Winter Breeze

The poem describes a scene where the cold winter breeze is spreading its magic across the region.

Miracles blowing by,

Pondering a destiny.

With a stash of cold,

And the drifting chillness.

Slashing by every alive thing,

Awakening the dead's stillness,

Of every worn out leaf,

Clutching at their bestowed quietness.

It hinders the auspicious trees,

Swirling across its tendrils.

Pushing across the crippled brick walls,

Enduring with its magical mightiness.

Stimulating the vibratory motion,

Of every whist window;

Staging its characters,

On its vivid and creaky nature.

Embarking itself in every nook and corner,

Of the bumpy halting street.

And tempting the waters,

Towards its minute prophecy.

Now hence the winter breeze,

Engulfs the moment in its sorcery

Reviews

[Redrascalstrawberry]

As suggested by some, I've made the poem little longer.
Your reviews are welcome.

[Words]

Interesting pieces

[Redrascalstrawberry]

Thanks you:)

[James Yelton]

I liked the mood you set in your poem. For the most part it had a pretty good flow and rhythm. Some areas I think might make it even better. You have one area where it might benefit you to re-word. as it's length to me is a distraction: Consider the following instead as an option: "Awakening the dead's stillness,". Additionally, you may want to look at saying: ' Slashing by every alive thing' Also your repetition of 'And the' might better be stated if you change one line to following: 'Clutching at their bestowed quietness.'

[Redrascalstrawberry]

Thanks...I'm gonna make the changes.

[Kathrine]

made me scared...so well done :) writings have to give u a emotions because thats why we write them.

[Redrascalstrawberry]

Thank you Katherine:)

[B-poet]

Very articulate and I love the piercing imagery you've created with your poem. If it hasn't been published it definitely should be. Great work :)

[Redrascalstrawberry]

Thank you so much:)

[Chris]

Hi and welcome to WritersCafe. At the moment this one work is all you have exhibited for reading and review. Writing as you already know takes time and effort, poetry requires giving a bit of you with each work. As an artist our work may be as fancy and whimsical, crystal and cryptic, dark and hopeless - all as we desire, because it IS OUR work and it IS our ultimate choice.

As an opinion: you chose a timely subject for Autumn. The final two lines define what you attempted. I'm not sure you succeeded - the feel was there but for me the description describing was a bit sparse. I don't mean you should overload your work so much that it topples under the sheer weight of metaphore or compacts into a Frosty Snowman's childish delight. But a balance somewhere 'tween would perhaps best put both the YOU in your work as well as more visually impact upon the description present to fill your definition of intent.

As a review: Nice freestyle, Read aloud comfortably. Interesting tonals in the flow. Being phrase driven left the rhythms seeming open awaiting an end.

I hope this helped - it was not meant meanly.

Take care,
Chris

[Redrascalstrawberry]

Thank you chris...it's such a helpful review...

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

Wow, this is beautiful! The imagery and scene itself is described so perfectly and can put an image in your audience's mind. You done an excellent job, indeed! It flows outstandingly and I never wanted it to end. Maybe you could make it a little bit longer, that's just my opinion though. You can keep it just as and it'd still be perfect. Continue writing, because God blessed you with a true talent that people over-look most of the time!! :)

Ashley Rivers--Dream BIG and you'll win BIG:)

[Redrascalstrawberry]

Thank you....I'be noted your point:)

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

You're welcome!! :)

[Steven Cash]

very nice

[Redrascalstrawberry]

Thanks:)

[Isobella Rose]

Very good. It really shows us the scene. I don't think it sounds cut off, but that's just my opinion. Keep writing; I'm looking forward to reading :)

[Redrascalstrawberry]

Thank you so much...your words really inspire me:)

[Isobella Rose]

your welcome :)

[K.G]

umm. . .o.o this is really good. . .like right when i started reading, i needed to get a blanket cause i was feeling the cold that ur were describeing. . .make this longer tho. . . .the ending seems. . .eruptly stopped? or was the intensional?

[Redrascalstrawberry]

Thanks...i appreciate your opinion...I'll keep that in mind:)

[K.G]

lol ur wellcome love ^.^

[Redrascalstrawberry]

I've increased the length, you can have a look now.

[K.G]

i love it ^.^