In between the silences

Have you ever felt like things are moving too quickly?Or that everything is loud?Have you ever wanted to find peace?Or serenity?Or a place where silence prevails...a place of hope..a place of love...

Somewhere hidden beneath the fog,

you can see the colour,

Somewhere you've known all along ,

You can feel the breeze.

Somewhere that you feel love,

holds the key,

To that place hidden beneath.

A world of silence,

A world without pain.

A world of glory,

So that you can forever reign.

A world of hope,

 A world of dreams,

A world where there is no trouble 

or so it seems.

A world where the princess and the pauper 

are one and the same.

A world where Equity prevails.

This world as such...does not exist

A world filled with silences.

Author's Note

Please do excuse me for all the mismatched rhyme scheme...I'm still trying to create a refined piece of literature...do tell me you reviews/criticism...

Reviews

[Patricia Stephmore]

Really beautiful and enchanting. A world full of silences. The rhyming doesn't matter because the poem itself is so effective. Awesome!

[Gaia Octavia]

I really like this. I noticed you said you want to be a musician/singer; having a passion for writing can very much help you as an artist to write your own songs instead of singing someone else's words. And songs don't need to have rigid rhyme schemes. I could almost hear this being hummed as I read it. I think it'd make a great song :-) Nice job!

[Ria Carol]

Thank you so much for your review :)

[Inject Positivity]

Ria, this is really a soothing and peace building poem, your thoughts are very moving and I enjoyed it... I do believe that kind of a world exists within ourselves, a place where we can go anytime we want to feel peace and silence, a place which is far away from the chaos and pain of this civilized world...

To your author's note: Ria, I know how it feels, I have been there... When I started writing poetry I was no way near the way you write at this age, it takes patience as you know... I request you not to take pressure on yourself, enjoy writing, you are so young my frnd and you have so much possibilities ahead of you, do not worry, at least I have full faith in you that you will get there, just keep on writing with love and I bet you the time will come very soon when you will find yourself at the top of poetic artistry... Keep on smiling my frnd....

Sincerely
Dhiman

[Ria Carol]

Thank you so much...you have encouraged me more than anyone i have ever known.

[barleygirl]

My recommendation is to just write it the way it comes out, as best you can, & worry about shooting for "refined literature" later! It takes years of practice. And the important thing is that writing is enjoyable & something you want to do, rather than dread doing (by putting too many sky-high expectations on yourself).

With that said, your message is so relatable in today's world. We are all mourning the loss of so many simple, pleasurable, meaningful aspects of life, all in the name of progress, & not to mention all the prevalent violence & just plain meanness that abounds. I'm not crazy about repetition in poetry, but lots of people like it & feel it adds emphasis. I especially love the first couple stanzas becuz of the analogies you're using to symbolize beauty in the world being shrouded.

Your title is a great & I kinda wish this sentiment had been tied more directly into the final couplet. Even tho your message ends with the idea that this world no longer exists, I really do believe it DOES exist, if only in our imaginations, our memories, IN BETWEEN THE SILENCES! *smile*

[Ria Carol]

Thank you for your kind review... :)

[Ria Carol]

Its an ideal world that the poem is portraying...it definitely exists in my dreams!... :)

[Zugzwang]

It's good that you're experimenting with rhyme.
If it's something you like, you may wish to continue, but don't feel obliged as most modern poetry doesn't rhyme.
My friend Gaia Octavia does some cool rhyming stuff on this website, you may find it interesting.
Cheers,
z.

[Ria Carol]

Thank you...I genuinely like poems that rhyme...not that i don't like others...i love a rhythmic flow...that's all...but i will definitely try to make my horizons wider. Thank you

[Zugzwang]

It's all good...do what you love to do 😊

[Ria Carol]

Thank you i will... :)

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

Nice one, but I got a have-read-it-before feeling while gliding my eyes through your poem. Mismatched rhyme scheme is not a problem.
Your thoughts are excellent- a world where equity prevails and there is no pain. I believe everybody wishes that there should be no pain, even I sometimes wish that all the pain bids adieu to to the world. But, we, surely, couldn't enjoy happiness if there is no sadness, no pain.
Nice poem, you can do better. Keep writing.

[Ria Carol]

Thank you so much for the feedback...

[The Realist]

Ive always dreamed of a world like this..... this hit home Ria Carol, nice work.

[Ria Carol]

Thank yo so much...:)

[Matching Socks]

You describe a place that exists in dreams, I suppose that's why we dream. :)
It's a lovely poem Ria, well done.

[Ria Carol]

I Worte this poem because most of the time I'm a daydreamer...thank you

[Usman Muhammad]

The whole theme of the poem is beautiful and at the same time makes you feel sad.
I believe that sometimes peace exists in silence, sometimes when things are not going in good direction
one must adapt silence as best way to maintain peace.
Overall its beautiful and melodious.
Keep writing.

[Ria Carol]

Thank you..very much..im really glad you liked it.