Chapter 1 - New Start

Life was going to be weird from this point on. I could feel it. It’s just one of those things you can’t really explain. I had crazy dreams about moving to this place, none that I actually took seriously. My dreams were always a bit crazier than most dreams people have. Maybe it was because I was a bit crazier. But while driving through this town, I knew something was off. Just no clue as to what that something was...

 

My thoughts continued to bounce back and forth during the whole drive. Lilly, my daughter, was asleep in the back seat of the car. Luckily driving was one of the only things that actually relaxed her. My monster was what I called her. She lived up to it well. Hitting those terrible two's very soon. Not something I was looking forward to and especially not in a new place. At least for now she’s just sitting back in her seat, sleeping peacefully.

 

She really is all I have these days. My father bailed out when I was 4, never really got the full reason why. My mother was an alcoholic. She pretty much gave up on everything and everyone. I had practically raised myself from 11 on up. I thought I was getting everything I’d always wanted when I met Lilly’s father, but that all got thrown away when I got pregnant and he decided he wasn't ready to be a father at the last minute. I had pretty much given up on love after that. I was only 18, almost 19, at the time and was worried if I could handle it on my own. That was one of the only times my mother was every really there for me. Of course that didn't last long, once she’d realized that my life wasn’t the way she wanted it, she began to blame herself, and she went back to drinking again. And I was back to taking care of myself again and my daughter. It was one very strange phone call that changed everything.

 

I was pulling into my grandparents' driveway and that snapped me back from remembering why I was doing this. Then suddenly I wasn't so sure again.

 

My grandmother walked out with a huge smile on her face. My grandfather was nowhere to be seen, but that was no surprise. Kind of got the feeling I as wasn't as welcome to him as I was with my grandmother. Oh well. "She is why your here." I reminded myself. "She called you." I let out a huge sigh and checked the back seat before I got out. I don’t know if I was nervous because Lilly was sleeping, hoping maybe she could distract the topics of conversation I wanted to avoid, or just because I haven’t seen my grandparents since I was 9.  Maybe they were both kind of the same. I just want to avoid awkward conversations all together. I shoved myself out of the car, quietly as I could, forcing a smile on my face. I don’t know if I fooled her, but she seemed to buy it.

 

"Rayanne!" she squealed. "You’re finally here! Oh my goodness, I'm so happy to see you honey."

 

I held my smile for as long as I could before my face started to stiffen. I wasn’t too good at faking things like this for long.

 

"Yeah, it’s good to see you too." I said, sounding as happy as I could.

 

She didn’t buy that one. I think she understood though, because she laughed a little.

 

"It'll take a bit of time to get used to, I know. But it’s got to be better than the alternative."

 

Well, so much for avoiding awkwardness. "Hmm, yeah" I replied.

 

When she puts it that way, she was right, it was better than where my life was heading back in California.

 

My mom started drinking again after Lilly was about 1 year old. We did manage to have one good sober talk. She decided for the family’s sake she better get some help before it got worse, but while she was doing that, I would have been temporarily homeless. I didn’t have a job, no real friends that could babysit and I never really have trusted a daycare enough to leave my daughter. I’m always a little too paranoid when it comes to her. So that left me with very little hope of anything good happening anytime soon.

It was the night of the conversation I had with my mother that my grandmother called. I was in my room getting Lilly ready for bed when I heard the arguing. I really should’ve minded my own business, because the next thing I know my grandmother was telling me to move out with her till I can get on my own feet while my mother got the help she needed. I was a little hesitant, but I agreed. "Couldn’t be that bad up there... Could it?"  I had thought after I agreed. Now I was completely unsure about what I was getting myself into.

 

"Soooo...." My grandmother said interrupting my thoughts.

 

I just stood there for another second while I tried to keep focused on the present. "Uh, yeah. I'll get Lilly, she's still passed out."

 

I went over and slowly and carefully got her out of the car. She wrapped her little arms around my neck tightly, though she was still sleeping, when I picked her up and then I followed my grandmother to the house.

 

"We did the best we could on trying to make the bedroom more comfortable for you both. It's been so long since we've seen or talked to you I had no idea what you’re into these days." she said laughing a little uncomfortably. 

 

"I’m not too picky Grams. I’m sure whatever you’ve done with it will be just fine." I said and smiled not really trying that time. I really didn’t expect a whole lot. Just what was needed.

 

We finally go to the door where I hesitated for a couple seconds trying to build the courage to walk in. It had been 12 years since I'd been here. And I doubted my grandfather had gotten any friendlier. I sighed and took the first step in. I hesitated again. “Wow.” I thought. Twelve years later and nothing has changed.

 

“I‘ll show you to your room so you can lay her down. I‘m sure the long drive wore that poor little girl out.” Grams said while walking down the hallway. I followed slowly trying not to jerk Lilly around. I wasn’t the most coordinated and she was getting big.

 

The room was at the end of the house. It was fairly large with its own bathroom. I would have figured this would have been their room. Now that I think about it, this was their room the last time I was here. That upset me a little. I didn’t want them to change anything for me. I assumed I would have gotten the room I used to stay in when I was younger and that would have been fine. It was a really nice room. The walls were a pale blue. Dark blue curtains that had brown leaf patterns on them were pulled back to let the sun shine in. There were two windows on each side of the farthest corner. A queen sized bed, with sheets that matched the curtains, was to my right under one of the windows. A small bed, obviously for a toddler, was a little farther away on the same side under the other window. It was right across from the bathroom. The closet was on the other side of the bathroom. There were two normal size dressers that matched, one at the foot of the small bed, the other on the other side of the bedroom door. This was almost too much.

 

“Grams, you’re really didn’t have too…” I tried to say, but she cut me off.

 

“I just want you to feel comfortable honey. This is a big change for you. We just want what’s best” She smiled then turned to walk away, but stopped and turned back around, not really looking at me. “You lay her down and we‘ll go get some of your stuff now. The rest can wait till after dinner. Your grandfather is barbequing tonight and it’s almost done.” I nodded and she walked away.

 

I was wondering where he had been. Distance was normal for him, but he at least used to make an appearance. I never understood why, but he’s never seemed to like me too much. I wonder if that was because of my parents. But how was that my fault?

 

I laid her down on her new bed. Hopefully when she woke up she wouldn’t be scared. She didn’t really like waking up in new places too well. But really, who would? I stretched and it felt like almost every boned in my body made little popping noises. I glance at the bed and couldn’t wait to get some sleep soon.

 

After we got mostly all the stuff in my room, we sat down to dinner. It was a little awkward, but Grams only asked a few harmless questions about the drive up and the sights I saw. It really was very pretty up here. Gramps said nothing as usual. Lilly hadn’t sleep too much longer after I had laid her down and was enjoying dinner with her new family. I was glad when she woke up happy instead of scared. 

Kids were lucky that way. They didn’t get worried over stupid things like adults did. They were usually happy to see new people and new things. Not so nervous, practically on the verge of a panic attack, like I almost was.

 

I started unpacking some things, starting to settle in a little more. Lilly was in the living room playing with her Great Grandparents. She took to them very easily. That was a good sign.

 

I was about done with unpacking and I realized I was nowhere near being tired anymore. I didn’t feel like reading, I felt like I had too much energy to burn. So I went out and tried to feel as comfortable as I could and joined them in the living room. Lilly really did seem happy. And that made me happy. After all, this was for her. To give us a better life and it seemed like it was starting off ok.

 

“So, I bet you’re pretty tired after that drive. If you‘d like you can go ahead and get some sleep. I can put Lilly to bed when she gets tired. It’ll give me more time to spend with my great granddaughter.” Grams said and then smiled while she started tickling Lilly, who was giggling and squealing.

 

I smiled a little. “Well… Actually, I feel pretty wide awake.” I said. I sat on the floor next to them and looked around the room. A clock caught my eye. It was about 5:45pm.

 

“Oh ok. If you get tired I really don’t mind keeping an eye on her.”  She insisted.

 

“I was thinking about doing something, since it’s still fairly early, but I have no idea what there is to do here.”

 

She kind of smiled, but it was more of a half smile. “Er, well there really isn’t much to do around here really. Most people drive into town for the day for things to do. It may be a little late for that, but it’s up to you.”

 

I thought about that for a second, and remembered that this really was a very small town. I sighed and started to give up the idea of doing anything at all. Then after a few minutes I realized that anything was better than just sitting around here.

 

“Well, maybe I could drive around for a while. You know, do a little sightseeing. Things I missed in the area while getting here. Lilly might like that, and may even get to bed early too.” I laughed a little thinking about her going to bed early after sleeping all day. “Though, I shouldn’t get my hopes up on that last part.” I added.

 

Grams looked down at Lilly and had kind of a sad look on her face. I guess she wouldn’t want Lilly to leave so soon again. Though, it’s not like we were going anywhere, anytime soon. I thought about that a little more and maybe a little drive by myself could be a good thing. Being by myself was rare thing. And the thought of driving fast while blasting music, letting all my thoughts disappear for a while started sounding great.

 

“Hmm, well Lilly could stay here with you if you‘d like. Giving her a break from spending more time in the car might be good.” I said.

 

Grams face glowed. “Sounds great.” she gave Lilly a huge smile and tickled her again.

 

I would have never expected these reactions from her. Happy yes, but this happy?  I couldn’t help but smile again. Maybe things weren’t going to be so bad after all. Gramps would need some working on, but I was starting to think I could handle it.

 

I held onto those positive thoughts as I grabbed my keys, said goodbye and gave Lilly a hug and kiss, then walked out the door.

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

I'm new at writing and I except any criticism. I just ask that you please be nice about it. There may be some grammar errors, but I haven't made things final yet.

Reviews

[Eagle Cruagh]

I just looked at your story, then I thought
this looks interesting. Before I realized what
was happening I had read most of it.

I think that is the spark, the sign of a great
writing, that quality that grabs the reader and
drags him in. Keeping the reader interested
all the way through----that`s it ! That`s the
magic that means, great writer.

My rating: 100 %

----- Eagle Cruagh

[Michael]

Wonderful story. Fresh start and the love of grand parents. It is amazing how things change with time.

[blackandivorykeys]

I like this a lot. While it is a very nice and compelling story, a few things need work.

The start uses 'was' and then jumps into 'I can feel it'.

As well, the quotations have a few gramatical errors... which only I would spot. But they were lingering beyong my eyesite, begging for me to comment. ;)

This sounds like a very intricate, unique, and original story. Great start RachelxMichelle, hope to see more works from you as well. =)

[Jordan]

this is soo great. your a wonderful writer.