Chapter Twenty: The Part That Still Lives

The door closes with a solid thud, a thud that brings with it an icy strained silence. You could pluck the tension in the air like a violin string.

Neither of us says anything at first. Funny how sometimes silence can be the most soothing thing in the world, and at others it can cause such unease you feel as though your hair is going to spontaneously combust. Because that’s what it feels like in this moment- like my hair is going to burst into ravenous flames under the unwavering gaze of my master.

“If I may ask, Mistress- What have I done to-”

“Hush.” The curt word cuts off any sound from my lips. She stands there quietly, looking at everything and yet nothing at all, as though listening for anyone or anything that would overhear us. In fact, that probably is what she’s doing. I know better than to try and speak up again, because if she cut me off again it would be with something much worse than a simple word. Seconds tick into minutes, each one agonizingly slow, before she at last decides nobody is attempting to listen in. Megan may have been in the beginning, but by now she would have gotten bored and wandered away. At last her eyes zone in on me, giving nothing else any mind at all, and she takes several quick steps forward and raises her hand- I flinch and close my eye, preparing for the utterly shameful blow and the demotion that would come with it. A blow from anybody else wouldn’t hurt, but from my mistress...it is utterly devastating. It is the worst thing in the world, to displease her…

But the blow doesn’t come. I feel her hand touch my face gingerly and trail up the side of it.

“Let me look at you.” She removes my eyepatch without so much as a warning, and I just stand there, feeling so exposed and vulnerable in front of her. She pushes the hair out of my face and I peek my eye open. Her hazel eyes aren’t the same as I remember them. They are...conflicted. There are shadows under them as though she has not slept well in many nights, and her skin looks stretched tight across her features. She looks gaunt, almost ill…

“Mistress, are you alright-”

“You’ve grown.” She says softly. I take this as ‘You’ve grown since I last saw you’.

“Have I…? It’s only been about a year and a half…” I really wish she would let me speak, but I know I won’t have my turn until she gets to say whatever she needs to. Which means I would have to put aside being in charge, as I always did with her.

“No...not since I last saw you...since I first saw you…” She takes a step back and looks at me. “You probably don’t remember it...that first time...You were so tiny, and you were hurt so badly. Jameson had you up under his cloak trying to keep you warm...he just handed you to me…”

“Was Jameson my father…?”

“No. Heavens no. He was a servant of your father’s, but you shouldn’t go asking about the man, he has been dead for years now. However, I can still remember when I first took you in my arms...you were so young, only three years old…”

“Mistress Kay, not to be rude, but- where is this headed?”

“Jameson gave me you...and this…” Her hand reaches under her cloak and returns with an aged parchment letter. It has been unfolded and refolded so many times it looks as though it will fall apart soon. I want to snatch it up- but I don’t. You never snatch things from your master.

“Happy Birthday, Aurora.” She attempts to smile as she shakily hands the letter to me. My hands are trembling so badly, and it is a hard task to be gentle with the parchment so that it doesn’t fall apart in my hands.

I carefully unfold the single sheet, and lift it up to read the words through the messy faded paper. The script it is written in is beautiful, very nearly flawless in fact. The letter reads as follows;

‘Kaylin Aviera,

The time we have feared has at last come. And the unthinkable has happened. The girl you see before you is the only survivor from the attack. Both her mother and brother are dead. She has seen and experienced such terrible things that I had no choice but to shroud the memories- you have to understand, making her forget is the only way that she can move on from this. And hence I must now ask of you a grand favor that I will have no way of repaying in the future.

If you could, please- take her in. Train her well. Make her strong. Because the ones who came after her mother and brother will no doubt come for her once they learn she is still alive. If she is strong, she will survive. It is better if she never knows me- for we both know that I have many enemies, and there are many who would seek to harm her if they knew the truth. You are the only one I would trust with this task, I am begging you from the bottom of my broken heart. Let it be known that I do not take this lightly either…

Her name is Aurora, and we shall leave her with her mother’s second name because the other would be too conspicuous. She can know of her mother’s lineage, she was a wonderful woman after all, but she can never know of her father’s. It is simply too dangerous...both for her, and for me. If something were to happen to her, anything more than what already has come to pass- I don’t know what I would do. She is the only thing I have left, Kaylin! Can you not see that it is tearing my soul out to do this?! To push her away and force her to live a life riddled with struggle and blood and death- just to truly be safe?! I know that I will never be able to hear her sweet laugh again, never see her grow into the fine young woman I know she will be one day, never be able to hold her when she cries or be there when men start to court her- I know that I am sacrificing all of my rights as a father. I give them to you, that and more. You have to make her stronger. Better than I ever could have. Make her a force those b******s will fear instead of laugh at.

Please, Kay. I beg of you, and I have never asked anything of you before. Do not deny me now. You are the only one I trust with such a task. Do not forget the promise you made so long ago. Aurora deserves to live….I truly love her, as I am sure you will grow to. I am certain under your care, she will become a strong and righteous woman. But even so, whatever you do and whatever you teach her, never let her think that she was unwanted...never let her think this was her fault, or that I didn’t want to keep her. When she is old enough- she will understand. I pray she will understand. She will know that the hardest things and choices we make- are often necessary and in fact the only correct path to take.

~Vincent’

Silence, stifling silence. Too much silence. My hands are shaking so badly I feel as if they are having a violent seizure. My head is a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. I wanted to know more about my family, about the life I never had- and now I had it. But I only wanted more. I had a brother. I didn’t even know that. I didn’t know I had a brother- was he older or younger? For the life of me I can’t remember- and it makes me so angry I want to scream. There were four of us, and only two survived that day. The only other gave me away. I understand why he did it, I honestly do, but a part of me, against all reasonable thinking, wishes that he would have kept me and found some other way.

Finally, after what feels like centuries, my mind finally settles on a single comprehensive thought.

“This man….Vincent….my dad...is he….alive?”

“I haven’t heard from him in many years.” Mistress Kay shakes her head. “Nobody has.”

“I want to find him.” I say abruptly, without thinking.

“Aurora- you know that isn’t practical-”

“And why not?! Am I not strong now, like he wanted me to be?! I understand why he did it, ok?! I just want to meet him, Miss Kay! Is that so wrong!?” My calm and collected facade shatters like a windshield in a head-on collision. Mistress Kay doesn’t seem to have expected this, and her usually unwavering expression cracks. Perhaps, like my father had written so long ago, she really had grown to love me. More than just the bond between a mentor and a pupil.

“Aurora...If I had known you were going to react like this, I never would have showed you. I thought you were mature enough for this…”

“I am! But I just don’t see why I can’t see him if I’ve done everything he wanted me to!”

“I’ve already broken a promise by showing you this letter, do not expect me to make my treason worse by helping you find him.”

“Then why did you show it to me?” I snap.

“Because...I was tired of lying to you.” She says stonily, a bit of gravel in her voice. “Every time you asked I would have to say that your entire family was killed, every day I had to pretend like you were just another pupil, every second I had to pretend that what I was doing wasn’t unfair to you. Every time I looked at you I had to act like I didn’t see the two of them in every single one of your features. I was tired of lying to you, tired of deceiving you. I didn’t want to hurt you. But I can’t help you find him either. You just have to accept that.”

“I’ll find him on my own then.” I bite my lower lip. It is ludicrous to even think it, let alone say it aloud. There was no chance of me finding him. There are a lot of ‘Vincent’s out there after all. I didn’t even have an initial to his last name. Miss Kay just sighs and shakes her head, turning back towards the door.

“I can’t change your mind. But I certainly hope you grow more rational after you take the time to think this over. I’ve never known you to act so childish.” She scowls and leaves quickly, her feet moving at a fast but stern pace that wasn’t quite running because it didn’t have the sort of reckless and unbecoming exertion to it.

I was left behind alone, with only an aged letter full of a father’s regrets, and a heart that would never be satisfied until it had answers- answers it turned out it would be better off not knowing.