A Moment

Random thoughts

I stood there in the parking lot smoking a cigarette, the last damn place in this country where you can still enjoy that small pleasure. I thought of all that was going around me, I wanted to feel the energy of the world flow through me. I felt the frogs in the lake looking for another meal, another mate; their lives so simplistic that it was enviable. I saw the birds flying thinking of the same thing except that they were free.

How enviable it is to be as free as them. To look up at the sky and see the horizon as your destiny, the place where to feast upon the flesh of life was fulfilled with every flap of the wing. In that horizon the world is fulfilled, it is simple, just fly and you will reach your destiny. There in the clouds those birds saw the world and in every second saw their destiny fulfilled in their actions.

In the swamp near by the crocodiles sang of the prey they had just devoured and seek now to discover. Explorers in their own right but of death, as all predators are. The mountain lion upon his hill seeing the world in a similar manner, except walking, stalking his death with every movement of his paw. Those paws, what they have seen no one can gather. It is a footstep that is echoed in the cosmos and upon the lives of their prey; the prey which will soon be devoured in their grasp.

Those that are hunted now their place though, that they may soon be in the lion’s mouth stalks them every second of the day. However, in that blood soaked image lays a purpose. There are those of us that are meant to run, those of us that are meant to fight, those of us that are meant to do nothing at all.

 The mole’s underneath the earth and the sloth’s in the trees realize this and just laze about. The panda in the forest with the bamboo in his mouth looks around and does not care. He has chosen the path of the apathy and no longer hunts as his brethren do. They are the evolutionarily apathetic cousin of the grizzle bear which seeks territory.

In man lies the confusion of instinct. In a part of us the territory blinds us and makes us want to blind the world; the predator in us calls. Then there is the prey in us which calls us to be hunted, that lives in fear every day of the lion’s jaws. The apathetic aspect of nature also exists in us, in that we which to live, f**k and eat all day. In everyone one of us these paradigms of nature exists to varying degrees. They make us cry, laugh, angry and want to screw every second of time till an answer is given and even then some of us will not want to hear it.

We are part of the intelligent conscious part of nature, the particle of the big bang. The big bang began as our thoughts, small at first and then all encompassing. A man is his thoughts, than he is perpetually a part of creation. We are the God’s left behind on the corporeal plane.

In my case,  the sex, drugs and alcohol in my life seemed lacking as well as my ambition. The emptiness inside seems to cry out for something more however even the call seems to lack. I envy the animals and their ability to unquestionably follow their purpose. I’m a beast of purpose; I know this but I’am lacking it. The it that drives life forward, the something which instills in man the sense of purpose and the animals a hunger for something else. I’m a man that is neither predator, prey, nor apathetic but rather all three combined. However, that is me and I know there exists a life outside of myself. I will taste its fruit and describe its taste; that is all I can do at the moment. I then finished my cigarette and threw it on the ground and said to the wind, “another day.”

Author's Note

Say what you will.

Reviews

[ValyrieKiennan]

Watch your verb tenses. Make sure you're consistent throughout! There is some interesting imagery here, and my best recommendation would be this: read this piece out loud, and you will find that you will naturally stumble over sentences that are awkwardly structured/balanced!

Keep writing!

[RenatoRojo]

The thing is spanish is my native language so I tend to think in english but with a spanish flow if that makes sense.

[Cameron]

Hello. Nice piece overall. Please take my critique in the spirit it is intended...

P.2 - Consider "How I envied their freedom" instead. "Enviable" is a good word, but you don't want to drown your reader with it. Also, the next line reads funny. "...the place where [the desire?] to feast... was fulfilled". What is it that is being fulfilled by feasting on the flesh? Usually desires or wishes, or something similar is what gets "fulfilled", but it's not clear. Also, mind your tenses here - your next line pops back into present tense ("world IS fulfilled"), and back to past tense in the next ("birds SAW the world"). I saw your note about being ESL - that's cool, you're doing a bang-up job generally - much better than I could write in Spanish for sure. Just know most of your readers will be English speakers and these little things stand out more to us than you might think.

P.3 "In the swamp nearby (one word, needs a comma)..."

P.4 "Those that are hunted [k?]now..." And after this the sentence gets kooky again... maybe add [the knowledge that] they may soon be in the lion's mouth..." I think you're saying the knowledge of their impending death is stalking them, not literally the lion's mouth. Also, "..soaked image [lies] a purpose"

P.5 No apostrophe needed for moles and sloths. Also, "chosen the path of apathy". I don't think you need [the] here.

P.6 I love this paragraph. Great!

P.7 remove apostrophe from Gods

That's it. Good work, minor stuff aside it's doubly impressive for a non english speaker. Cheers!