Screams

Sometimes they're all I can hear

It starts as a whisper, 

A murmur in the back of my mind, 

Slowly creeping in and taking over, 

Consuming my thoughts 

Until I am unable to focus on anything else. 

The whispers turn to screams 

Pointing out my every flaw, inadequacy, and weakness, 

Scrutinizing my every move 

And tearing me apart, bit by bit, 

Until I am left raw and bleeding, 

Broken on the floor. 

You're weak, 

You're stupid, 

You're worthless, 

Why did you do that? 

Why did you say that? 

Why are you like this? 

Why can't you be normal? 

They all hate you, 

They all laugh at you,  

They can't stand you. 

I slam my fist against the wall, again and again, 

Wishing with every blow that I could stop the mocking, 

The whispers and screams. 

I cry out as loud as I can, 

As if it makes a difference, 

As if I could scream loud enough 

To drown out the voices in my head, 

The incessant screaming, 

Pointing out every last flaw 

Until I want nothing more than to curl up and die, 

Turning my insecurities to insults,

My self-consciousness to self-loathing.

And in the end I am left with only self-inflicted bruises and self-hatred, 

Left alone with my abusive mind and anxious thoughts.