Crafted Cage

Don't we all wish we had a place away from the world.

I've crafted a cage just for me

Full of darkness and unwanted thoughts

Away from the humans I hate
Once the bars were perfect,
sliver interwoven with care
But ages have passed
My cage now is crafted with rusty bars
It's old and ready to crumble

Pity is my new best friend

I'm safe from the looks

But never the words

My cage is just for me

It keeps me sane

And yet I can't help but think

It slowly kills my soul
My cage is ice cold
and locks me from humanity

I want to come back

But know you will kill me
My death would be bloody
but at least I would be home

So what is a girl to do

But write, read, and sing

It all away

In the safety of my crafted cage
Away from your golden eyed stare

Author's Note

Please tell me what you think.

Reviews

[lalacom]

The beginning is very powerful, written straight from the heart with a touch of witty cynicism. However the three lines before the end somewhat waver the anger and the power of the declaration you made at the beginning. Somehow the honesty of some of the sentences reduce the beauty of the more veiled ones. Keep writing!

[...]

Probably my hidden place will be somewhere in nature in between moors and sea waves. In your place I will be not feel happy . But I can understand why you chose the cage. Nobody can get it ,nobody can make harm .-You are safe from.outside of the world but slavery isolated. Your poem.have strong atmosphere and great flow above it all its great poem.

[Lyana]

Only one thing that I want more from this poem: description. Describe the humans you hate, describe the bars of the cage. Is it big? Is it small?

[Sarah W. French]

I've added a bit of description...

[Lyana]

I love it!

[Sarah W. French]

Yay! I'm glad because I've had this up for so long it was a bit hard to change it. I'm glad I did though.

[Buzz_Reynolds]

Definitely a great start of writing!It was very powerful, but the vibe changed a bit at the end, there is nothing wrong with that though especially if it is what you were going for, when you write remember it is yours and no matter what no one can take it from you! keep up the great work!

[Lemontine]

I can really relate to this! I loved how you used the image of a cage and Said how you felt safe, yet you knew it was killing you.

[TonyJay]

Nice emotion, felt that you lightened up a bit towards the end. KEEP YOUR STRONG EMOTIONS GIRL!

[....]

Such a powerful, emotional piece, tugs at the heart. Like it thought it was very well written....xo