The Unforgettable Stranger

A chance meeting with a stunning woman.

   

Have you ever passed a woman on the street who was so stunningly beautiful you wanted to politely stop them and tell them...no secret hidden agenda...no subtle hustle, just letting them know their beauty was noticed? She was like seeing a breathtaking painting in an art gallery...I didn't need to own or possess her. I was just taken by her beauty. I found it difficult not to stare. 

She chose a seat on the bus where no-one could sit between us.

 

I smiled and said hi, and in the friendliest tone she returned the hello. I married a beautiful woman, so I seldom found myself intimidated around nice looking women, but this strange attractive woman actually caused me to be a little nervous. After our brief exchange, I thought that would be the end of the stranger says hello to stranger encounter,and began reading the newspaper I had just bought.

 

"Do you read, a lot?" She asked,with a smile.

 

  "Only if its news about the end of the world," I said with a grin. She laughed. Even her laughter was magnetic; with it's lightness and sincerity. There was a slight pause, and then she spoke.

 

"Did you know there's bacteria on the lime they squeeze into your drink? I love living life on the edge."

 

 

She intentionally made the remark in an overly serious tone,one that really struck me funny. It was as if we were old friends. I couldn't believe the ease with which we were talking. We both laughed at the same things.I was surprised at how relaxed we had both become in such a short amount of time. I was happily married,but I loved the way my heart felt, talking with this amazingly beautiful young woman.

 

Finally,I asked her "Are you a model?"

After I asked the question,I wanted to take it back. 

She looked at me with her entrancing eyes, then, in an obvious, and playful way she replied. 

 

 "That's so ironic,I was about to ask you the same thing." She said with a sly grin. It was perfect timing, and we caught ourselves laughing, again. Then she said something that truly surprised me.

 

"Would you think me too forward if I asked you to share a cup of coffee with me? I know this nice outside cafe a few blocks from here, and I have a little time before I leave for the airport. I thought you were so friendly, and we hit it off...I wondered...if.."

 

Without thinking of anything else, I blurted out

 "I'd love, too." I wasn't trying to pick her up,but she was fascinating, and I wanted to know more about her. I wanted to hear her laugh more, talk more, feel this odd feeling just a little longer.

 

We sat outside on this beautiful morning, and talked almost non-stop. There were no awkward moments. I didn't feel as if she had a hidden agenda. It was two people, two total strangers who, for whatever reason, hit it off, and they seized the moment.

It was unforgettable, and I think she felt the same way. The time flew by. We had talked about a little of everything, then she looked at her watch.

 

"It's time, I can't believe we had so much fun, and were so relaxed doing it."

 

 "And, you didn't try once to hit on me," she laughed out loud, as she slid her chair back.

 "And finally, I didn't have to fend a woman off for a simple conversation." I said, smiling. There life had put us, for a second, I felt a twinge of sadness. I realized how rare such encounters were. I looked at her once more, as she prepared to leave. My God,she was striking,I thought to myself.

 

"Well,I guess I won't ever see you,again,but I just want to tell you what a pleasure it's been meeting you. You take care,and never,ever change that magnetic personality." I said, as she moved toward me.

 

Without warning, she laid her purse back on the table, wrapped her arms around me and gave me the sweetest, most heartfelt hug. She then tenderly kissed my cheek. I was caught off guard.

 

 

 

She picked up her purse...looked me in the eyes... then leaned in close to my ear, and whispered,

 "Good-bye, Dad, you were everything I've dreamed you would be." With that she walked to the street, and immediately a cab stopped. As she pulled away...she smiled, but it looked like she had a tear running down her cheek.

 

I stood there motionless, as my mind raced through summers past...

 

Reviews

[jenbem]

your stories make my heart hurt! in a good way.
this is very well written. I love these new prose/flash fiction pieces you've been writing, they suite you well.
I also love how I can't quite tell if any of your pieces are biographical or not, it takes a person who has many and deep life experiences to blur the lines between pure fiction and reality. It's why Hunter S. Thompson was so extraordinary (although he is on the opposite end of the spectrum from you!).
luck and best wishes,
jenbem

[R J Askew]

The first two lines just stopped my mind...totally. I thought yes, I have there was the woman on the tube with the high slavic cheek bones and the eyes of Sophea Loren...there was the head of hair walking down my railway station...there was the woman with the red shoes with little bows at the backs of them walking through the tube at Bank station in London... Ach, your story rings bells! Not one word, not a peep did I dare say to any of them though it though of saying 'Your face is beautiful' 'Your hair is baeutiful' 'Your shoes are sweet'. Not a peep! I wonder if beautiful women get fed up with men complimenting them gratuitiously. Ach, it's been a lovely sunny spring Friday in London your story has been a perfect read. Should I ever be minded to actually speak to a beautiful woman on an impulse I will remember your story and speak. And if I get a kick in the nuts I'll write it up! Great read. Enjoyed.

[Candle in the wind]

Time flew by indeed as I read your story and I am too stunned to think and unravel the mystery.It was breathtaking to say the least!

[William B. Burkholder]

The ending knocked me off my feet, HOly WOW excellent piece of writing, a though koy to read

[SweetPeachesAlways]

I was happily married, but I loved the way my heart felt, talking with this amazingly beautiful woman.

Well, O. Henry would be proud of you...maybe not the same genre as he but with an eye for an equally seductive ending with a twist! Simply and straightforwardly written; I like that.

Absolutely a solid, feel-good write. Thank you, kind sir, for sharing this with me.

[Gary H]

Stunningly good story. This is very personal to me as I have a daughter somewhere and one day we will meet. I'm guessing by the fact that her mother has vanished that I will not know the person that I meet. I know though that I will think she is wonderful and she will warm my heart. Would be so nice if she were to say those final lines to me " Good-bye Dad, you were everything I've dreamed you would be." Who knows if she ever will.
Well this has made me feel quite reflective. Nicely done.

[Nicole (Carpe Diem)]

Oh Rain, I am sorry I took so long to read this -- it is a fantastic piece -- I love your writing so much...

[Amanda Crandall]

I enjoyed this story very much, like all your work your powerful voice adds so much to the story. The one thing I would suggest is to remove the element that you could possibly be considering an affair, or be leading the lady on. Either make a point of the age difference or a point in the conversation that you have a wife. Although the narrative lets us know the character will be faithful, it doesn't let the girl know that the protagonist is faithful, if that makes any sense. I don't think revealing that would take away from the powerful surprise ending, which you composed elegantly.

[Nick Erickson]

WOW! That was powerful. A chance encounter? Maybe not...
The last part, goodbye father was heart touching.
She had found out all she needed to know, who you were and what kind of man..........
Excellent imagery, emotions and flow.
Well done!!!

[L.A. Swift]

The story itself is heart warming and able to evoke a bit of feeling, which is what is most important in writing. I personally prefer stories which are a bit more flushed out and slightly longer with more action but you did fairly well for the small window of time you had for your writing. But with that said, now on to the negatives.

My biggest issue though is with the dialogue. There are several parts were it feels forced or just plain unnatural for people to talk in the ways that they did. " It's time..I can't believe we had so much fun, and were so relaxed doing it. " That last half of the sentence feels completely contrived in my opinion. I personally would have written something like "I can talk with you so easily" or "we get along so well" but thats just me. I don't know the character as well as you might so I can't say what she would say, but just try to watch out for things like that in the future.

Though I will admit that the dialogue at the beginning of the story was quite nice once you realize the nature of their relationship and go back to read it. At first it felt a bit odd to me because it wasn't the way I would imagine possible would-be lovers (thats what I thought the direction of the story would be at the time) interacting, nothing too specific I just didn't get that impression from it. But going back after I finished it, the interaction made a lot more sense and I could imagine the father-daughter dynamic going on there pretty well.

So, good story, would like further expansion, work on dialogue.

[Ice QueenJen]

This was again a wonderful story Rain, but was so blown away by the ending. I knew something memorable would happen, but never ever thought it would be this-his daughter.

I loved reading this and think I will keep it in my library!

great writing to Rain