Aura On The Edge

Rhyme, nature, life

Out next to the weeping willow

The half-full moon still shines

Amazingly the glow gets brighter

As the sun on the horizon rise

 

But the sun earlier was shrouded

Obsure because of the fog and mist

The birds didn't seem to mind for

Their chirping was shrill and brisk

 

The sun rises over the horizon

In a fireball of red-red this day

When it appears things seem

To speed on their way today

 

The light on the moon is now

Brighter with a silvery glow

There's an aura of light

On the edge that reveals

 

It is time to now go

Not just for the moon

But also for me to leave

For duty calls...responsibility

 

 

Author's Note

Out on the porch to commune with nature before facing the duties of the day...

Reviews

[Ruth]

Wow, nature, gotta love the beauty of her! lol This is amazing imagery friend:) xx

[ettorney]

Oh to have a big porch facing east to see the sunrise. This poem brings forth some beautiful imagery. I really enjoyed reading it.

[Charles]

This is a nice peaceful poem, a reflection on a time we get to see too seldom - the moon and sun in the sky together at sunrise. There doesn't seem to be a particular meter to the various lines and no real rhyming scheme, which are perfectly fine attributes for poems of this sort. I wonder, then, why the line 'it is time to now go' is inverted (now and go reversed from what their usual order might be). There is an inconsistency (sun 'rise' instead of 'rises' in line 4, and the repetition of ''day' as in 'day' and 'today' in the third stanza) is distracting. I agree that the word 'responsibility' is somewhat jarring as well. None of this detracts from the very nice effort you've made here, though. :-)

[just rose.]

i like this all the way to the word responsibility, which trips me up because it has so many syllables. i think you could totally end on it for duty calls, and the soft rhythm of the moment is maintained, even with the ellipsis, which might suggest a kind of soft entrance to the day. unless you were trying to suggest the sort of jagged entry into the structure of the day? the title is so gorgeous, but maybe title it responsibility and have "aura on the edge" somewhere in the poem? that image is incredibly evocative.

i don't mean the above to be critical - i think you've produced a very vivid piece (i nearly wrote peace, because that's what this makes me feel() about a very special and intimate time of day - just my response as a reader going along with the mood of the poem. well done sunflower!