Passing

soul pain,
the cold of it
is the heart of alone/ness
is like an familiar, empty chair,
that can never be filled,

rooms full of things, . .
now makes a house full of emptiness,

my soul is filled with pain,
i feel her invisible fingerprints on a table
the cold of emptiness, .
of missing her one/ ness
along with the gone/ ness
of her voice,
echoing up the hallway

though the lights are on
everything is dim
once it was a home
it can never be again,

she,
my love is gone,
our house an empty cavern,
sounds of stillness
hurt my ears, . .
drive sharp pangs of pain,
deep into my heavy, heavy heart
i miss you beyond words, .
lovely things i shared with you are disappeared,
even memories of strife,
only those of you, retained,
stored in my soul remain,
we can no longer share,
lovely ones,
perfect pure,
and tender sweet,
treasures of your precious, precious love,
only they remain,

though they be passed,
ohhh, so good,
once upon a time,

all of these swept away,
in an instant,
unannounced,
unexpected,
innevitable, . . .

ohhh, my love,
once upon a time,
but they hurt,
these overwhelming memories of you,

i can touch them with my spirit,
but not with my fingers,
to caress,
to warm me of this chill,
memories cannot comfort me,
and their hurt is real

the ache and the weeping,
burning grief are
all too real

though your clothes are here
they seem not too real,
as if belonging to someone else
as with your shoes,
as mere,
as if foreign objects,
your pillow is a torture
soft it was,
now, hard
as if it were a rock,
i shun to touch,
or even dare to bring it close

your bedside,
as if a wretched stranger,
though they,
these things be here,
there is no comfort,
only deepening of the void

. . . your robe has traces of your scent,
the things you touched surround me in a frozen state, .
i would trade them all away
only so that i could have you back
your warmth of body heat,

i force myself to hear your voice
to mix your presence of yesterday,
as in once upon a time,
when our souls merged with every breath,
but then,
with soon regret,
it makes the pain unbearable,
to the verge of craziness

self made victim to desperation,
how foolish,
stupid crazy
that i am,
to desparately again,
reach for you, .
as if this bad dream is unreal,

i reach for you through its haze,
i cringe at the thought
of hearing your voice through video,
i cannot endure,
i will not,
i will hide myself from these,

but then,
to your image move across a scene,
pictures of you on the walls,
send me reeling,
caught by surprise
i cannot stand

my head spins in a fog
i must lay down,
i lose my breath
my chest heaves
my sobs violently convulse,
i wish to die and be with you

loneliness profound is being without you
there is no greater pain of the soul
there is no relief,
there only remains
one way to ease the grief,
is to leave this house,
leave all behind
and move far away