Long and Short of It

My friend Jill is going to one of those hair styling colleges and has been eyeing my long locks since she started. A big transformation at her mid year show would give her grades a boost and get the attention of the best teachers. And hadn't I always planned to donate some of it anyway?

Jill was quite convincing when she ticked off the numerous advantages I would gain by cutting my hair. To my chagrin, her list needs a series of provisos. I will give you the real scoop:

“Your head will feel so much lighter.”

The way she said this, I assumed it would be akin to a Sherpa dropping his pack at the top of a mountain, burden released, relief palpable.  Reality is, your brain will adjust to the change very rapidly.  So while you might have a day or two of “hmmm…feels lighter”, you will soon stop noticing.

This short transition; however, leads to phantom hair syndrome, whereby you continue to behave as though you have long, flowing locks in your daily life.  Imagine the confusion of people, as you lift your non-existent tresses from the back of your coat or toss your head sideways to remove an invisible lock of hair from your face, giving the impression that you have developed a nervous twitch…

“It will be easier to take care of.”

Yes and no.  Short hair does not tangle so easily, so brushing will be a breeze.  It dries in less time.  But for some reason, even though your brain will get the message that all that hair was no longer part of your makeup, apparently, it fails to convey this message to your scalp.  Specifically, the oil-making parts of the scalp, which will think you still need enough oil to keep an extra 14 inches of hair healthy and shiny.  So, despite requiring washing only every second day for the last decade or more, suddenly this will no longer be sufficient to avoid looking like an outdoor enthusiast after a week of backpacking in the cold mountains.

All of this washing, of course, leads to…weird hair shapes.  Hair that is slept on while damp will take on the shape it has dried in.  Long hair will kinda weigh itself down and lie flat because, well, because of gravity.  Shorter hair can maintain all kinds of interesting sculptural shapes for hours on end. 

“You will save lots of money.”

This will be positively true - eventually.  Her theory here seemed to involve less shampoo, conditioner and styling products.  This may have been failing to take into account the fact that manufacturers have created a whole different set of styling products for the new, shorter ‘do, that you simply must invest in.

In regards to cleaning, let’s refer back to the above paragraph.  Your hair will demand to be washed more often.  “But wait, won’t it take way less shampoo?” you ask.  Well it might, but that treacherous brain also may forget to tell your hands that you have less hair.

So invariably, you'll pour enough for the missing length to be suitably clean, then realize your error.  This leaves two rather unappealing options.  You could simply rinse most of it down the drain.  But this feels wasteful (never mind that the shower is running the entire time you're considering your options).  That leaves the second option: trying to coax some of the excess back into the bottle.  Shampoo makers are wise to this idea, so they manufacture the bottles with tiny openings, making it near impossible to add, or in this case, return, anything to the bottle.  So by using a combination of gravity, negative pressure and holding your mouth just right, you might attempt to return the superfluous portion to the bottle.  Only to wash it all down the drain.

“You will feel so good after you donate it”

This was a tough one.  People will ask if you donated it.  You will let a few people know that you had done so.  Suddenly, people will be canonizing you and your glorious sacrifice.  They might explain why they could never manage such a feat, as though you've solved the mysteries of the universe or negotiated world peace, rather than simply washed, brushed and styled some extra hair for a while.  You will know you merely allowed your hair to do what hair does " grow. All this praise can be a little embarrassing and you will begin to wonder if you should tell people.

Then it will start to happen. A few of them confide what such a gift, once meant (or would have meant) to someone close to them.  They will tell you how that person had fought a disease and the outcome.  Or tell you about their own fight.  And you will feel simultaneously very proud and very small.  Proud that such a gift could have such an impact.  And small in the face of those who had battled those diseases…and won…or lost. And you will think “It may be time to start growing my hair again…”

Author's Note

Does the first person narrator/second person reader make sense? Any glitches that I have missed as I have messed with it so often? Of course all constructive feedback always welcome.
Special thank you to the Café writer who helped me turn some ramblings into a story!

Reviews

[Jon Roggie]

I like the question/answer feeling. As far as the donations, I never have managed to make it that far. Job usually prevented it. I do know it is appreciated. Just look into who you donate your hair to.

[Shannon]

Thanks for the review. Funny how the gender thing still plays such a large role in what acceptable to do with our own bodies. Oh, yes. I looked hard for a true, free non profit to donate to.

[Jon Roggie]

I usually cook for a living. As long as we keep it contained, most places we can get away with it. A friend's wife compared us to pirates. Scars, foul words, drinking, and tattoos. Well, no tattoos.

[Shannon]

Lol. Nothing wrong with tattoos. And I hear you, sometimes more trouble than its worth..

[Lyn Anderson]

It seems to read very well. If there are any errors they are not big or noticeable ones. I like the way it is structured, although it is a totally foreign subject to me, having had short hair since I was ten. I grew it out once to a shoulder length bob cut -- to get married a second time -- and we all know how that turned out. For me, short hair is more a question of style and face shape, and if you are comfortable a certain way. I once had a man say I should grow my hair long. I dumped him. If he wanted me to alter my personality, he wasn't worth my time. Your hair is yours, and whether you cut it or not, is not as simple as people might think. p.s. short hair is tonnes of work to keep nice -- and expensive as heck to cut. That should never be a reason to cut your hair.

[Shannon]

None of them are good reasons, actually. I had grown it longer, intending to donate. The piece was based on some of the stuff people said to me after.
Thanks for the read and review.

[Lyn Anderson]

You are right. It's like losing weight, or anything else we do to improve and or change ourselves -- it has to come from the person themselves and not external factors.

[Shannon]

Absolutely!

[Ana Papaya]

I loved this! So much fun and I can relate to a lot of it. :)
Some good arguments here.

[Shannon]

Thanks Papaya.

[Ana Papaya]

You're welcome. :)

[Kaliope]

Ha, that was a fun read. Regarding your question: I don't see any problems with the perspective. Grammar-wise I might have spotted one or two punctuation errors, but I'm really not an authority on that ;-)

Just one question - not a criticism, mind you, just genuinely wondering - donating hair is something you get praise for? That's totally baffling me, never heard of that. Even the act of donating hair is extremely rare in my country, probably because we native North-/Central-Europeans aren't usually blessed with thick and plentiful hair. For the record: I'm totally jealous now ;-)

[Shannon]

Thanks for reading. I am sort of terrible at punctuation.
Yes, donating hair here is just common enough for people to ask when you cut it Dramatically, but unusual enough for people to be impressed.

[Stan Lee]

It works well S.Mi. The plot twist where it all starts again was marvelous. Perhaps the funniest things are like this, every day life that we can all relate to and laugh at. The Sherpa - laughed loudly. Getting shampoo back into the bottle - laughed louder. The interesting sculptural shapes - laughed loudest of all. Very enjoyable story S.Mi. Thank you for sharing. :)

[Shannon]

Thank you so much Andronicus. This one took so much to whip into a postable piece (Woody may have helped). I am relieved it is funny outside my own head. And i really was expecting the released burden, like a sherpa!

[barleygirl]

This is the best thing I've read of yours so far! I mean, this is delightful, funny, spot-on realistic, & oh-so-playful! My mom was a hairdresser for 50+ years & I used to sit in her beauty shop after school as a little girl, waiting for her to finish & then we could drive home together, so I got very attached to all the "business" of hair styling. Also, I have hair to my waist, so I totally get many of your hilarious explanations as to our behavior regarding hair. The one that made me laugh out loud is the part about our scalps generating enuf oil for a much longer mane! Also, flipping phantom hair after cutting it. My hair is so heavy sometimes it hurts my scalp, but it would be hard to cut it now (doesn't grow very fast & it took years to get this long). Anyhow, your message is creative & imaginative & I could almost HEAR you talking, it's so friendly & conversational sounding. I can't believe how many times I got a sharp wave of recognition as you artfully describe so many ways of hair business, including your friend's desire to get her hands on your long mane. Your descriptions are almost over the top, while also being very realistic & true. This is a great first-person essay.

[Shannon]

Thank you so much barleygirl. This one gave me so many headaches. I am so thrilled that you enjoyed it, and that it's relatable.
Your hair sounds gorgeous, by the way.

[Inject Positivity]

Very witty and clever S... What I love about this write is that it is packed with cleverness... Your frnd's beneficial list of having short hair is very interesting and thoughtful but I am more amazed by the elaboration you have made of those each benefits... In the first one where you said, "it would be akin to a sherpa dropping his pack at the top of a mountain" was an excellent example to portray the concept of "your head will feel so much lighter"... The most lovely one was the paragraph or the concept of "you will feel so good after you donate it"...

I never had long hair, but through your witty and thoughtful write I got the feel of it and quite happy to have the short hair... This is absolutely so different kind of write from you S, I love it, I love the presentation of this write... Superb... Clever titling too, keeping the reader interested throughout without giving out anything at first...

Sincerely
Dhiman

[Shannon]

Thank you for reading and so thoughtfully reviewing. That line you pulled out was where this story started for me.

[Jacob Clifford]

It seems to me that you're stressing this story too much. I didn't have any problems reading through it, and wouldn't have thought any ill of the format had I not read the author's note.

As someone who used to have (and greatly misses) long hair (it was down to my lower chest), I can relate to all the point made here. I was expecting a much more dynamic change, but I got used to shorter hair very quickly.

Side note: I think the title is very clever. I have an unhealthy obsessions with witty/double-meaning titles but can't think of many myself.

[Shannon]

Thanks, Clifford. maybe I looked at it too long. It started to a humorous letter on Facebook, when everyone kept asking me about the haircut...so I wasn't sure the rework was working. I might soften the tone of my author's note.

[Shannon]

Oh, and the side not, seems like the clever titles just come al at once or not at all.....
Thanks so much for stopping by to read.