Crippled Leaves

Left barren to their fate,

On the bumpy asphalt street,

The dry brown leaves,

Who once were ivory green.

They drag on Autumn's plight,

Injured, miffed and hurt.

Crawling their way smoothly,

With their intricate attire.

They jump, they fly,

Quietly with the slashing wind

And juggle distant distances,

On their impaired body,

Meeting their mates on the way,

They celebrate a quick party.

And share Innocent tears,

Talking in their ever propensity,

Carrying their predestined steps,

They keep walking till their near end.

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think about this. I really need to know how it is.
Thank you.

Reviews

[Steven Cash]

really nice job. I liked it :))

[Allycat]

I really love this! it's unique. I like the idea you've used here, I haven't seen anything like it before
wonderful job!

[Redrascalstrawberry]

Thank you so much ally:)

[J. J. Nightingale]

Quietly in the slashing wind
And juggle long distances,
With their impaired body,
Meeting their mates on the way,
They celebrate a quick party.
And share Innocent tears,
Talking in their ever propensity,
Carrying their predestined steps,
They journey frail .. till their end...

Interesting . You paint a picture in our minds .. Jazz

[Redrascalstrawberry]

Thanks jazz....this really helped :)

[J. J. Nightingale]

:) .........

[TheJordBaker]

I like this, great idea and strong use of visualisation and imagery.

[Aehr]

wow, i liked it so much! i can imagine what you've written here clearly. amazing idea, i must say!
:)

[Redrascalstrawberry]

Thanks dear :)

[David Scott]

Good visualization. Some of the wording felt forced, but you got the point across. I did not like "distant distances". Felt redundant. Also would have not given away the metaphor at the beginning. Still, showed talant with your imagery. Keep up the good work!
Be well.

[K.G]

i really like the way you out detail into the words, and they way you order them, well done, but you repeated way twice in this line =>Crawling their way way smoothly

was that intentional? cause it dosnt make sence

[Redrascalstrawberry]

Oops! No it was not done intentionally....it was just a mistake.

[K.G]

good thing i caught it hahanXD

[Ees]

"ivory green" that's a color that as best of my knowledge does not exist, but I like the way that you use it. It makes me think of how the tops of many leaves are a brilliant verdant green while the underside is usually paler, almost white over it- as in ivory.
I can hear the leaves crinckling on down the street.
Good job

[Redrascalstrawberry]

Yes you are right there is no colour as ivory green. It is just a part of my imagination. I wanted to invent something new.

[Ees]

I like it.

[Sarah G.]

Wow, this is really nice poem. I loved your imagery and the way you worded this poem was amazing!
Great job! :)

[Sarah G.]

Can you please read and review Chapter one in Scary stories for me? Thanks. :)

[Redrascalstrawberry]

Thank you. Sure, i'll read it.