i dont f*****g know

I picked up the keys, and my thin waist, my toned abs bent like a heated spoon as I picked up the phone, Are you almost coming yet? We have to leave soon. That’s what you said to me, I turned the ignition and found you sitting, glaring at me as if you knew someone who you never met before, and I sat next to her, not to YOU, you scolded me with love, my secret desire to hold you in that instant, lingered in my fingertips but never twitched hard enough to touch you, we drove to the park, you sat behind me, you sat behind me, she sat next to me, in your place, which seemed completely empty to me, I stood up, I walked away, YOU told me to stop, YOU told me to stay, YOU told me to come back, and I did. YOU sat in the back, YOU sat next to emptiness, YOU scolded me, I stayed. YOU held me, before I left, the sun hiding behind the mountains, shone a beautiful light on your face, your back, your body, that I’ll never forget, I kissed your cheek, for what I thought, would be the first and last time… and I drove away. I stabbed you with my sharp and hurtful words, I stabbed and stabbed until your emotions, along with your love for me, bled out through the wounds, emptying you of any feeling left for me, not a drop, YOU told me this, YOU brought me to my knees, I went outside, I stared at the f*****g moon so bright, shining its crescent on my unfulfilled soul, YOU came to my mind, YOU were in my dreams, I dreamt of you, YOU thought of me, YOU sat in the back seat! YOU, I said I don’t need you, I made mistakes, mistakes, mistakes, and mistakes that have led you down a path that I don’t recognize, where I can’t and maybe, will never be able to find you, I held you, YOU kissed me, YOUR life was complete, YOU kissed me, MY life was complete, WE kissed. We kissed once, YOU gripped my back, my t shirt, I held you by the thighs, squeezed you, I tasted you, YOU wrapped yourself around me, I fell in a F*****G HELL TRAP THAT I’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET OUT OF, you have no idea, how you make me feel, F**k, I wish to die every single day, I do, because WE will never be the same again. But you don’t give a s**t, I don’t give a s**t, but I care SO F*****G MUCH. My heart is beating itself to death without you in it. I feel like letting myself into a coma, so dreaming becomes my new reality, and nothing will be out of reach, not even you, what seems impossible today, kissing you, hugging you, SEEING you telling you that you love me to my face, and laying your head on my shoulder when you were insecure and sad. Those things that are impossible now, are things I can have whenever I want in my dreams, it leaves a hollow feeling, when I wake up from such a dream, but theres nothing more I can do. Never will be able to, I’m sorry, completely, truly theres nothing left for me to say, just this. Please don’t respond in any way. I cant deal with it anymore. This, OUR phase, fling, chapter, whatever, it happened, and it was magic to me, f*****g perfect to me, it was so good to me, and you were as good to me as anyone ever has been.  Thank you for that. 

Reviews

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What a rant. I hope by now, that bitterness has faded away and you've found some solace.

It happens.