Midnight

A free write journal on what it is like to be outside in the peak of darkness. My thoughts on paper.

Black, silent, darkness. There are no streetlights on my road. I see two houses with a light on, though it is far in the distance and doesn't really effect the peace here. Where does the moon hide? It's bright enough that I can see where I step, the sun can not be shunning the moon tonight. I carefully tip-toe down the steps of my deck, hearing light taps or my shoes. I hold on the the railing, cool and damp. The light breeze sends shivers down my spine. Living so high up, the air is cold all year, even in the summer. I'm guessing perhaps 40-50 degrees. I clutch my soft sweater. It is not warm, the midnight atmosphere has frozen it.

Tap. Tap. Tap. I reach the bottom of my steps and walk slowly to my driveway, in search of the moon. My fingers are numbing, I feel the tips of my ears to find them numb as well. I stop for a moment, taking in my surroundings, closing my eyes. I hear nothing but my breath. In and out, in and out… Sometimes when the rhythm of my breath gets my attention, it's hard not to focus on it. I control what used to be involuntary. Slower, faster. Deeper, lighter. Through my mouth, through my nose. Am I the only one who does this? I shake my head, and try to breathe normally. I hear the pounding of my head, I feel my heart beat. I take a deep breath of air, it tastes crisp. My tongue is shocked by the coolness of it, like putting ice cubes in my mouth. I take a breath through my nose. I smell pine, dirt. Am I the only thing living here? The only being awake? I hear nothing more than myself.

A breeze picks up and rushes through the Norfolk Pines. I quickly open my eyes, and look around me, frantically. Okay, I will admit, I am a little afraid of the dark. I think again and again "There is nothing and no one out here. No one is watching me. No one is going to get me. Do not run. Do not run. Do not run." Yes, I talk to myself in my head, even out loud. When I talk to myself, my thoughts have no time to enter my mind, so I avoid negative or unwanted thoughts. As of now, I am avoiding fear. If I get too afraid, I will run. I know if i think to much, I will sprint back up the stairs, struggle to open the sliding glass door, disturb the peace inside, making my way to my room as fast as I can, shut and lock my door, and hide under my covers. I am not joking. Somehow, I believe, if my covers are over my head, I am safe from anything and everything. A force field. An invisibility cloak.

So I have to talk to myself to remind myself that everything is okay. Fear that blurs my mind and actions, and I need to block it out. Although if there ever was a rapist or a dragon out to get me, and I decided to be brave, thinking nothing is wrong. I would end up like one of the stupid girls in horror movies, that the audience is yelling at to "RUN! RUN! RUN! DONT GO IN THERE!" I do not want to be that girl. Dying would totally ruin my summer.

I finally make in to my driveway and take a spin around. The whole sky is so open, and I spot the bright cheshire cat's smile. The stars are intense, shining and twinkling. Some very small, some blinding. Clumps, and dark spaces. I love the night sky, I could stare at it for hours. I lay on the cement, cold and wet. These kinda of moments make my mind explode. What is this place, what are we, why am I here? Why was I chosen to live? What is the point here? The sky reminds me of how remarkable the Planet is, the Universe. When I look up, I can even tell how the world is round. I am in a dark snow globe, looking up at the exterior glass. Who is to say I am not? For all I know I could be living on a dandelion held by a giant elephant. I ponder the cliche question of the meaning of life, as I see a bright star fall. 

Author's Note

Criticism and thoughts?
Ill be sure to return the favor :)

Reviews

[HappyAccident]

I enjoyed the imagery in your piece,I actually felt like I was outside. I can't really tell what this story is about ,like where's it going ?

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

This was a very good descriptive write. I really enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing. :)