With you...

Love everywhere.

When we are together,
the stars shine brighter than ever.
Moonlight seems to be so soothing,
I wanna be in you arms forever...

I can hear your voice everywhere,
Like the air it surrounds me.
With every breathe I take in,
You're in my heart, it reminds me...

Whenever I look at the sky,
I can see your eyes so blue.
Constantly looking at me,
I can feel you, it's true...

Living with you forever,
that's what I want to do.
I want to love you all my life,
I Wanna grow old with you...

Author's Note

Review it please.

Reviews

[AprilRN1210]

very sweet, heartfelt piece... can feel the emotion dripping from each line.. it highlights those dreams, those wishes, and the depth of that affection... overall, nicely done..

a few suggestions... (just my opinion)

(the stars shine brighter than ever.)... would leave out "the"... flows better...

(Moonlight seems to be so soothing,)... it is ok like this.. but would maybe add more word play and imagery... something like... (moonlight beams seem so soothing)... again..just my opinion

(Living with you forever,
that's what I want to do.
I want to love you all my life,
I Wanna grow old with you...).... you said I want three times here.. would switch it up a little.. reword it.. maybe someathing like...

(Living with you forever
that's what I want to do
loving you all of my life
me-growing old with you.)

[Sanjh]

Thank you so much April, I'm glad you liked it. And thank you again for the wonderful suggestions, they are fitting in perfectly...:)

[AprilRN1210]

you're more than welcome my friend.. glad I could help.

[Misha]

Love is magical experience that can`t be described in words however i take my words back as you succeeded in this art

[Sanjh]

Thanks for appreciating Misha...:)

[Shitsune Hyuuga]

Sweet very sweet and truly from the heart.

[Sanjh]

Thank you Shitsune...:)

[Noor.92]

i think it seems like a sweet way of confessing your love to someone.. Enjoyable...

[Sanjh]

Thank you Noor...:)

[R Smith]

very happy and joyous poem Sanjh, a celebration of your love, well written :)

[Sanjh]

My love...lol...
Thank you for the kind words Sir...:)

[M.A.Rathore]

So soft is the matter of your poem that I have forgotten what remains after you have gotten your true love....When we are in love all the natural surrounding seem us laughing with us , making marry with us abd if we are in sad moon she weeps for us also...What a wonderful temperament of nature and man!
I love the setting of the whole poem. So to have a more reading quating here again...

When we are together,
the stars shine brighter than ever.
Moonlight seems to be so soothing,
I wanna be in you arms forever...

I can hear your voice everywhere,
Like the air it surrounds me.
With every breathe I take in,
You're in my heart, it reminds me...

Whenever I look at the sky,
I can see your eyes so blue.
Constantly looking at me,
I can feel you, it's true...

Living with you forever,
that's what I want to do.
I want to love you all my life,
I Wanna grow old with you...

Discard spoken short forms in poetic writings...

[Sanjh]

Thank you again Sir, I'm glad you liked it. and thanks for the advice, it's really helpful...:)

[M.A.Rathore]

Welcome always Sanjh..Do review some of mine and suggest ..

[MomzillaNC]

A beautiful love poem… a pledge.

[Sanjh]

Yes, a pledge for life...thanks for reading...:)

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome.

[Surya pradha]

very well written, this piece. you seem to be talking from personal experience....

[Sanjh]

Yes bro, the experience is personal but her eyes are brown...:p
Thanks for reading...:)

[Confuser]

It is beautiful. That girl with her blue eyes. thank you again.

[Sanjh]

Thanks to you, I'm glad you liked it...:)

[Confuser]

.......Y/W

[Pushkar Prabhat]

Beautifully expressed........
written with passion!!
lovely poem!!
i loved it!!!
:)

[Sanjh]

Thank you so much for reading Sir...:)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

drop the 'sir' mate...........you are welcome!!:):)

[Sanjh]

As you say brother...:)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

yo bro...........!!!