In the Second Window

I walked alone one winters night, 

The wind and chill my face did bite,

My hat pulled low, my toes were cold, 

“Going out is dumb” I’ve been told

But I don’t mind it too much, 

The sky, the sky I need to touch,

I brave the sting for the stars,

Though nowadays, those lights might be cars, 

This night is different I felt, 

I trudge on through snow, tightening my coat with a belt.

The windows shone from a building above, 

The light as bright as two faces in love, 

Then I saw her, in the second window, 

Starring as if into the first, 

My heart stopped beating, 

My eyes wide from shock, 

Never before has I seen a maid with suck beautiful golden locks, 

Her cheeks were red her eyes bright blue, 

You’d blush like anything had she been looking at you!

But turn not her head did she, 

And I stood so still as if a tree, 

When I awoke, as if from a dream, 

The spell it seemed was broken, 

But her beauty upon my heart did leave a token, 

I went straight home, forgetting the heavenly lights, 

The cold fought harder yet, reaching past my tights.

Six days have passed from that fated night, 

Each one I have spent in flight, 

Betwixt her house and mine, 

Never does her head turn

Withholding words only on reason of fright, 

The seventh night my courage I raised from the dead, 

Though our meeting and for my sanity I did so dread, 

I strode op soundly to her door, 

And knocked three times, not once more, 

A courtly man I did meet, 

Though well and good, he did not treat.

His nod was posh, his clothes a gleaming, 

And behind him his black coat streaming.

When I asked of the lady upstairs, 

He smiled evilly, and led me up theres, 

He showed me too the room, the door was closed, 

I saw the first window and feelings rising, 

I flew to the door, my emotions trying, 

I flung open the door, and looked quickly in, 

I saw I sight I knew full well, 

It was the maiden, this I could tell, 

But she was mounted on the wall, 

And I looked at her, so tall…

Author's Note

If you guys don't understand the ending...she's a painting...

Reviews

[MissVixen]

Love the Rhyme Scheme
The first line of the third stanza sounds strange. I would suggest removing "I felt" since the narrator is already telling the reader that there is something different.
Suck=Such?
With a bit of tightening up with spelling here and there, it has a lot of potential. Overall, I enjoyed the piece very much especially all the rhymes you have throughout.

[KL]

The concept is really well done, but you're trying too hard to rhyme here which makes the flow choppy and hard to read. It's also inconsistent, as it's mostly aabb the entire way through but there are parts where there is no rhyme at all. When writing, one has to commit to a rhyme scheme if deciding on including it.

[Aven]

apart from a few minor errors, this was a fantastic poem... I really like how the language grabs the reader and drags him along on this crazy journey instead of just putting it infront of him to read. great write!

[Andrew Wright]

Lol, I knew it! I like this piece! ^.^

[.quan.011.]

This is a nice.

[Robyn]

different ending than i was expecting! nice piece

[Matthew Kult]

Hello Trca,

An excellent poem with a curious ending. This flowed beautifully, you have quite the way with words. I can see why Coral suggested the read. Very Good.

Regards,

Matthew

[YouoweYoupay]

Oh...aww..she wasn't real. I love poems about winter, snow, and unreturned/one-sided love. Interesting piece. =3 Thanks for sharing.

-Wella.

[Marie Harrison]

Cool poem, ghostly. Left me with goosebumps.

[Melody-Rose;]

This is an awesome poem :)