!

Anxiety is easy to talk about. For me it's the fear of everything. It's the fear of loneliness, but it's also the fear of socializing. Being of afraid of failing, but also being afraid to take the risk or be productive. Having anxiety makes you even afraid of other people's thoughts and even your own thoughts. Anxiety forces you to be afraid of who you are. And that fear turns into hate.

Depression is rather hard to explain. It's not sadness. It's like soaking in a warm tub with candle lights illuminating the room. 

Sounds perfectly relaxing right?

Well it won't be when you when the light goes out and you pull the plug. You'll see the water slowly drain away... leaving you shivering in the cold, and alone and naked in the dark. You are vulnerable, stone cold to move, and lost in the gloom. Depression makes you feel like nothing. Depression just makes you stop functioning like the human being you are. Anxiety strips you away from what you love claiming that you were never good enough and once dear friend depression comes by to play it tells it's pointless to do anything... you were never good enough in the first place.

If anxiety is what takes you hostage in your own home then depression would be its best friend dragging you back to the bed pinning you down, telling you that it wouldn't matter if you were out there or in here... telling you no one would care if you vanished into thin air! 

Where do you get this?

You don't know?

Well I don't know either!

It's like hundreds of things that seem that pile on top of another and you have to balance all that weight on a tightrope. While you try to balance on that rope for dear life you also just want to jump and plummet to your doom and finally get this over with.

But you don't.

Live or die either way you think you don't matter.

You'll be stuck in that limbo until you get the courage. The courage not for the right thing to do...

Those two would drill into your head how worthless you are until you feel to take the knife and slit your wrists, prepare the noose to hang on the tree, or pull the trigger. Only leaving a note on how much you fucked up your life.

They don't terrify me of dying alone, it horrifies me that I have to live alone...

Author's Note

I have come back from the dead hahaha! I'm feeling better now already. I was supposed to write a story/poem about my internet friends but I watched Dear Evan Hansen... overcame by feels I started to write this.

Tell me your thoughts on how I can improve on my writing thank you!
I DON'T OWN THE PICS!!!

Reviews

[Accalia]

I can relate to this story completely, and I will admit it did bring back those memories. I don't regret reading this and I am grateful that you decided to share this so I thank you for that. To me is sounds like you are starting to overcome some of the anxiety as well as the depression. For that I will wish you the best of luck.. Keep on writing!!

[Psychotic Lily]

Thank you Accalia. I think i have jumped over the last obstacle to cure myself of this mess 2 years ago. But sometimes it just comebacks, I try to make good use of it for my writing instead.

[Raven Moonchild]

(hugs) I'm glad to know that you are feeling better,dear. :) This poems touches my heats and the pains within.

[Psychotic Lily]

(hugs back) Thank you Raven!

[Priyanshi]

You possess great writing skills ,dear........really amazing piece, I loved it, Lily.
Keep on writing.

[Psychotic Lily]

Thank you Pri 😁

[Priyanshi]

My pleasure.

[CMC]

This is very compelling and deep. I like how you made the reader feel every ounce of what it's like to go through the pains of anxiety and depression. Thank you for sharing, twas an interesting read.

[Psychotic Lily]

Thank you Chris 😄

[CMC]

You're welcome :)

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Wonderful it hits home to me and one of my family

[Psychotic Lily]

Thank you 😁 though anxiety and depression is hard to handle all we need is courage,love, and acceptance to live on

[bella]

This is amazing please keep writing

[Psychotic Lily]

Thank you Bella 😁

[keith]

good to see you making the turn ...
you have placed your thoughts your feelings your insecurities to paper in a clear and gracious manner
keep your writing as a companion for it appears to remain a positive for you

[Psychotic Lily]

Thank you ABG! My next poem is a surprise for you 😁

[Wajiha Nayeem]

this is a marvelous write...keep writing.

[Psychotic Lily]

Thank you Wajiha 😁

[rowan.taylorrr]

i relate with this. you did amazing explaining the unexplainable

[Psychotic Lily]

Thank you xoxo 😁

[L.C. Jarrette]

hey, we all had those moments - fear of being lonely and fear of failing.huhu
i'm at brink myself but let's not give up my friend!!!
those rocks will just keep throwing at us,but i say, "Let them throw!" cause the harder and bigger the rocks, the stronger we will become and then We Shall Stand at the Edge of the Earth and Sky!!

:) being optimistic...but seriously, never give up.

[Psychotic Lily]

Thank you L.C. yeah we should never give up 😁 I hope I also won't give up this new school year (shs is the death of me)

[L.C. Jarrette]

haha! don't worry, i know you'll get through shs. it's after you graduate in college you should be worried about. that's the real deal. that's what i'm going through right now. if you need someone to talk to i'm just here.
:) aja!

[Psychotic Lily]

Fighting! Hahaha god bless ☺

[L.C. Jarrette]

god bless!