Roll with the Punches

Roll with the Punches

 

Tossing, turning...

Because I don’t feel you here.

I’m so tired

I can’t even sleep.

 

Shuffling and flicking through all the melodies

I don’t want to hear;

All of the dampened words

To find how I feel.

 

But still mourning comes...

And that smile is expected on my face.

That lowered but curved frown

As he walks past.

 

And my mouth tastes so thick

As all of these words go forever ignored "

Not unheard.

My stomach lurches

 

As a punch of tears

Knocks me

Down.

But that’s what fighters do "

 

Roll with the punches.

I think I’ve been kicked to the

                              Side

In the aftermath of havoc.

 

You see it all passed me...

But the screams, the cries

Still ring in my ears.

I even ignore myself.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

really like the metaphor here..."the punch of tears" is terrific stuff...i like the play on "mourning"

the words ignored not unheard..which is worse than not being heard it think...

and the ending when at last we end up ignoring ourselves...being taken for granted is not a good thing...

i really think this poem is strong..i have only one suggestion..i would get rid of the description and let the reader gauge the poem for what he or she sees...the feeling will come across very strongly without that ...it steers us a bit too much, i think.

jacob

[SamanthaSweeney]

Thank you Jacob ! Again your suggestions are gold dust! I have adopted your suggestions, I like this idea of it being mysterious, and really allowing others to let the words create different interpretations :)

Your comments are true and what I intented :D Good to hear! Thank you :)

[Del]

Short Stuff, you know I will ALWAYS be in your corner. I can coach you ro 'bob and weave' but I think you will teach me about writing!. This piece is up there with the soldier poems we read last week. It grabbed me the same way.

Like you this is a stong poem!, keep it up

D
x

[icelandicblue]

I love the concept of "a punch of tears." I also loved your spelling of mourning- using it to infer "morning" but that because you are back to reality you are back to "mourning." The ending was absolutely phenomenal:

You see it all passed me...
But the screams, the cries
Still ring in my ears.
I even ignore myself.

I am really happy that I read this.

[plainme]

interesting piece you bring here, I like the words you use in this. ''punch of tears'', yes, that's what I like! Combinations that together make your head swerve.. It's all so easily identifiable, the feelings one has after an amorous tragedy. The last lines are the knock out punch. Boom, there goes the bomb. Well done, wonderful flow. Keep up the good work!

[SamanthaSweeney]

Thank you friend for that amazing review !
I like to use words that will tangle the mind slightly, I'm very glad you enjoyed :)

[plainme]

I enjoyed reading this a lot, keep them tangles up!

[SamanthaSweeney]

I shall indeedy ! :D