Facing Reality

Just another short story. Gotta love that teenage angst! Wrote this one for a small forum writing contest in the summer of 2013. The theme was "A Fatal Mistake," hence the anticlimactic ending.

He was too old for playgrounds. The creaking of the town park’s rusted swings reminded Ryan Barns of this reality as he settled into their cracked leather. However, tonight he was indifferent to society’s conviction of what a four-year honor roll student, fresh out of high school, should be doing on a Friday night. Gang activity was prominent in this part of town and he reasoned that anyone who saw him there would likely lump him in with the unseemly crowd that hovered around the area every afternoon. This couldn’t have been farther from the truth, but he had more important matters to deal with. 

The action of driving to the playground had been instinctual for Ryan after getting the call from Angela that could change his life. They had been dating for two years and he had told her that he loved her on more than one occasion, but now the thought of their relationship made him shudder. Of all the people, why had this happened to him? Of all the opportunities, why was his the one that had to go to waste? Handsome, intelligent, charismatic, athletic; his reputation preceded him. Hell, he would have been leaving for Princeton with a basketball scholarship the next day. How could he have made such a careless mistake?

His mind flashed back to the moment. Prom. They were all drunk that night, but the alcohol they had consumed before arriving at the hotel wasn’t what made this night different; it was their sudden intoxication with life. Anyone who knew them would have said their futures were bright, but it was this brightness that clouded their vision, impairing all logic and conscience. The power they gained through the praises which graced them with ease spawned the ego of a god. They were teenagers; likewise, their bodies moved of their own accord. It would be irrational to be mad at her; she had asked if he was ready. He couldn’t blame anyone but himself for focusing solely on the future. He had forgotten the potency of man’s two most powerful drugs: freedom and pride. Even so, it was this knowledge that kindled his hatred for her now. The madness had become a whirling fire in his mind, fueled by the incessant sensation that he wasn’t the intelligent honor roll student he had worked so hard to become. He knew what Angela expected of him, but what she expected was much more than he could ever offer her. To stay home, to get a minimum wage job working nine to five, to eventually marry her, support her, support their dysfunctional family of three. He wasn’t self-centered, he assured himself. He was simply following the dream that he had spent half his life working for. His parents expected no less; God only knows what they had sacrificed to give him this opportunity they never had. Ryan rose from the swing. Stumbling over to the see-saw he had cherished as a child, he stepped up on one end and slowly made his way to the other. How hard it had been to balance out both sides when he was younger. When he was at the park alone, he had gathered rocks from nearby and put them on the other end to balance out the side he was on. But the rocks were never heavy enough. The side he wasn’t on, no matter how heavily he weighed it down, would never be equal. This truth was no different ten years later; rather, it would only be harder, now that he was older, to weigh both sides equally. As he shifted his weight towards the opposite end of the see-saw, the side he had been on hit the earth with a thud. He had reached his resolution; there was nothing to consider. He would leave tonight, relying upon the narrow roads of New Jersey to lead him to his salvation. He liked this road. It had no detours or exits, no option of backing down for miles after one had made the decision to travel down it. This was a dangerous road to accidentally wander down, Ryan concluded, but in that moment, he had been sure he’d made the right decision. It wasn’t until he realized the consequences of leaving a child he had never met, that the fire within him began to die out. 

It wasn’t until he considered that two people could balance a see-saw together, could make it work if only the love that weighed on their hearts was strong enough, that he became the accidental wanderer down an unswayable path. It wasn’t until he realized that he could never push a child on the swings again without thinking of the one he left behind in his egotistical climb to the top, that he knew he would have to add another adjective to his long list of defining characteristics. Was his future worth it anymore? For once in his life, Ryan was unsure. However, he knew what he could be sure of. As he immersed himself deeper down the darkened path, a tug at his conscience caused him to wonder whether it was too late to correct this fatal mistake.