North

where the line between us in blurred

As you travel north... The cities and farmer’s fields give way to trees and small towns.  Eventually thinning to become hard snow covered desert tundra, though we are not going that far today.  The concept of time starts to flex, with days stretching to unheard of lengths in the summer and shrinking to scraps of mid day sunlight in the winter. It is a place where people stop desperately trying to beat time into submission but accept its passing as inevitable. A place where civilized conversation is replaced by humor and camaraderie.  Where even the ground becomes smaller, reduced to a few bare inches of soil covering a rocky shield over the land, in which all living things cling to life. And the sky becomes magnificently huge, without lights to damage nature’s beauty, she even sometimes shows us the colors of aurora borealis.  This is where I met her.

As we go into the store/post office/coffee shop/bait and tackle/laundromat for directions, I can see that we stand out. But the people are accepting of that, and we are as well.  The campgrounds are just down the road, take a left at the fork. They are newly built, along with the permanent highway that recently replaced the ice-road.  The outhouses still smell of paint, a pleasant surprise, especially in the July heat. We set up our temporary living quarters, noting no one else is around. The sounds of insects and dogs follow us into sleep.

The following morning, a local man, dressed in an official parks department shirt, a pair of crisp jeans and work boots, stops by to teach us about our new, if temporary home.  We introduce ourselves.

“Call me Charlie,” he tells us, tilting his head in a slight nod. “You’re the first visitors since the road got built. Lets see…..what do ya need to know….?”  He looks down, scratching his temple, before looking back in our direction. “You can swim down that way, off the dock,” Charlie tilts his head in the direction of a wide path through the trees two sites down from the one we have chosen. “I’ll pick up garbage every two days, but you need to take it down there,” he turns his whole body, so we can see the cans at the end of the row and thrusts his head in their direction, in lieu of pointing, “So the bears and other critters don't come too close.”

I am sure my eyes get wide as he says this, but it reminds me of a question,“Were those wolves or dogs barking last night?”

Charlie’s face lights up, either amusement or fondness, “Dogs, mostly.  Old timers put the sled teams on a few islands.  Stay out there, too, sometimes.  Keeps ‘em safe from wolves and bears. They sure do make a racket at night,” he chuckles.

“Here,” he says, walking towards the outhouse, quick movement of his head telling us to follow.  The telephone pole beside the basic toilet has a grey box attached. Charlie opens the metal cover, revealing a telephone inside, “It’s the emergency phone.  Goes to my cabin.”

“The store has pay showers,” he continues, gaining momentum, “Need quarters, but they'll sell ‘em to ya. Might wanna bring a few cleaning supplies, to use before, just in case.”

During our stay, we notice that people frequently drive around the single loop that comprises the camp area, before turning down the other fork in the road. One day when Charlie comes by to say hello and pick up the garbage, we ask him about it.

He tells us there are two things down the road.  People still get water from the crystal clear lake down there, even though they have been told it contains bacteria and a water system has been built.

“And berry picking. Lowbush,” he clarifies. “Pick what you want.  It's early; not as many people will be out, ‘cause they are sour. Sometimes bears come around. Drop your berries and back up.  Those lazy devils will chase you for ‘em. They don't come this close to town much, but berries are tempting.”

Blueberries are one of the first plants to repopulate after a wildfire. There was one many years ago, but since the earth is shallow and things grow slowly, these bushes have been bountiful for more than a decade.

That evening after supper, we slather on the sun screen, since it will be daylight for hours yet. We drive the car a few miles down a washboard dirt road until we reach a place where there are no trees, just grass and bushes.  The berries hang from the branches, as thick as grapes, though not nearly as big.  Many are still green, but on the tops of the bushes, where the sun hits first, they are a rich purple blue colour.  When I taste one, the flavour tart and sweet and so strong, bursts in my mouth.  We begin picking in earnest, spreading out to give ourselves space.

Sometimes we call to each other, to make sure we have not become lost or wandered too far.  We are convinced all the noise we are making will keep the wild things who are sharing this forest with us away.

Greener pastures, or in this case, bluer berries, draws us in different directions, lengthening the distance between us.  I look up and meet eyes peering out at me from the edge of the forest. The steep angle of the sun in this part of the country, means it's rays are both casting very long shadows and getting in my eyes.  I take a few steps forward, to get a clearer look, out of the harsh rays.  She does as well.

We meet in the clearing, a bare ten feet between us, regarding each other with wary interest. Her gaze is unwavering, I can feel her seeing me. I have a moment of clarity.  While this does not look like any wolf I have seen, with her smooth white coat; she is much larger than any dog and is probably a wild animal.

Charlie told us what to do in the case of bears, but not wild dogs.  So I stare in awe, as my mind freezes under her scrutiny. After a few brief moments that seem to defy time, as I understand it, she lowers her head and chest towards the ground, then gives a short bark, before leaving in the direction from which she came.

I, too, run the way I came, relating my tale. We decide it might be wise to pack it in for the day, rather than risk further contact with the local fauna.  We feast on berries and cream that night before falling into a deep sleep, both tired from the day's adventures and sated from the treat.

Charlie stops in the next day, to pick up garbage.  He likes to talk, as do we.

“Weather’s going to turn cool, and the berries are ripe, good picking,” he says, tipping his head towards the fork that leads to where the roads splits.  Our neighborhood will be busy.  “Most people’re friendly, but call me if you have any problems.”

Charlie’s warning spurs me to ask him about my encounter.

I ask, “Do the dogs and wolves ever mix?”

"Sometimes, but we try to put those ones down, mess with the balance. Why?”

I explain my encounter: “She was too big to be a dog, I think, and not the color of any wolf I have ever seen. She stood and watched me for a long time, in the clearing.  Didn’t seems afraid, just sort of bowed her chest and walked away.” Thinking I did not relate the feeling or the story very well, I look to Charlie.

He regards me silently, eyes meeting mine, the look on his face indecipherable.  He responds simply: “mahihkaniwiw” - she is wolf.

Author's Note

All constructive feedback welcome.

This is a pretty significant rewrite from the first version posted, although the story itself is the same. Hopefully more showing, less telling makes the story more alive.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Your story is very delightful & not too long at all. Just the right length. Your descriptions are full of vivid details & it's easy to visualize everything as we read along. It's almost like taking a vacation myself, you've done such a good job of letting us get to know this area, not just the sights, but also the people, the fauna, the activities, etc. There are a number of tiny spelling issues & such, but nothing too distracting.

[Shannon]

Thank you very much for the kind review. I am glad the descriptive language lands well for people. The place is real, and so different from what most people have experienced, I thought the details help one know that place.
I swear I am an excellent proof reader - of other people's work!

[Schatzi]

Hello S. Mi,

I took some notes as I read:

As you travel north... *This is a sentence fragment and not a good way to begin your story if you wish to engage the reader.

The concept of time starts to flex, with days stretching to unheard of lengths in the summer and shrinking to scraps of [mid-day] sunlight in the winter.

It is a place where people stop desperately trying to beat time into submission [the comma is not necessary here] but accept its passing as inevitable.

Where even the ground becomes smaller, reduced to a few bare inches of soil covering a rocky shield over the land, in which all living things cling to life. *This sentence includes an incomplete comparison. Consider rewriting it to complete the comparison.

They are newly built, along with the permanent highway that recently replaced the [ice road].

He tells us there are two things down the road. *Tells is a repetitive word here

People still get water from the crystal clear lake down there, even though they have been told it contains bacteria and a water system has been built. *been built is in a passive voice

Charlie says we are welcome to pick what we need and warns us the early berries are more tart, so not many people will be out picking. *This is another incomplete comparison

If a bear comes, drop your berries, and back up. *berries is a repetitive word

That evening after supper, we slather on the [sunscreen], since it will be daylight for hours yet.

We drive the car a few miles down a [washboard] dirt road until we reach a place where there are no trees, just grass[,] and bushes.

Many are still green, but on the tops of the bushes, where the sun hits first, they are a rich [purple-blue] colour.

When I taste one, the flavour tart and sweet and so [strong- strong is a commonly overused word, consider using intense or sharp instead], bursts in my mouth.

We [are convinced- this is written in a passive voice, consider rewriting it] all the noise we are making will keep the wild things, who are sharing this forest with us, away.

While this does not look like any wolf I have seen, with her white smooth coat; she is much larger than any dog and is probably a wild animal.

So I [simply- simply is another commonly overused word, consider only instead] stare in awe.

After a few brief moments that seemed to carry on forever, she lowers her head and chest towards the ground, then turns and leaves in the direction she [came from- ending a sentence with a preposition could make your reader unhappy, consider revising if this may be the case].

We feast on berries and cream that night before falling into a deep sleep, both tired from the days’ adventures and [sated- sated may not be the best word here, consider satisfied instead] from the [exquisite- exquisite is another overused word, consider lovely instead] treat.

He likes to talk[,] and so do we, so he has started joining us for coffee.

He [sometimes says], then asks why.

Personally, I don't think your story is too long. It is entertaining and interesting.

Thank you for sharing!

Kind regards,

Schatzi

[Shannon]

Thank you very much Schatzi, for the time and effort you have put into this review. I will definitely make some of the changes that you have suggested. Others might be intentional stylistic choices (fragments and incomplete comparisons sometimes are) . But regardless I value your feedback enormously, as it will help me grow as a writer!

[Schatzi]

These are merely suggestions. Feel free to use or discard any of them as you wish. :)

[emmajoy]

When reviewers take so much notice of the technicalities of a piece of writing, I wonder if they actually understand its writer's core intention?! The only reference to the above reviewer's true emotional reaction was a few quite dismissive words, ' Personally, I don't think your story is too long. It is entertaining and interesting.'

[Schatzi]

One can understand the writer's intention, as well as, offer constructive feedback. They are not mutually exclusive. I simply noted a few grammatical issues and made a few suggestions. In no way, is the writer obligated to adhere to any suggestion given, but as writers we all wish to improve, therefore, said feedback is necessary, especially when the writer is requesting such feedback.

[Lyn Anderson]

The funniest part for me is the description of the general store. There are many places like that in Northern Ontario -- where you can get your SEARS order, lottery tickets, booze, mail, coffee, and pizza, all in one place. I like it. I do notice some punctuation issues. Watch your restrictive and non-restrictive clauses for proper punctuation placement.:) I noticed ice road is not separated, other than that, you must have corrected any spelling issues.

[Shannon]

Thank you kl. Always appreciate the feedback. Glad the store rang true. Somethings are so Canadian I think.
Punctuation is apparently my Achilles heel. Thanks for the reminder.

[Jacob Mahurien]

Your transitions from one point of view to another is very seamless. Not very many people can do that very well. I also like the sort of, how do you say, familiar tone you take during the piece: it gives it a lot more life, as if you're listening in to a story between two people, or an internal monologue of sorts.

[Shannon]

Thank you very much. That is a very apt description of my difficult to pin down writing style. In some of these pieces the place is almost a primary character.
I appreciate the read and the review, thanks for stopping by!

[emmajoy]

As a Brit i found this beautifully fascinating and interesting! Your actual phrasing and vocabulary is great, the piece isn't over long - thank goodness, because if it was, would have been more a travel report than a descriptive piece.

You've near lured me with your descriptions, displayed the terrain and given it colour, dimensions and heart. You've introduced the locals so graphically and the way the tourists/visitors appear then leave.. and in all, make the area homely yet full of life.

' Greener pastures, or in this case, bluer berries, draw me further away from my companion. I look up and meet eyes peering out at me from the edge of the forest. The steep angle of the sun means it is both casting very long shadows and getting in my eyes. I take a few steps forward, to get a clearer look, out of the harsh rays. She does as well. '... Beautifully put and continues the same.

Now I want to read your post a third time, then on Monday, book my plane ticket!

[Shannon]

Thank you so much. I especially appreciate you mentioning the description. Yes it is based on a real place, if romanticized. It is a long journey from anywhere, especially Great Britain. But you would find the space amazing, I think.

[emmajoy]

I know I would.. and it's thank to you. Dawned on me after leaving my review that you've covered so much of what your area holds but so discretely, it's a kind, kind lure!

[Shannon]

This is 100s of km North of anywhere i have lived. Beautiful places to visit, hard to live there. Thank you for the feedback. Going to send a read request, if you accept them, which will explain why your type of review is so powerful for me.

[emmajoy]

Please do. Might you accept a Friend invitation? .

[VALORMORE DE PLUME]

I enjoyed this short story and the commune with nature. I like the reference to- yielding to the length of day and adapting to nature's whim, as her treasure unfurls anew each day and season. Living far south now, it is a delight to recall times in the far north. Your writing voice lends well to the idyllic harmony portrayed in this, presumably, vacation setting.

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

You got great imagery in your story! I didn't think it was too long. Nice work!

[Shannon]

Thank you very much for your feedback. Appreciate the read and review.

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

You're most welcome.

[Jacob Clifford]

I think the balance of this story is just fine. I like the style of narration. It strikes me as not proper first person but as a person's thought process, which makes it interesting to read.

[Shannon]

Thank you. Sorry for the late reply. I think in this piece the first person is a bit off because the main character is actually the place.

[Selena D. Harper]

So beautiful now ya proving that ya truly a nature fanatic. What great use of visual descriptions I personally feel this a beautiful combination of both imagination and real life, not sure Lol. Great entertaining story for a new reader like me.

[Shannon]

Happy to hear that you enjoyed it.. Not sure I will ever write anything as...apt as that first paragraph.

[Howling_Wolf]

Such a beautifully written story; it makes me feel like I was there. Well done!

Is this a true story ,or did you made this up? If this is made up; what inspired you to write it? I look forward for your next story.

[Shannon]

Thanks for stopping by to read, howling wolf. Parts are really, parts made up. I used a story prompt from a friend 😉